Marriage is the best result of two people falling in love. It is not easy to keep your marriage as fresh as when you were newlywed. The trivial life of oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea after marriage will make your marriage last forever. The passion is slowly disappearing. So, how should married couples "insure" their marriage?

1. Understand romance

There are many families in China who live a very practical life after marriage, without any romantic elements appearing in the marriage. Faced with increasing social competition and pressure, many white-collar workers may complain that work pressure is high and they have no time for romance. However, these people who said they were "very tired" soon built a "Sifang City" and even played mahjong all night long. It can be seen that the key to being romantic lies in whether you have romantic feelings.

2. Develop a sense of humor

Many women think that men with a sense of humor are glib. They believe that two people in a marriage should be practical and do not need to talk about what they have and what is not. In fact, a sense of humor can resolve many conflicts in a marriage. . It can even help eliminate embarrassment and barriers, increase interest and emotion, and make the whole family happy.

3. Talk about love often

Many couples in China still don't like to talk about love to each other. They think that this kind of behavior is something they need to do when they first get married. After marriage, two people need to live a real life, and they feel that talking about love is unreliable. They prefer their spouses to embody their love in meticulous and considerate care. This is certainly true, but if there are only actions and no love words, will it give people a sense of shortcomings like "only the main course, no ingredients"?

4. Strengthen communication

Communication can resolve a lot of embarrassments and conflicts, but many couples like to keep their opinions to themselves and not speak them out. Over time, it can easily lead to the outbreak of conflicts and even push the marriage to destruction. Frequent communication can help you understand the other party's thoughts. The normal approach should be to strengthen communication. If you have any opinions or displeasure, you should express them sincerely, gently and strategically, and always take the initiative to understand what the other party thinks.

Three essential factors to grow old together

1: Desire

Desire is a very primitive thing. Appetite, sexual desire, and desire for survival all belong to the category of desire. If a couple has sex just for sexual needs, it is also a dangerous thing, because at this time, the oxytocin in the body and vasopressin levels will be high, causing harm to health. Moreover, these chemicals can create a strong sense of dependence in people, but it would be bad if the other person is not a suitable partner.

Two: Obsession

When love begins, both parties will be infatuated with each other, but how can you maintain such enthusiasm over time. Experts believe that romantic love produces a chemical called dopamine, which causes people to become overly obsessed with their sexual partners. From an evolutionary perspective, this natural fascination drives male and female animals to stay together and spend the female's pregnancy together. Surveys show that people in the infatuation stage spend more than 90% of their time thinking about their lovers. There are two reasons for the lack of love between couples: first, the nerve terminals of the brain have been exposed to high levels of stimulation for a long time and gradually become numb; second, the secretion level of brain chemicals gradually decreases. No matter what the cause is, generally after two to three years, the enthusiasm will gradually cool down.

Three: Adhesion

When the infatuation weakens, there will be a period of adhesion. When partners have a mutual attachment mentality, both parties will feel safer. It is this power that makes a couple grow old together. Of course, the problem in life is how to find the other half to share it all with you.

The psychology of marriage and love is a subject that adults need to study. If you want a long-lasting love and a sweet couple, you might as well pay attention to the psychological factors recommended by marriage experts to grow old together. Try your best to learn more and maintain the relationship between both parties, so that you can truly be happy partners.

37 degrees is the most reasonable temperature for marriage

-A perfect marriage is based on emotion, and respect, understanding, and tolerance are the sources of maintaining a relationship. How to make your married life happy?

Huang Weiren, a professor at Northwestern University School of Medicine, is known as the "Doctor of Love." In his book "The Secret of Living in Love", he pointed out that the two sexes have different understandings of marriage, which in turn leads to different levels of satisfaction with marriage. Often when the husband rates the satisfaction of his marriage as a 7, the wife only rates it a 2. This is called the "temperature difference" in marriage. "People who are determined to maintain their marriage need to have a more objective understanding of the current marital status. Testing the temperature of the marriage is a good way."

