Women love fantasy, and what they love is often distant scenery, but marriage is the art of two people getting along at close range. When you bring your habitual farsightedness into your marriage and compare the hazy and imaginary beauty with the "cruelty" of reality, what kind of reality will not be defeated?

Perhaps a good man or a man who is suitable for you is 0.01 centimeters away from you, but you are thousands of miles away and heading straight for your fate. Maybe another woman not far away is coveting your husband, but you find him unpleasant and indulge in groundless complaints...

Because you are farsighted. Because you are possessed by evil spirits. Because you worry about gains and losses. Because you are never satisfied.

1. What he likes more than anything else

When you marry, you want to marry a potential stock, but who knew that the handsome guy in my family would be a junk stock? With such a meek temper, isn't he doomed to never achieve anything in his life?

Interviewee: Tian Juan, 31 years old, engineer, Beijing

I grew up in a military compound, and I was close to five or six girls. Everyone is of the same age and got married one after another. When we got married, my husband was considered the best among a bunch of boyfriends. He is about 1.8 meters tall, has a handsome face and works in a state agency. My girlfriend would always say that she wanted to steal my husband or borrow my husband for her own use, which made me feel happy.

However, gradually, I began to feel lost. His handsome appearance slowly lost its luster as he grew older. Everyone got used to it and no longer called him handsome. At the party, the hot discussion was which company bought TOWNHOUSE or Daben, and which old company broke out. Every time this happens, I'm always disappointed. Some people comforted me, saying that civil servants are stable and although they don’t make a lot of money, they live a leisurely life. But it sounded particularly harsh to me. Now to say that a man is leisurely is equivalent to saying that he is useless.

Going out to eat with a friend’s family on the weekend. She looked at her husband, who was a little over 1.6 meters tall. He was thin and thin when they fell in love with her, and he looked down and out and couldn't even speak clearly. Now he is the general manager, wearing Dunhill all over his body, and he speaks with wealth and wealth. I was so frustrated that I came back early saying I was not feeling well, and was too lazy to talk to my husband along the way.

When you marry, you have to marry a potential stock, but who knew that the handsome guy in my family would be a junk stock? I feel depressed in my heart and complain in my mouth. He has a good temper and always finds ways to make me happy. But the more this happens, the more useless I think he is. People say that a man who can do great things must be somewhat domineering. If he has such a meek temper, isn't he doomed to never achieve anything in his life?

GOOD: Are you dissatisfied with the current situation because your material living standards are not up to your ideal level?

Tian Juan: Not exactly. The income is sufficient to maintain an ordinary living standard.

GOOD: In this case, why do you always think that other people’s husbands are potential stocks and your own husband is a junk stock? Your basis is whether you have made a lot of money in business?

Tian Juan: Actually, I feel quite complicated. How should I put it, I just feel that other people’s husbands are growing up, while my husband is regressing. It feels like this in every aspect.

GOOD: From your description, I think your husband is very exemplary.

Tian Juan: (laughing) Actually, many people say this, but I just can’t be happy. In fact, he has many minor problems.

GOOD: You don’t notice that other men have many minor problems because of the distance.

Tian Juan: (thinking for a moment) Same.

GOOD: Have you ever thought that your unhappiness is actually due to vanity and comparison?

Tian Juan: Maybe. To be honest, he still has many advantages, but these advantages are very trivial. Unlike others, how many thousands his husband earns and which country he went to study for half a year are all major issues that can be brought to the table for discussion.

2. After getting married, I discovered that there are so many good men.

“If I hadn’t married you, I might have been in New York now”, “If I hadn’t married you, I would have It certainly won’t be such a boring life” became the opening line of the war between us. The more men I come into contact with, the more I feel that being with him is not worth it.

Interviewee: JANE, 29 years old

CPA Beijing

I got married relatively young, and I lived a contented life in the first two years after marriage. happy. Later, I met a suitor. When he learned that I was married, he half-jokingly and half-seriously said, there are so many good men in the world, what a pity you bundled yourself up so quickly.

One sentence woke up the man in my dream, and I began to pay careful attention to the man around me. Comparing the men outside with the men at home, I feel that my husband is too ordinary. "If I hadn't married him, maybe I would be..." I was often immersed in this kind of imagination, feeling that my destiny should not be tied to such an ordinary man for the rest of my life, and gradually I started to resent him, as if it was a good thing. The future has been delayed by him. Once we went to a luxurious wedding. On the way home, I couldn't help but say, if I hadn't married you, my wedding would have been worse than this... He didn't say anything, looking very hurt.

In the last year of our marriage, "If I hadn't married you, I might have been in New York now" and "If I hadn't married you, I certainly wouldn't have been so boring" became The opening salvo in the war between us. The more men I come into contact with, the more I feel that being with him is not worth it. In the dead of night, looking back at where I came from, I even wondered if I had been possessed by an evil spirit. Otherwise, why would so many good men choose the most ordinary one?

