A woman can only have a sexual response when she is effectively stimulated, which requires her to fully relax during sex and immerse herself in this sexual experience. When a woman has specific cognitive inhibitions of sexual response, her sexual function can be harmed. The main psychological factors that affect women's immersion in sexual experience and ultimately lead to sexual dysfunction are as follows:

1. Situational factors

1. Insufficient stimulation:

Many women's sexual dysfunction can be directly attributed to a failure to receive effective and adequate sexual stimulation during lovemaking. For this kind of problem, the main purpose of treatment is to ease the tense or disharmonious relationship between the couple, learn some useful sexual knowledge and skills, improve the sensitivity to each other's special needs, and correct the communication patterns and attitudes toward sex between the couple. Basic attitude, in this way, problems are often solved easily. In order to achieve ideal and good lovemaking effects, we must pay attention to the obvious differences in sexual arousal patterns between men and women. Generally, it is much more difficult for women to achieve sexual arousal than for men, but it is much easier to make women withdraw from sexual response, mainly relying on extensive, slow, gentle touch stimulation and an environment that makes people feel safe and warm. Women's erogenous zones are generalized, and each person's favorite stimulation area, stimulation method, and stimulation intensity have obvious individual differences.

What is strange is that when detailed questioning about the sexual interaction patterns between couples, it can be found that the stimulation women receive is often extremely inappropriate, and lovemaking is usually fully controlled by the man, who obviously does not consider the needs of his wife and relies entirely on his own Whether there is sexual urge and sexual tension to initiate sexual intercourse. Many factors can prevent women from experiencing effective sexual stimulation, such as unconscious inner conflicts and interpersonal conflicts. Some husbands have unconscious hostility towards women or their wives have unconscious masochistic tendencies. These psychological characteristics can indeed cause insufficient sexual stimulation in many couples. At this time, these factors must be identified and alleviated. Another factor is the ignorance between husband and wife about each other's sexual needs, and the mode of information exchange between husband and wife is limited to superficial phenomena and formality. In addition, women's inability to take due responsibility for their own sexual pleasure and their excessive sexual dependence also lead to the inability to experience effective sexual stimulation. These problems are largely caused by the negative influence of traditional concepts and society. caused by the influence of cultural environment.

2. Poor communication:

① The husband does not understand his wife's sexual response: One reason why a man seems "selfish" is that he often has no understanding of his wife's sexual response and feelings. He often bases his judgment on his wife's sexual arousal status based on his own feelings, and many of his speculations are likely to be wrong. For example, he may only rely on physical evidence such as his wife's acquiescence and vaginal lubrication (which is only a sign of early sexual arousal). He mistakenly judged that his wife was ready for sexual intercourse.

② Women are unwilling to express sexual needs: Due to various reasons, women may not be willing to tell their husbands their true sexual needs. They often assume that there is no need to do so. A woman knows very well how far her husband has progressed during sex, because the man's erectile response gives her an objective explanation, so she mistakenly assumes that the man should be able to recognize her sexual arousal just as she can recognize the other person. state. She did not realize that because compared with men, women's physiological reactions are mainly hidden and internal, and the husband cannot fully understand them, so when her husband is "indifferent" to her sexual needs, it is just out of ignorance rather than ruthlessness. If a woman wants to have a great sex life, she must take responsibility for her sexual health and satisfaction and learn to communicate her sexual needs to her husband in a gentle, relaxed and non-defensive way.

③Influence of traditional concepts: Traditional concepts generally believe that sex is only a matter for men, and if women insist on their sexual rights, they will be less gentle and dignified, and will be disrespectful. When a woman is influenced by this idea, she does not pay attention to the sexual stimulation that is effective for her, nor does she realize the importance of her own behavior to her own interests. The result of long-term passive waiting for your husband's love and affection is disappointing, followed by increasing resentment against your husband, but the husband does not know where he went wrong. Therefore, if women intend to fully enjoy their sexual potential, they need to establish a certain degree of sexual autonomy.