Just like human body temperature, the ideal marriage temperature should be constant at around 37 degrees Celsius. Huang Weiren pointed out that such couples treat each other as guests, respect and love each other, laugh on weekdays, and quarrel when they have different opinions, but they can always find ways to understand each other and resolve conflicts in a reasonable way.

Everyone hopes that love will be vigorous and vigorous. If a marriage is like this and the temperature continues to be high, it will be easy to "fever" and burn each other. Huang Weiren believes that some couples always confront each other head-on. Both of them are very opinionated and say whatever they want. When they quarrel, they are even more emotional and loud. When emotions arise, people will inevitably say angry words. If there is no timely explanation and communication afterwards, it will easily hurt the self-esteem of the partner.

Some wives are too clingy and regard their husbands as "private property". They wish they could be together every day and demand to control each other's every move, so that the temperature of the marriage is always at a high point. This kind of dependent psychology just shows that the wife's soul is empty or immature. They hope that the other party can accept them unconditionally anytime, anywhere and put themselves first. But in the adult world, it doesn't work to force the other person in any form to satisfy one's own psychological needs.

And sometimes, the temperature of marriage will drop to freezing point. In such a marriage, the couple will avoid conflicts for a long time, fail to communicate when things happen, and the grudge in their hearts will become deeper and deeper, and finally they will become like "meetings are like ice". There is an old saying in China, "More sorrow is greater than death." Couples avoid conflicts because conflicts will bring pain to both parties. But in the long run, it will take a lot of effort to heal the marriage.

Therefore, in order to maintain a perfect marriage temperature, it is most important to learn and be good at communication. Huang Weiren believes that communication is to express one's own thoughts and learn the other party's thoughts, and cannot be denial or personal attack. For example, if the husband wants to go out for socializing, and the wife is not happy about it, she can complain: "You have been out a lot recently, and we haven't had dinner together for a long time. I feel lonely." This is a complaint, and the wife plainly expresses the trouble caused by her husband's going out.

But if the wife angrily says, "You are always like this, just go out and play by yourself." That becomes an accusation. To change your partner's overly sticky state, on the one hand, you must truthfully tell the other person that you need independent space and social activities. An understanding partner will generally accept this. On the other hand, you might as well encourage them to develop their own hobbies and social circles.

In addition, a study by John Gutmann, a professor of psychology at the University of Washington, found that men who help their wives wash the dishes and express their feelings have happier marriages and live longer. Although the reason for this study cannot be explained more scientifically at present, one thing can be confirmed. As long as the husband can do this and speak boldly, it will be helpful to the marriage.

[What is your "marriage temperature"]

Want to know your "marital temperature"? You may wish to take the following test questions. This test was designed by Dr. Stanley, a psychologist at the University of Denver, and is recognized as the simplest and most effective "marriage thermometer." Please compare and rate yourself based on the 8 conditions below.

1. A small dispute suddenly turned into a big quarrel, with each other yelling at each other fiercely and old scores being brought up.

2. My lover ignores my opinions, feelings, and needs.

3. My words or actions are often considered malicious by my partner.

4. When there is a problem to be solved, we always seem to be on opposing sides.

5. I cannot tell my partner my true thoughts and feelings naturally.

6. I often imagine that if I could change my lover, what would it be like?

7. I feel very lonely in my marriage.

8. When we quarrel, there is always one party who is unwilling to talk anymore and starts to avoid or leave the scene.

The scoring standard is that if each question "never" or "rarely happens", it is worth 1 point; "occasionally happens" is worth 2 points; and "often happens" is worth 3 points. When you add up the scores for each question, if the total score is between 8 and 12, it means that the temperature of your marriage is stable and healthy. If the total score is between 13 and 17, your marriage needs to be vigilant. If the total score exceeds 18 points, it means that your marriage needs to be adjusted immediately.