After the couple enters the bridal chamber hand in hand, after passing through the heated period, they enter the conflict period. If the conflict is not resolved in time, it will turn into a dispute and become an entangled dispute. Generally speaking, disputes among parties with low cultural levels and those with choleric or sanguine tempers often manifest themselves in leaks, such as quarrels, fights, and destruction of things. It can be resolved through mediation, but then it recurs and civil war continues. People with high cultural level, phlegmatic temperament, and melancholic temperament often manifest themselves in internal depression, and they appear to be calm and quarrelsome on the outside, but they are indifferent to each other and have gaps in their hearts, so mediation is not easy to be effective.

alert. As disputes accumulate, couples become wary of each other due to estrangement, commonly known as "strange bedfellows". In the form of vigilance, those with a fetishistic attitude tend to hide each other's property, income and expenditure, while those with an externalistic attitude hide their interactions with the opposite sex from each other. In order to prevent the other party from seizing the clue and learning the truth, both parties are on guard in terms of economic and social relations, and even personal career issues, future issues, etc. are also tight-lipped, and they are guarding each other like a burglar.

crack. Secrets will be revealed one day. If the secret disclosure causes more serious disputes, the alert will be heightened; as a result, a vicious circle will be formed, and cracks will finally appear. Cracks manifest themselves in strong emotional dissatisfaction and in behavioral divergence. At this time, most of the people with living conditions live separately; those without living conditions, even if they live together, do so back-to-back.

rupture. The cracks are getting bigger and bigger and cannot be bridged, and the relationship is completely broken. There are generally three decision-making patterns for couples whose relationship breaks down: first, they part ways and go through legal procedures for divorce; second, considering various reasons, it is inconvenient to divorce, so they have to make do with life, enduring frustrations and burdens, and the relationship between husband and wife exists in name only; third, the relationship breaks down and is irreversible. Just to torture the other party, refuse to divorce, "hold him (her) back and prevent him (her) from being happy." This kind of drag is stupid and immoral, and it harms both others and ourselves.

What is formed inside is carried out outside. There are four stages of emotional breakdown. The first two are formed internally and are "causes" and generally belong to the category of inner activities; the latter two are performed externally and are "results" and generally belong to the category of actions. Therefore, in order to prevent emotional breakdown, adjustments should be made when conflicts between husband and wife occur and conflicts should be resolved in the bud.

Six major "stumbling blocks" that are detrimental to married life

If you want a happy and long-lasting marriage, it depends not only on management, but also on a harmonious sex life. In order to maintain a happy marriage, there are six mentalities that can be said to be stumbling blocks to a harmonious sex life. What are the six states of mind? Let’s take a look at the six major “stumbling blocks” that are detrimental to married life.

1. Selfish

After ten years of marriage, Mr. C and Ms. D lost interest in sex. Through psychological counseling, it was discovered that the problem was a lack of mutual praise and support. During the consultation, Mr. C complained that Ms. D took everything he did for granted, and Ms. D admitted this. But he also never complimented her or paid attention to her, she said.

A man not getting compliments is just as terrible as a woman not getting compliments, both leaving them emotionally deficient. After the consultation, Mr. C and Ms. D realized the importance of mutual praise and enthusiasm.

2. Frustration

Mr. A and Ms. B have only been married for five years, but half a year ago, Ms. B was no longer interested in having sex. Mr. A was in a bad mood due to rejection. They often had quarrels over this. The reason was mainly due to Ms. B's depression. Six months ago, Ms. B's mother passed away. She was very sad and depressed. Mr. A did not understand that his wife's depression would last for six months and she would lose interest in sex.

In fact, everyone will become depressed when they encounter emotional injuries, financial problems, work setbacks, or are under extreme pressure. With the help of a psychiatrist, Mr. A realized that he should be more understanding of his wife, and Ms. B also felt that she should get rid of her depression through treatment and work on improving their relationship.

After hard work, Mr. A and Ms. B gradually returned to normal.

3. Sexual taboos

Mr. E and Ms. F have been married for four years, and Mr. E's impotence has become increasingly serious. Mr. E is in a painful situation due to sexual taboos. He feels that "good girls" should not have anything to do with sex. Because he thinks his wife is a "good girl," he always feels nervous and blames himself when having sex with his wife, and eventually becomes unwilling to have sex with her.

The psychiatrist told Mr. E to try to adopt a more open attitude towards sex and talk frankly about this issue with Ms. E. And don’t always think about it when you are unable to engage in sexual activities. Learn relaxation training to improve the anxiety and tension at this time. Finally, Mr. E overcame this problem and had a normal and happy sex life with his wife.