Case 1: Mrs. Luo confided to the doctor that during sexual intercourse, the husband did not know how to care about his wife at all. She could not reach orgasm, but he did not know at all. From the conversation, I learned that Mrs. Luo has a capable father. He takes the initiative on all matters big and small at home. From making connections when going out to receiving guests at home, from decorating the house to sewing clothes, he is a good hand inside and outside. . In Mrs. Luo's mind, her father is the backbone of the family and a capable man who can conquer the world. When Mrs. Luo was looking for a partner, she also used her father as a model and wanted to find a man as capable as her father. After Mrs. Luo married Mr. Luo, she felt that her husband was quite good in other aspects, but he could never satisfy her in terms of sex life.

Mr. Luo also has a lot of difficulties. Mrs. Luo usually doesn't have any opinions at all, and she always needs her husband's advice on all matters in the family. Mr. Luo is not troubled by this. But when it comes to sex life, she also has no opinion and hopes that her husband can dominate the world. Now Mr. Luo is in a dilemma. It seems that in Mrs. Luo's mind, not only is it a man's business to make money to support his family, but his sex life has also become a man's responsibility. Therefore, Mrs. Luo does not care about her own effective stimulation, does not care about her own sexual response, and does not understand her own sexual requirements. She just waits for her husband to solve her sexual problems for a long time. But the result was disappointing. She kept complaining about her husband, and he felt wronged: What mistakes did he make? Mrs. Luo did not realize that in order for women to have a satisfactory sexual response, they must exert their sexual potential and have a certain degree of sexual autonomy in their sexual life.

④Sexual Submission Fear of Being Abandoned: Another factor that often prevents a woman from taking responsibility for her own effective stimulation is her worry that her husband will abandon her if she is not a perfect ideal wife. She worries that excessive sexual demands will be rejected and disliked by her husband. These women who are afraid of being abandoned by their husbands may find that suppressing their sexual needs and desires, pretending sexual arousal and orgasm, silently and passively allowing men to have sexual control alone, or even adopting an attitude to please their husbands during sexual activities can help. Reduce the occurrence of anxiety. But this approach will undoubtedly not provide her with sexual satisfaction.

Case 2: Mrs. Li, who is middle-aged, came to consult because of sexual life problems. Her husband is a manager of a clothing company. In the past few years, Mr. Li's company's business has developed greatly, and Mr. Li's family has become rich. All the neighbors congratulated Mrs. Li, but she had unspeakable difficulties. In the past few years, her husband has become a manager and has become a well-known and capable person, but Mrs. Li is terrified. She heard that some managers went out to find lovers after their pockets swelled, so she was careful not to make her husband unhappy and become an excuse to go out to find lovers.

Mrs. Li told the doctor that she had a lot of worries when it came to having sex with her husband. She felt that the time her husband spent on flirting before having sex was too short. Her husband had already started having sex before she got into the mood. She wanted to tell her husband about her feelings, and even made it clear that she wanted him to extend the time for flirting before sex. . But she was worried that her husband would be dissatisfied and even refuse outright. Once, she wanted to tell her husband that she liked to stimulate her clitoris, but she hesitated for a long time. When she remembered her husband's impatient attitude, she lost the courage to communicate with her husband. She also dared not tell her husband that she had not reached an orgasm for a long time; in order to please her husband, she even pretended to have an orgasm. Obviously, Mrs. Liu was full of fear of being abandoned by her husband during her sexual life. She suppressed her sexual demands and passively allowed her husband to have sexual control alone, thus putting herself in a state of sexual submission.

⑤Husband’s psychological pressure: Women’s reluctance to express their sexual requirements also reflects deeper psychological conflicts. Men will think that women who try to play a more active role in sex life are presumptuous and “monster-like” women. It is a challenge and threat to one's own sexual ability. In other words, once he realizes that his wife's sexual requirements cannot be ignored, he will worry that his sexual ability cannot meet these requirements. They don't realize that to be a good sexual partner, he needs to provide gentle and sensitive stimulation, not just a lasting erection. He needs to subtly encourage his wife to be calm, relaxed and cooperative, and increase the coordination between husband and wife.

