Every couple comes together with the beautiful wish of "growing old together and being united forever", but two people who grow up in different environments will inevitably have conflicts no matter how tacit they are psychologically. At this time, some couples always want to change each other and want each other to act according to their own wishes. If the other party disobeys even a little bit, they will feel unhappy and even lose their temper: "You'd better change your temper." "Why are you doing this?" Can’t you be more diligent?”

But the situation is easy to change, but the nature is hard to change. Moreover, people also have an important subconscious psychological pursuit, which is to have their own living space and not to be interfered by others at all times.

Many women have a hobby: transforming men. The standard for transformation is herself. For example, if she doesn't smoke or drink, she wants to transform a man into a non-smoker or a drinker; she likes to wear beautiful clothes, so she wants to make a man a frequent visitor to the clothing mall. As this hobby expands, the scope of transformation becomes all-encompassing and omnipresent. Even every move, smile, and frown of a man must conform to her standards, and no step beyond her limits is allowed.

But what is the actual result? All the efforts, lies, and hard and soft tactics have always yielded little results. For example, smoking and drinking are not considered good habits in any way. Women have a thousand reasons to change them. Almost all women who are keen on changing men do not work hard on this, but in fact, men in the world are still smoking and drinking. Drinking, so that some people say: "If you don't smoke or drink, how can you still be called a man?" The transformation efforts of women are all in vain.

In fact, men smoke and drink for their own reasons, but women don’t understand it. This is just like women applying makeup and makeup and men don’t understand. For things like this, it's better to be a little more tolerant. Tolerance is more important and more practical than transformation. If everyone wants to transform each other, it will become a fruitless and never-ending war.

Not only that, renovation is sometimes a destructive operation. Love is a fragile thing, just like a porcelain bottle. There is a pimple on the porcelain bottle to simulate discomfort and you want to polish it smooth. The intention is undoubtedly good, but what we sometimes see is this kind of ending: pimple It wasn't evened, and the porcelain bottle broke first.

There is a couple next door who are getting divorced. The reason for the divorce is incredible: their bedroom window faced the street. She was afraid that the dust from the street would fly into the house and stain the bed, tables and chairs, so she closed the window tightly, but he especially liked to open the window for ventilation. She wanted to reform him, but he refused to accept her reformation. The two refused to give in, and conflicts arose from this, and they eventually broke up.

Two people with different growth environments, different thinking, and different living habits living together will inevitably have conflicts over many details. Although these conflicts are trivial, they are often the ones that consume the most endurance of a marriage.

Respect each other’s differences and learn to understand that your spouse is an individual. There are differences with you at every level. You must respect these differences, imagine and empathize with the other person's perspective, and the problem will be easier to solve. Differences are not scary. What is scary is that you dare not face the differences and choose the path of escape. In fact, in marriage, it is necessary to admit that there are differences, and sometimes differences are the driving force behind the attraction between the sexes.

There are considerable differences between men and women in their thinking patterns and emotional expressions and needs. This has been proven by modern science. The same thing does not matter to men, but it does not matter to men. In the eyes of women, it is extremely important.

In real life, there is often a situation like this. When a woman comes home from work all day and wants to say something to her husband, the man is either impatient and thinks the woman is nagging; or after listening to a little bit, he Trying to provide an answer or conclusion. When a woman feels dissatisfied, he feels confused. In fact, what a woman wants is the feeling of being taken seriously, that kind of emotional resonance and communication, but a man thinks that what she wants is an answer or conclusion.

Similarly, the most common complaint men have about women is that women are trying to change them. When a woman falls in love with a man, she feels a responsibility to help him and help him change the way he does things. She thinks she is Help and educate men, but men feel controlled and have no freedom.

So the differences between husband and wife arise. They only want each other to change, but they don’t know what the other person wants. Women long for the care and listening of men; men long for the respect and respect of women. worship. After understanding the differences in nature between men and women, you must adjust yourself in time so that you can achieve happiness and harmony.

To deal with gender differences well requires the joint efforts of both husband and wife. The thing to remember is that you can't change others, you can only change yourself. In this regard, wives should make more efforts, because it is undeniable that in marriage, it is the wife who often makes more demands on her husband.

Wives should be more tolerant and considerate of their husbands from the following aspects:

1. Work and career come first in men's minds and are also the main ways for them to build their personal image and value, not just to make a living. The husband hopes that his wife will forgive him for his excessive devotion to work and stop constantly complaining that he neglects her due to work or work-related entertainment.

2. For men, money, in addition to providing a stable and prosperous life, is also a symbol of power. Therefore, when purchasing more expensive items, most husbands hope that their wives will discuss it with them in advance and respect their opinions.

3. Almost all men like to continue to associate with their old friends after marriage. The husband does not want his wife to restrict his contacts with same-sex friends too much.

4. Wives usually don't like their husbands looking at other women. In fact, men's love for beautiful women is purely an instinctive psychological reaction.

5. There is a child mentality in the male subconscious. They will be deeply addicted to certain activities, such as playing football, fishing, photography, stereo, etc., and gain mental relaxation from them. Generally speaking, this is helpful for them to reduce work pressure, but when they are addicted, they will often ignore their wives. Don't think that this is the husband's "empathy".

6. Not every man can be eloquent and considerate. Some men are too harsh and make their wives feel fierce. In fact, it may be because of his concern. Therefore, women should pay more attention to what their husband does rather than what he says.

A happy marriage is hard to come by. Differences between husband and wife exist and can be transcended. The important thing is to strengthen their understanding. Only by understanding can we be considerate, and only by being considerate can we create harmony and happiness for the family.

For an adult, everyone should have an autonomous life with dignity. We must respect this right of others to choose themselves. We do not have the right to transform others, and this is also something beyond our scope of responsibility and ability. Trying to transform others will inevitably lead to trouble, anger, discouragement and frustration. The only one who can transform others is ourselves.

The true meaning of love is not to help, control and transform others, but to discover, appreciate and accept the other person. Westerners often say: "Love him or leave him." It is impossible to change others. You will waste your life expecting others to change. A person must put himself as the center of his life and give up the idea of ​​transforming others, so as not to neglect his own development. A person must love himself first, otherwise he cannot love or be loved. Giving the other person free space to grow and not trying to transform the other person is the natural form of love.

It is so difficult to transform a person. It is almost impossible to try to transform a man in the name of love; imposing your own thoughts on others and trying to transform them often does not work. In reality, the result of mutual correction between husband and wife is often counterproductive. Not only does the reformed partner not change at all, but he is also induced to have strong feelings of confrontation and tit for tat in everything. As time goes by, conflicts accumulate, love disappears, and many couples part ways.

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