4. Sex myths

Although sexual myths and sexual taboos are two extremes, they can also damage people's sexual relationships. Mr. G and his wife are an example. Mr. G has some bachelor friends who often brag about their sexual adventures. Mr. G also saw performances introducing sexual skills in some TV videos. He gradually felt that he was missing something, thinking that his relationship with his wife was not as wonderful as other people's.

In fact, this kind of sexual competition is contrary to nature and out of touch with reality. Mr. G and his wife finally understood that they had been deceived by exaggerated sexual myths.

5. Disharmony

Mr. M and Ms. P have a daughter who is in junior high school. The couple's sex life is deteriorating. Through psychological consultation, they found that there is always disharmony between them. They have completely different views on raising children. Mr. M is liberal and tolerant towards his children, while Ms. P is very strict. As her daughter grows up, this problem becomes more and more obvious. Ms. P even thought that Mr. M was too focused on his daughter and had forgotten the existence of his wife. They often quarreled openly, which put their sexual relationship under strain and almost came to a standstill.

6. Lack of adaptability

Marriage is a year-long series of relationships: getting married, having children, having children and starting a family, and then retiring... Psychologists believe that a couple must adjust each time they move from one stage of life to another. marital relationship, and during periods of change, sex life may cease for a period of time.

After Mr. K and Ms. L had been married for several years and had a child who was about to enter school, they began to feel that they could no longer adapt to each other, and their sex life came to a halt. Through counseling, they realized that the problem was their inability to adapt to their new relationship with a child. Not only are they now a couple, they're also parents, which means they play both roles at the same time, and they have to adjust their mindsets to get along harmoniously. As they adjust, sexual relations return to normal and become pleasurable for them again.

The above six mentalities are taboos in married life. I hope you will pay attention to them and stay away from the above matters. I wish you all can enjoy a happy life.

What issues should couples be careful about "triggering mines" when quarreling?

A research team from the University of Washington surveyed 2.5 million couples and found that when conflicts occur, 93% of couples try their best to avoid direct conflicts and have no choice but to express dissatisfaction and anger through a cold war. This approach makes it difficult for both parties to communicate and express themselves, leading to deeper misunderstandings. Surveys show that 80% of divorced couples have been in a cold war for a long time. The contents of the cold war between husband and wife include: ignoring each other, living apart, not having sex, not caring about each other, etc.

Psychologists call it "apple-peel harmony," which means things look bright on the outside but are starting to go bad on the inside. Researchers point out that if a couple is in a stalemate for more than 48 hours, negative emotions will overwhelm the original love or kindness, and the relationship will easily deteriorate.

It can be seen that when problems arise between husband and wife, do not remain silent. Of course, it's not wise to get emotional and blame each other. At this time, it is best to calm down for a while, then show that you cherish this relationship and express your thoughts. You can also write down your feelings and opinions in writing. This way of expression is more rational and calm, can explain the problem thoroughly, and also gives each other time to think, so both parties can get better communication.

The seven most taboo behaviors when couples quarrel

It is very common for couples to quarrel. However, some couples' quarrels can lead to emotional turmoil. And can turn quarrels into a way to enhance the relationship between husband and wife. But some couples quarrel so much that they both suffer. If it goes too far, it can tear a good family apart. This shows that for couples to get along, a little wisdom and art are also needed.

During a quarrel, both parties are emotionally excited and irritable, and the serious consequences of unruly remarks are sometimes unimaginable. But you must know that once hurtful words are spoken, you have to work several times harder to recover them. There may even be some damage that cannot be undone no matter how hard you try. Just like interpersonal relationships in society, people always have taboos of one kind or another when getting along with each other. The same goes for couples quarreling. There are certain words and taboos that cannot be touched no matter what.

1. Impulsive and ignorant, threaten the other party with divorce

Some couples often talk about divorce when they quarrel, for example: "I was really blind before I married you. If I want to divorce you, I don't believe that in this world, who can live without the other?" "Now, right away, let's go through the formalities. Whoever doesn't get a divorce is a coward!" Words like this sound cruel enough! It hurts my feelings enough! If there was someone listening next to me at this time, they would probably be unable to speak out even if they wanted to persuade them. This is all they have to say, okay! Definitely have to leave! In fact, a few days later, the two reconciled again. . . . . .

Some people say that people who often talk about divorce are actually not the ones who get divorced so easily! However, it is not a good thing to talk about things like divorce and become numb if you talk about it too much. Maybe one day, the two people's quarrel becomes serious, and they think that since they are clamoring for divorce every time, then they should just get divorced! In this case, the fake act will come true, and then it will be too late if you want to regret it.

