Not long ago, there was a "ridiculous" post on a forum: a young couple born in the 1980s. The husband was constipated and spent more than 40 minutes squatting on the toilet every morning. The wife couldn't bear it and asked her husband to switch toilets. sequence, the result is invalid. The disappointed wife began to fight back, going to bed before 9 o'clock every night so as to occupy the toilet for the next day. After that, the toilet war escalated. My husband first kicked the door and then smashed it with a chair, which scared the neighbors and called the police. In the end, the couple ended their toilet war by divorcing.

Some people may lament that this is the marriage of the post-80s generation, where the family is torn apart for trivial matters. Yes, today, the reason for divorce is no longer simply "breakup of relationship". There are all kinds of strange triggers. Especially for the young couples born in the 1980s who have just entered the city, their flash marriages and flash divorces have become shocking. Tongue level.

Do you also quarrel in daily trivial matters? Is your marriage really at the point where separation is inevitable? In the face of trivial matters, what are the solutions and countermeasures for marriage?

Phenomena< /p>

How many reasons for divorce are there

1. Trivial matters such as food, rice, oil and salt

Many couples born in the 1980s were originally classmates. When the pure love in student days turned into real life There will inevitably be a large gap in the daily necessities of life, and once issues such as employment pressure and conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are involved, it is very likely that those young shoulders will be crushed and a marriage will be broken. It can be seen that the importance of trivial things in life must not be underestimated.

2. Self-centered and unwilling to tolerate each other

Most of the people born in the 1980s are only children. They were originally the center of their families, but now there are two children in their small families. In this "center", the personalities of the couple collide from time to time, and conflicts are inevitable.

3. Difficulties between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are resolved as soon as they separate

When encountering difficulties, they do not try to solve them, but give up easily, which is also one of the characteristics of young couples born in the 1980s. Most couples who divorce because of poor relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law usually do not make efforts to improve the family relationship, but blame each other for having incorrect attitudes.

Analysis

Marriage is most afraid of "going above and beyond"

Why can details destroy a marriage? Emotional experts point out that the first reason is the lack of communication, and they always think that the other party will know about them and understand them. But if you don't tell them, how will the other party know? Poor communication directly leads to the generation of grudges. Things that get frozen last a day, and small things accumulate into big conflicts that are irreversible. Secondly, it is because the parties concerned are often prone to the problem of "going above the line". In the final analysis, they often escalate innocuous minor conflicts to the level of "unforgivable crimes." Therefore, whether to add more salt or less salt in cooking is not a "trivial matter" about taste differences, but a matter of principle of who loves whom more and who should accommodate whom more. Many people will face such "trivial matters" when they encounter such "trivial matters". The thought will pop up in my mind: "He/she still doesn't love me, otherwise he/she will definitely let me go." Now that I have concluded in my heart that "he/she doesn't love me", my attitude will also change. Will naturally tend to be indifferent.

In addition, the deeper social reason is that the post-80s generation, who are generally highly educated, have increasingly higher requirements for the quality of marriage. They value the harmony and happiness of married life more and the constancy of marriage. I take it very lightly and never think that a marriage document is a lifelong contract, so letting go is not difficult. However, this newly awakened "request" has not been well guided and standardized, and it is not known what the most appropriate scale is, so it is easy to "excessive" demands, which may lead to divorce.

Case

From grabbing computers to the Cold War

Interviewee: Chenchen, female, born in 1983, kindergarten teacher

Hongwei , male, born in 1981, private company employee

Replay of the incident: Chenchen and Hongwei are both born in the 1980s, both are only children, and were the spoiled babies of the family before they got married. After getting married, the two always called each other "Baby" and "Beibei", like a pair of children who have not grown up.

After the honeymoon, Hongwei came home one Friday night and saw Chenchen enjoying himself playing computer games. Hongwei thought that when he said he wanted to work overtime, Chenchen would definitely give up the computer and pour himself a cup of tea. Who knew that not only would Chenchen not move his butt, Hongwei, who had been tired for a day, was so angry that he blurted out: "You just know how to play, that's what you do to your wife!" That was the first quarrel between them.