⑥ Deep psychological conflicts: Some women who have deep conflicts about sex-related activities often actively avoid potential stimuli that may lead to sexual arousal. For example, during sexual activity, the wife does not allow her husband to touch her, even lightly; when the husband tries to kiss her, she becomes angry rather than aroused; when the husband touches her inner thigh, she feels " Itches," rather than arousing sexual desire; she "cannot stand" having her breasts caressed, etc. These behaviors usually indicate some kind of inner or interpersonal conflict that must be resolved before a woman can respond sexually.

To sum up, appropriate communication methods between husband and wife should be adopted to enhance women’s sexual response without sacrificing men’s sexual pleasure and self-confidence. Couples not only need to learn some new sexual skills, but also need to change their past sexual activities. A woman must learn to take responsibility for her own sexual pleasure and must establish a degree of sexual autonomy rather than relying solely on her husband for her sexual satisfaction. If she gains this autonomy, she can learn to communicate her sexual desires to her husband gently and openly. She should not be pushy or defensive, and she should not have feelings of guilt or worries about abandonment. Husband and wife must learn to negotiate and compromise on sexual issues. They must learn to say no to each other and to ask what each other wants without guilt or defensiveness. At the same time, they must learn to accept the other person's rejection of their expressed wishes without taking this rejection as a message to control or abandon themselves. As long as both men and women exercise sexual autonomy and learn to take turns giving and receiving, as well as trusting each other, they can form a truly open and intimate sexual relationship. Moreover, the autonomy, communication style, frankness, and trusting intimacy learned from sex therapy are a healthy couple relationship based on a sound personality, and can also be used in other aspects of life.

3. The hindering effect of anxiety:

Being able to be immersed in sexual emotions, free from the rigid self-control that restricts free sexual expression, and allowing sexual reactions to develop naturally and unfettered is a prerequisite for a good sexual relationship between men and women. Regardless of the source of the anxiety, sexual anxiety can prevent such unrestrained sexual expression and lead to a defensive state against sexual permissiveness. Men are anxious because they are overly concerned about their ability in sex; women are limited in their ability to immerse themselves in sexual experiences because of the fear of being abandoned by their spouses. This defense against sexual permissiveness causes a woman to deny sexual emotions and prevents her from being fully engrossed in the sexual experience. When some women are unable to form arousal even though they are fully stimulated, it indicates that there is some potential sexual conflict in her. At this time, the arousal of sexual emotions can also cause anxiety. To combat this anxiety, she either avoids stimuli that might arouse her sexual response or builds defenses against her perception of sexual emotion. She subconsciously doesn't allow herself to feel sexually aroused. Such defenses include fighting against the sensual feelings of sex and exerting intentional control over the sexual experience. Patients who use this defense make themselves "bystanders" in sexual activities, observing and evaluating their own sexual behavior or their spouse's sexual behavior. She focuses on whether her performance is satisfactory, whether her spouse is tired or unhappy, etc. This "spectating" attitude seriously hindered her from immersing herself in sexual experience and unable to exert normal sexual functions.

One anorgasmic woman described it this way: "When I saw his erection, I felt like I had to take care of it immediately." It never occurred to her to respond to her emotions, as long as she had flashes of thoughts about her sexual pleasure. The thought will cause anxiety, so she always eliminates this thought immediately and focuses on her husband's feelings and attitude. When she reaches a high plateau of sexual tension, instead of encouraging her husband to continue stimulating her, she thinks: "That's enough, he must be tired, don't make him feel impatient, we should end it as soon as possible now." In this process , she learned to "control" her orgasmic response. Her husband, however, misinterpreted her signal that she had ended intercourse to mean that she had climaxed.