2. Swearing and swearing at others, especially the other person’s parents

A quarrel is a quarrel, no matter what the cause of the quarrel is, which party is at fault, if one of the parties curses during the quarrel, then no matter how reasonable you are, you are already at fault, especially if you insult the other party's parents during the quarrel. , relatives and friends, this is a very lack of quality. Let's not talk about how disgusting those hurtful words are. Just talking about the incident of swearing, if you and your wife have a quarrel, why should your family, relatives and friends have to suffer the same? Do you have to be dragged in and scolded? You can resolve the affairs of your young couple behind closed doors by yourself. If you have a quarrel, you can even start a fight. Why curse? Or scolding some close relatives? Is this appropriate?

Furthermore, no one is willing to let you scold the other person or their relatives! Maybe it was a trivial matter that caused you to quarrel, but because of this scolding, the trivial matter turned into a big matter, and the small quarrel turned into a big quarrel. Moreover, if the matter really got big, the person who would be criticized the most would definitely be the scolding person. , believe it or not? So, no matter how noisy or noisy, don’t use bad language, we are all a family, and it is not appropriate to curse anyone, unless you really decide not to be with him or her! Besides, even if you are not prepared, it is not right to curse. Even a three-year-old child knows: cursing is immoral!

3. Bringing up old things again and bringing them up whenever there is a quarrel

When some couples quarrel, they will bring up all kinds of trivial matters again and again. It's so noisy that it makes people feel nervous. For example, a certain husband forgot to buy a birthday gift for a certain wife’s birthday a few years ago. For example, a certain husband had a phone call with his first love a long time ago. . . . When they are not quarreling, everything is fine. As long as there is a quarrel, these old memories will be revealed. After a long time, it will look very uncreative, right? Not to mention the quarrel between the old and the old would hurt the harmony, this quarrel should also bring out new ideas. How can we run toward happiness without any scruples when we always dwell on the past? So, forget what you should forget! Sometimes, forgetfulness is not necessarily a bad thing.

4. Talk without hesitation and reveal the shortcomings and scars of the other party

It's normal to speak unhesitatingly during a quarrel, but every time you quarrel, you unhesitatingly reveal the other person's scars, and in the end you have to sprinkle some salt on the scars. Isn't this a bit cruel? How can any normal person endure this when they have a quarrel? For example, I saw a couple quarreling on the street. The woman scolded the man for being worthless, and the man was furious: "XXX has a lot of potential, why don't you follow her? If she is so promising, isn't it because she doesn't like you and dumped you?" You've been dumped, so don't come to me for being a loser..." The man was still shouting, but the woman had already covered her face and ran away. This scar was so easily exposed, I really don’t know if these two people can live together peacefully in the future.

5. For childish behavior, seek comment from both parents

In fact, this is what my husband and I often did when we got married. It's very childish to call in the other person's parents for comment whenever there's a quarrel. In fact, after many comments, what can be judged when a couple quarrels? It's nothing more than scolding his son (daughter), with no consequences, and making the old man sad. Especially when the quarrel is very serious, the old people are often so angry that their faces turn blue but there is nothing they can do. So after we have been married for a long time, we have learned to be good. When we quarrel again, we don't tell anyone and just quarrel by ourselves. If the quarrel cannot be settled, we will continue to quarrel. Anyway, I don’t want to ask the old man for comment any more. He is such a big man, and he is already married, and he still has to let the old man worry about his daily life. It’s so inappropriate!

6. Being careless can cause psychological shadow to children

Couples who have children are better off quarreling less. But after having another child, the couple kept quarreling because of the child's various problems. This cannot but be said to be a contradiction. However, conflicts can also be resolved peacefully. When you feel like arguing, just think of your children and calm down your impulses! But if a quarrel is necessary, the children must be avoided, and the bad emotions of the two must not be allowed to affect the children. There are often scenes like this on TV, where adults shout and make noise uncontrollably, while children cower in the corner and cry. Crying is a trivial matter, but the key point is that such a scene has stayed in his heart, causing an irreparable shadow. This is a deep harm to the growth of children.

7. When quarrels escalate, use force to solve problems

Although I said above, 'If it really doesn't work, even if two people fight, they can't insult each other.' Even so, don't do it unless it's absolutely necessary. Quarrels are common, but if a fight breaks out, no matter who hits whom, the result will be painful. Husband beats wife? This is domestic violence. When the matter reaches the Women's Federation, you may be held legally responsible. Wife hits husband? Unless your wife has learned Taekwondo, boxing, etc., she will definitely still suffer. Besides, fighting is a sign of being a shrew. The original quarrel has already hurt each other's hearts, but if it escalates into a fight, it directly hurts the body. It's not good for the couple to hurt anyone. When the anger subsides and the two of them reconcile, they will be heartbroken to death!