The computer robbery incident ended with Hongwei buying a laptop. The second quarrel started over a sock. One day when he got up to go to work, Hongwei found that there was only one sock left in the drawer and he could not find the other one. Hongwei was so anxious that he had no choice but to take out a pair from the basket of dirty clothes and put them on. When he got home from get off work, he found that Chenchen hadn't come back yet and the dirty clothes hadn't been washed. He called and found out that Chenchen had gone shopping. Hongwei lost his temper on the phone, and Chenchen was not to be outdone: "I have been cleaning up your stinky socks every day for so long, but you never know how to be considerate of me and wash the socks yourself. What's wrong?" This time, the two people are in a cold war. , Hongwei never touched the washing machine at home again.

No one expected that Chenchen and Hongwei, who were once so in love, would get divorced after only half a year of marriage. Expert analysis: There are more and more quarrels caused by similar small incidents. Is there no love between Chenchen and Hongwei? No, they love each other deeply, and they have also tried to change each other and solve some problems. However, every quarrel will leave scratches in each other's hearts and weaken the relationship a little bit. In particular, after the quarrel, the two of them did not communicate in depth to resolve each other's knots, but treated each other simply. Although it seemed that the problem was solved, they still had grudges in their hearts. If this continues, they will inevitably end up with each other. One day it breaks out.

Countermeasures

Fragile marriages require love skills

Tip 1: 10 questions you must ask before marriage

In order to avoid details of life after marriage, the "New York Times" once issued a list of "10 questions you must ask before marriage" listed by marriage experts question". Experts believe that these questions have technically eliminated more than 90% of marital pain, and they still have great reference value.

1. Do we want children? If so, who is mainly responsible?

2. What are our earning capabilities and goals? Will there be any conflict between the concept of consumption and the concept of saving? ?3. Can a TV be placed in the bedroom?

4. Can we really listen to each other and treat each other’s ideas and complaints fairly?

5. We understand clearly What about the other person’s spiritual needs and beliefs? Do we discuss the future beliefs of our children?

6. Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

7. Can we value and respect them? The other person’s parents? Have we considered that our parents may interfere with our relationship?

8. What is the thing that we will never give up because of marriage?

9. If we are Is it possible for one person to leave their family home and accompany the other person to work in other places?

10. Are we confident enough to face any challenges and keep the marriage moving forward?

Tip 2: Enforce the "Quarrel Agreement" after marriage

A "Quarrel Agreement" is circulated on the Internet, and some couples born in the 1980s implement it as a "family rule". Experts say the Quarrel Convention has practical guiding significance.

1. When quarreling, do not quarrel in front of parents, relatives, or neighbors, but give face to each other in public places.

2. No matter who is right or wrong, as long as there is a quarrel, the man must first coax the woman softly once, so that the woman can calm down immediately. Otherwise, when the woman sees the man, she will wow, wow, wow, and she can’t help but wow. Wow, once serious consequences occur, the man will be solely responsible.

3. If you quarrel at home, you are not allowed to just leave. If you really need to leave, you are not allowed to leave the community. You are not allowed to take your mobile phone with you or turn it off. 4. The party at fault should take the initiative to apologize, and the party without fault should forgive the other party as soon as possible after the party at fault apologizes and makes amends.

5. When both parties make mistakes, they should review each other. After apologizing, the man should take the initiative to take the woman out to relax.

6. To vent your anger, don’t smash things.

Trick 3: Master the skills of love

1. Stop complaining about yourself or resenting your lover for not meeting your requirements. Instead of sitting there and complaining, spend some time Be smart and think hard about how to make him/her feel your dissatisfaction without getting bored, and how to gently change him/her.

2. While asking the other party, you must also understand the other party. What cannot be changed in principle for him/her, and what can be changed slowly.

3. Know how to give appropriately, but never pamper the other person like a child. Let the other person understand that you are giving because you love him/her.

4. Never be stingy with praise. Sometimes a few words of praise are far more useful than others.

5. Establish a love account, write down every little thing that touches you, and forget about those unpleasant disputes.

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