As a young girl, why do you always fall in love with the kind of old man who can almost be your father? Do you really love him, or does his appearance satisfy some of your desires? Everyone knows that what you desire most is what you need most, but in real life, the desire you need most often cannot bring you happiness, but instead leads you to greater loss and disappointment. Here, exploring the reasons why a "little" woman falls in love with a "big" man may help you recognize your deep desire: maybe it is because you are too hungry in this aspect that you fall into the bias; or, if you are too lacking in this aspect, you That's why I'm eager to find that kind of compensation.

Reason 1: Loss of father’s love in childhood

Your performance:

1. When you see him, you feel that your childhood without father’s love has been restored compensate.

2. Once you fall into his arms, another kind of loss will arise.

Your experience: Born in a single-parent family where your father died when you were young, or your parents divorced.

Psychological analysis:

Because you have always longed for a father subconsciously, when you are looking for a love partner, it is difficult to give up your original desire. And because you have no experience with your father, most of your desire for your father comes from your fantasy. Therefore, real people in reality will often deviate from your fantasy and disappoint you.

If when you see him, you feel that your childhood without father's love has been compensated, then rather than saying that you have found love, it is better to say that you have found a partner with a shortcoming in your heart. Although compensation and love are often very similar, in essence they are different: love is production, compensation is consumption; love is positive, compensation is negative; love is giving, compensation is taking.

Only in a healthy personality can love become a productive force: you give me love, and I produce more love because of your love. On the contrary, if you only regard him as the compensation for your inner needs, it will be difficult for you not to fall into the bias of blindly "enjoying" the compensation, so that you forget or neglect to give it to the other person, because your personality is not perfect and you lack the power of love in your heart. , in this way, even if he loves you very much at the beginning, as his desires are satisfied and time goes by, his love for you will inevitably not be lost; similarly, your love for him may also be affected by differences in age and personality. And fission occurs. As a result, you thought you could get away with it once and for all by relying on an elder-like man. However, once you fall into his arms, another sense of loss will arise spontaneously, and the compensation for the loss will bring you even greater disappointment.

Action plan:

1. Get out of the shadow of childhood

If you have been living in the fantasy of longing for father's love for a long time, it is imperative to get out of the shadow of childhood. Because only by getting out of the shadow of childhood can you face your future life; only by getting rid of the troubles of fantasy can you find your own preferences. Psychologists tell us that longing on the one hand will inevitably bring about depression on the other. Maybe you, like others, need the cheerfulness, vigor and enthusiasm of your peers. Then, forget the unhappiness of childhood. Once you get out of the haze of childhood, you will find that there is sunshine outside the house.

2. Don’t reject suitors of the same age

On the road to finding love, don’t be preconceived, let alone be autistic for no reason, and don’t think that you can’t be right except for grown men. Peers develop feelings. You know, many times we don’t understand ourselves, and people can only truly know themselves and find themselves in the opposite sex. Therefore, don't easily reject a suitor of the same age. Maybe you really don't feel anything at first. Once you open your heart, you will find unexpected freshness and fun in the actual interaction with "him".

Reason 2: Too deep feelings for father

Your performance:

1. When you are with him, you seem to have returned to your childhood where you could do whatever you wanted.

2. As long as you are with him, you can be coquettish and willful without any scruples.

Your experience: You have been surrounded by strong father’s love since you were a child.

Psychological analysis:

Sometimes, if you have too deep feelings for your father, it will also cause you to favor and prefer older men in the future. This is because during the long journey of childhood, you have become accustomed to your father's indulgence and pampering, and you have also become accustomed to your own coquettishness and willfulness towards your father. Your mind is still that of an underage child; you may be able to enter social roles at work, but emotionally it is difficult to step out of the world of childhood. Once the fire of love sprouts in your heart, your accustomed behavior will inevitably lead you to a A grown man who is quite similar to your father.

Objectively speaking, the life of a young girl and an older man may not be unhappy, but the prerequisite is that you must have love and know how to exchange truth for truth and love for love. If the other person shows true love to you, but you are self-centered at all times, or completely want him to obey your pulse, such unequal love may be difficult to maintain, and your relationship may even conflict or break down.

Action plan:

1. Get out of the father’s influence

Usually, father’s love limits and supplements mother’s love. Because mother's love is unconditional, father's love is conditional. Unconditional love gives children the warmth of love, and conditional love teaches children the propriety of love. If your father not only fails to give you the right amount of love, but also indulges you too much, then his pampering of you may confuse the value of your love and deprive you of your ability to grow up. As one half of a gender relationship, if the love in your mind is only asking for love but not giving, it may be difficult for you to find happiness in an interactive relationship between the sexes.

2. Learn to pay attention to others

Consciously learning to pay attention to others can help you get out of your narrow self-centeredness.

