Ten years ago, the trial marriage trend once set off a revolution against siege in China. Nowadays, when the rapidly increasing divorce rate is testing the attitudes of men and women in the besieged city towards marriage, another new marriage model has become a transitional choice for people between inside and outside the besieged city. Its name is "trial divorce".

Recently, Mingli has been quite busy. Since I received the service of trying out the divorce agreement, there has been an endless stream of inquiries.

In a trial divorce agreement she had just drafted, she wrote: "Both husband and wife have voluntarily agreed on half a year as the trial period for trial divorce; the woman is still living in the current house... After the expiration of the period, it will depend on the situation and continue." Return to normal married life or go through divorce procedures." Mingli, the chief marriage analyst of Weiqing International Chain Group, smiled happily, "Perhaps this attempt will bring many hasty divorces to a halt. Or, people will finally have time to reflect on the divorce. Is it the most suitable choice? ”

As a new marriage relationship model that has become popular recently, the concept of trial divorce has formed a consensus among more and more people who are trying to break away from the shackles of marriage. Trial divorce, also known as "living apart", is a situation where two people agree to divorce and do not rush to legally complete the divorce procedures. They can actually "separate" for a period of time in life to give the marriage a buffer zone and at the same time make it easier for them to divorce. Both parties can calmly reflect on the marriage. However, what could have been done by the two parties in the marriage themselves now requires a bridge to build this buffering platform. The divorce company where Mingli works specializes in drafting divorce agreements for marriage parties.

Mingli’s first divorce partner was an accidental inspiration. At that time, during the Spring Festival last year, a female university professor came to her and said, "No matter what, I just want to divorce my husband quickly." Her husband was the vice dean of the university town. After contacting her, Mingli discovered that the relationship between the two was not the same. It's not a complete breakdown, it's just that the wife is a little picky about her husband. The husband of the client does not have any bad habits, but the client has a big conceptual problem and lacks tolerance. "You might as well try to get divorced." Mingli's suggestion was accepted by the client readily. Therefore, the two set up a trial divorce period of half a year and lived in separate rooms. Mingli first had a long conversation with her husband, and he gained a deeper understanding of marriage and the relationship between husband and wife. After that, Mingli changed each other's expectations during the six-month transition period and created communication channels for them. Within six months, the female client found Mingli and took the initiative to terminate the trial divorce agreement in advance, deciding to continue lovingly with her husband for the rest of their lives.

"If there is not such a buffer period for each other to reflect calmly and listen to each other's thoughts, this marriage will most likely end up in the wrong place." Mingli cannot bear to see such a tragedy unfold, and she has always believed that In fact, many marriages can be saved. "The yellow light of marriage is already flashing. Trying to divorce is the ultimatum to start the siege and defend the city."

Six months, the last life-saving straw

In less than two years, Mingli has handled 400 couples with trial divorce agreements, and 80% of the couples finally achieved a soft landing after trial divorce. In other words, in fact, in the end, the vast majority of people still choose Continue to stick to this promise in the siege.

In the trial divorce cases she has taken on, Mingli has determined that those who are suitable for trial divorce by agreement are: marriages that still have room for redemption, or one party in the marriage is too violent or has been tortured and cannot end the breakup peacefully. of. With such a buffer period, perhaps both parties can avoid violent conflicts and deal with the future consequences of the termination or continuation of the marriage calmly and without interference.

In Mingli’s view, the court also has a period of relaxation for a dying marriage, that is, from the first time the plaintiff requests divorce, the defendant refuses to agree to the divorce, and the court declares the divorce in the first instance. The defendant is not allowed to sue again for the next six months. These six months are usually regarded as the reconciliation period. If the plaintiff sues again after six months, there is no hope for court mediation, and the court may rule a divorce. Unlike the court's six-month reprieve period, which seems to be just a pointless wait, for trial divorce services, these six months are precisely the last "life-saving straw" to save a marriage from crisis.

The drafting of a trial divorce agreement is tailor-made according to the different problems of different families. As the saying goes, "Happy families are all the same, and every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Under different family circumstances, there are different versions of trial divorce agreements, involving loyalty agreements, property agreements, children Different agreements such as custody.