After signing the divorce agreement, he said I wish you find the life you want. I thought to myself, this time I will definitely keep my eyes open and find the best one. However, in the past two years of dealing with countless men, I found that I still don’t know where to find a good enough man!

GOOD: Do you have this feeling: it is easier to find the advantages of a man when you are far away from him?

JANE: Yes. And when you compare him to your husband, you tend to ignore his shortcomings and emphasize his advantages.

GOOD: If you think like this, no one you marry will be happy.

JANE: So I don’t dare to get married now. Marriage is such a powerful thing. Once a handsome and talented man becomes a husband, he becomes the white undershirt of the embarrassing street.

GOOD: You are a typical marital hyperopia. You like to look at men in the distance or disdain to care about men near you. Have you ever wondered how to overcome it?

JANE: I once thought I would eventually find a man who could meet all my ideals, but now I have tried hard to keep my feet on the ground. In fact, it is quite simple to overcome, that is, "You can only find the most suitable, but you can never find the best." This is what I often say to myself now.

3. Some people are only suitable for long-distance relationships

He lives in his Vancouver, and I live in my Shanghai. Two years after our marriage, we are still as close as lovers. The change happened after I went to Vancouver... Finally one day, I dragged my suitcase and left home.

After returning to Shanghai, he sent the divorce agreement. And I have begun to miss him crazily.

Interviewee: Shang Chu, 27 years old, curator, Shanghai

My husband and I met online. He is in Vancouver and I am in Shanghai. In the first two years after our marriage, we were a vacationing couple and we saw each other no more than a hundred days a year. Usually he lives in his Vancouver, and I live in my Shanghai. When we get together, either at my house or at his house, everyone treats themselves as guests. If they see something unpleasant, they don’t have the heart to say it when they think about being separated again soon. In the days when we don't meet each other, our thoughts exaggerate each other's advantages. Because of this arrangement, after two years of marriage, we are still as close as lovers and never even quarrel.

The change happened after I went to Vancouver. I don’t know from which day I became particularly passionate about changing his life. He likes to lie on the sofa and watch TV, which I say is ungrateful and tends to stain the sofa. He likes spicy food, but I don't buy chili peppers. I show my true nature as a good housewife by refusing to eat things that are bad for my health. He had no confidence in his work and would complain when he came home, which made me irritable and thought he was immature and unable to calm down. On the weekend, he was going to bring his friends home, so I said you should go to the bar so as not to mess up the room. I still love him, but I hate him. It's strange that it took him two years of marriage to discover that there were so many problems in his life that desperately needed to be changed.

The iron-fisted transformation caused our relationship to cool down rapidly, and there were more and more disputes. Finally one day, I dragged the box and left home. He stood at the door, looking at me without pursuing me.

After returning to Shanghai, he sent the divorce agreement. And I have begun to miss him crazily.

GOOD: In fact, there will be a darkest day in every marriage, when both parties don't even bother to look at each other. After this most difficult running-in period, everything will be fine.

Shang Chu: I think so too, but he doesn’t want to continue to work together, saying that my requirements are too high and he will never be able to meet them in his lifetime.

GOOD: Why can't you lower your requirements, or assume that you will be far apart tomorrow, and bring the cherished mentality of each other when you are separated into a stable marriage?

Shang Chu: I feel strange too. Why is it that there are so many things about him that I am not used to, but I was able to turn a blind eye to these things during our two-year relationship and separation after marriage?

GOOD: He must still be the same person as before. It’s your mentality that has changed.

Shang Chu: Maybe I am too strong a person and can only get along with anyone at a distance.

GOOD: Since you love him, why don't you change something for him. For example, see the happiness of two people getting along day and night, instead of emphasizing the slight differences in personalities and habits?

Shang Chu: I do love him, but for some reason, I get upset every day when we are together. After we are separated, I can think of many good things about him. I'm thinking about seeing a psychiatrist.

GOOD: In fact, friends can also play a role in psychological counseling. For example, those girlfriends who are open-minded and wise in marriage often call them, or when you can’t help but want to lose your temper with him or interfere with him. Call them in your life, dump your emotional garbage on them, and listen to their good advice. And remember: a woman is always cuter when she cries than when she gets angry!

Quick prescription for correcting hyperopia

List its 20 advantages: This may be a little difficult for you. Can you find so many advantages in him? The answer is yes. If I can’t get it all together today, I’ll continue tomorrow until I get to the 20th advantage. Okay, read it again, you are living with a man who has 20 qualities, don’t say he is worthless.

Hold up a microscope to the men around you: Learn to be considerate of those men you don’t fully understand.

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