${FDPageBreak}

Reason three: After falling out of love with a young boy, you seek protection from an older man. Your performance:

1. You think that only older men can give you safe love.

2. You know that he treats you impeccably, but you still feel like you are missing something.

Your experience: I have been deeply hurt by a young boy. They either changed their minds or walked away irresponsibly. The excuse was "I was immature at the time and was just impulsive."

Psychological analysis:

Out of revenge or retreat, you no longer dare to associate with those young and irresponsible boys. You say that they are immature. Do you believe it? Only a truly mature man can give you a sense of security, so you choose a grown man who can almost be your father.

But after experiencing the pain of lovelorn, it seems that a girl who is persistent in love can easily develop completely opposite changes; in the past, you wanted to find someone you love, but now you think you are looking for a man who loves you. More affordable and cost-effective. In this way, you will inevitably fall into the trap of replacing love with interests. Once the rice is cooked, you will find that although he treats you impeccably, you still feel like you have lost something.

Action plan:

1. Don’t look for support with scars

After a period of injury, it is best not to rush into a relationship. People need to recuperate after physical injuries, and people need to cultivate and adjust after psychological injuries. It's not impossible to find support with scars, but the pain of scars makes you prone to choice errors, and the potential resentment makes it easy for you to confuse the measure of love.

Although the grievances of injury and the pain of imbalance often require a substitute that can temporarily heal the injury, however, the substitute is not love after all. After the scars heal, the call of love will tell you true love. Rather than being caught off guard when wrong love happens, it is better to let reason be your master from the beginning. In this way, not only will you not waste yourself again, but it will not be unfair to others.

2. The true meaning of love is not to ask for but to give.

Maybe your fascination with big men is that you don’t want to give but only want to take. If that is the case, even if the other person is willing to give, he will indulge in being You who love me will not be happy either. The happiness of love is not the result of sitting back and enjoying the fruits but the result of hard work and sowing. Once you learn to sow love, maybe the charm of a big man will weaken. You have to believe that only through your own labor can you receive your own love.

Reason 4: Thinking too much about a girl’s love dream

Your performance:

1. You have never felt anything about boys of your own age and think they are shallow and tasteless.

2. Only the mature charm of a grown man can make your heart beat.

Your experience: You are introverted, sensitive and preoccupied by nature. I don’t know when, you began to be fascinated by the images of mature men created in novels and movies. Their deep eyes, mysterious smiles, and complicated pasts all have an unspeakable attraction for you.

Psychological analysis:

There is such a statistic in the West: a weak, thoughtful boy is prone to fall in love with a mature woman. Similarly, for a sentimental young girl, older men can easily become her temptations.

This is because sentimentality is often the product of overthinking: without thinking, there would be no sorrow, and without thinking, there would be no feeling. The problem is that a woman's romance often comes from her narcissism, and her narcissism deepens her romance, and her fascination with older men is mostly the product of this romantic feeling.

What’s more, her pain does not lie in the relationship itself, but in the fact that she does not want to develop a relationship, but just wants to maintain a romance. Because she likes secret love more than love, and she likes to enjoy the joys and sorrows of secret love exclusively rather than confessing. She was just living in a dream she had constructed for herself. It doesn't matter if her lover is really outstanding, but if he is not as outstanding as she imagined, her dream will be shattered, and she herself will be hurt by the disillusionment.

1. Get out of narcissism

Most narcissistic girls have some depression. Her advantage is that she is thoughtful and sensitive, and has a stronger perception of life than her peers. Her disadvantage is that she is fragile and afraid of reality. Her romance involves varying degrees of self-abuse. If she is lucky enough to meet a grown man who loves her, she will Learn to live and get rid of narcissism; if she unfortunately meets a cynical player, she will deepen her self-injury and self-abuse due to the pain of broken love.

If you are this type of girl, it is best to consciously participate in some group activities so that your loneliness can be resolved through communication with others, or you may wish to devote yourself to a job or activity that interests you. Career, in order to overcome depression and feel other people in a broader life.

2. Get out of unrealistic romance

Romance itself is not a bad thing. If a person still maintains appropriate romantic feelings in addition to real life, her life will not be easy to rust, and her life will not be rusty. Easy to stay energetic and optimistic. If she is obsessed with romance and divorced from reality, her life will not be easy to unfold, and she herself will feel lonely and hurt due to the narrowness of life.

However, no one is an isolated island and can be completely autistic. Maybe you and him cannot be happy in a dream, but dreams always have a time to wake up, and people always have a day to grow up. Instead of waiting until It is better to face the present and cherish yourself than to regret the past at that time. Maybe you are too thoughtful and premature

This article comes from adult.6kmall.com and is published by netizens. This site only quotes it for reference. It does not mean that this site agrees with the views of the article. If you believe that the content and intellectual property rights of this article infringe upon your interests, please contact us.