However, in Mingli’s view, the biggest difference between trying divorce services and finding a divorce lawyer is the outcome. “The trial divorce agreement involves the intervention of a marriage counselor. If the parties encounter confusion about marriage, Turning to a divorce lawyer will 100% divorce the marriage. In fact, for the marriage parties, what they need most is guidance on marital confusion, not just a divorce letter. In order to achieve the above goals as much as possible, during the six months after drafting the divorce agreement, Mingli also needs to do work for both parties in the marriage, warm each other's hearts, let them hear each other's voices, complete inner communication, and even Plan wedding anniversaries, children's birthdays, outings and other activities together to create an atmosphere for the almost dull married life, allowing each other to rediscover the shining points of each other.

According to a reporter from Life Weekly, the price of drafting a trial divorce agreement alone here is 1,000 yuan, and the cost of consulting services to complete the entire process is about 10,000 yuan.

The calm choice after trying out

“Even if the final result is divorce, trying out divorce will be successful after all.” One client Mingli once helped, her husband had someone else outside. , the two parties signed a trial divorce agreement. The agreement stated: "If the husband is found to have violated the principle of loyalty again, the three houses, cars, deposits, and a total of 10 million yuan of property will be transferred to the woman's name." During the next six months of trying to divorce, I never thought that my husband would still be divorced. After restraining herself, the woman used this period of time to collect evidence of the other party's cheating. On the premise of maximizing her rights and interests, the divorce was finally successful. Her husband was purged and left the house. In the end, the "mistress" also "victoriously" picked up a "mistress". Pauper" and retreated.

"Even if the final result is still that the two parties separate, after all, they have sorted out their inner thoughts, made choices calmly, and faced the future of life calmly." Mingli handled the trial divorce of the post-80s generation In the case, she found that many young people treat marriage carelessly and often get divorced because of trivial matters in life. Plus, when the divorce escalates and both parents join the fray, a vicious battle begins between the two mothers. "Everyone is worried that their children will be wronged. Parents arrange their children's marriage issues, and even advise their children to divorce as soon as possible while they are still young. In such trial divorce cases, it is often necessary to expand the target of emotional counseling to both parents."

Marriage counselors serve more than just the parties in the marriage during the process of divorce. When the nightmare of marriage is caused by the "mistress", even communication with the "mistress" becomes a breakthrough in healing the ailing marriage. Mingli discovered that these notorious "mistresses" actually really wanted someone to communicate with. Their loneliness and grievances could not be shared with relatives and friends, but they were more willing to go out and face marriage analysts. "Are you really going to use your youth to bet on this three-person war with no end in sight?" Mingli said earnestly and listened to the "mistress", and even helped the mistress find a happy way out for them on her own platform for single men and women. It also became something she was willing to do.

Link: Some reminders for "men and women trying to divorce"

Emotional columnist Bubble believes that "trial divorce" is a good attempt. It actually resolves marital conflicts over a longer time span in order to give crisis marriages a calming process. Because of this, Bubble believes that "men and women trying to divorce" need to be reminded of the following points:

First of all, don't make a quick decision. When a couple's relationship is in crisis, don't rush to conclusions. Especially when people are in emotions such as anger, sadness, pain, etc., it is more difficult to draw an objective and rational conclusion, and they will often push things into a worse situation out of emotion. So you might as well let yourself and your spouse calm down first, so that you can see the situation clearly and make a judgment.

Second, set the rules. No matter how long the "trial divorce" lasts, it is necessary to set rules for the two people's behavior during the "trial divorce" period, such as: whether you can call the other party and within what period of time; whether you need to call the other party regularly; The parents of the spouse call to say hello; if there is a major event such as the marriage or hospitalization of the other's relatives or friends, should the two go together; if there are children, who will take care of the children; should the children be told the truth? , what efforts do the two people have to make for this... In short, this agreement must be as detailed as possible to avoid foul play by one of the parties during the "trial divorce" period, causing new conflicts and making the marriage worse.

Finally, agree on a deadline. The key to "trial divorce" is to "try", so you can't keep "trying" without a time limit. Otherwise, the relationship will become weaker and weaker, and the marriage that should not have been divorced will eventually be separated.

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