2. Deep inner reasons

Unconscious factors originating from early sexual psychology processes latent in female sexual dysfunction can stimulate negative emotional feelings during lovemaking, and can also stimulate and mobilize women's defense mechanisms to combat and prevent them from becoming aware of these sexual feelings. Wake up, this will damage their sexual ability and sexual response. The three most common factors in the etiology of female sexual dysfunction are: unresolved unconscious conflicts surrounding sexual behavior; disturbances in the relationship with one's spouse; and, in our culture, women's unconscious guilt about their overall sexual expression , especially unconscious guilt over the desire for self-confidence and autonomy.

1. The formation of women’s dependence psychological conflict:

The sexual role education that women receive from childhood is the cause of psychological conflicts. This kind of education is that they cannot stand on their own, they must rely on others, and they cannot survive without the protection of men. The person who brings them security is first their father, then their husband, and finally their son. Girls are often taught that in order to gain a sense of security, they must pay the price, which is to submit to the needs of men. Unlike boys, a girl's survival, growth and happiness do not depend on her own intelligence, strength and economic income, but on her attractiveness and charm. She will have to rely on a man's income and generosity. So, she comes to realize that her worth and social status as a human being will depend on her ability to please and attract a man who will give her everything she needs.

Role education of this nature can cause serious psychological conflict in women, especially those who are smart and gifted. However, these women are often unaware of this driving force and adopt some compromise solutions. For example, she will use her abilities and wisdom to promote her husband's career, boast about her son's achievements, and focus entirely on her family. In this way she carefully defended herself against any hostile attack from her husband, so as not to be abandoned by the one on whom she depended for her livelihood.

Adaptations of this nature enable many women to come to terms with their conflicts within this spectrum. But in other cases, the presence of envy and resentment, marital problems, and repressed signals suggests that these conflicts are still at work, often causing sexual dysfunction when they are awake. Some women who resist men still have intact sexual function, while in other cases conflicts over dependence on their husbands appear to play a major role in female sexual dysfunction. Unless these women begin to get in touch with their subordination conflicts and address issues in their sexual lives, it will be impossible to experience sexual pleasure and orgasm with their husbands.

2. Interrelationship issues

Compared with men, a woman's sexual response is affected to a greater extent by the quality of her relationship with her husband. When she is full of admiration for her husband, when he generally gives her a good spiritual idol, she is likely to have a high sexual response; conversely, if a woman thinks her husband is stupid, untrustworthy, or rude , then generally speaking, no matter how strong the husband's body is and how skillful he is in sexual activities, it is very difficult to get her to respond to the man during sexual activities. There are many factors that can damage the formation of women's sexual autonomy, among which the cultural tradition of placing women in subordinate and dependent roles plays a destructive role. Including the sexual role education women received as children mentioned above.

Problems in a girl's relationship with her parents, especially her father. It may cause them sexual dysfunction. The role that a father plays in a girl's family, especially when compared to her mother, undoubtedly has a profound impact on the gender role expectations and responsibilities that a growing girl plays. Society promotes male pioneering and female dependence. Men will feel guilty when they do not achieve anything, and women will feel guilty when they achieve something. Such role assignments do a disservice to both genders. This is not only reflected in sex, but also in other aspects of life. The designation of "male role" is also a heavy burden for men, which forces them to complete a career, compete, and stand out everywhere. They will feel guilty about the dependency they are showing, and they can't even admit the fact that they are tired of taking on all the responsibilities. The result of this mentality has also led to male sexual dysfunction and other psychosomatic sexual problems, such as depression, alienation, apathy, loneliness, excessive behavior, alcoholism, etc.

The above-mentioned psychological factors are all causes of female sexual dysfunction, but women with these factors may not necessarily have sexual dysfunction. The key is how she treats these factors, not the nature of the factors themselves. When she employs different defenses against these conflicts, different sexual dysfunctions can result. In sexual therapy, the principle of targeting the cause of disease is from shallow to deep, from near to far. The initial focus of therapeutic intervention is on defenses that directly create the problem and on alleviating the specific "here and now" pathogenesis of the specific sexual dysfunction. Only when solving the proximate cause encounters resistance, or fails to achieve curative effect, is it necessary to explore the indirect and long-term causes in order to ultimately solve the problem.