The Way of Being a Wife: You need to read your husband's manual carefully

Those with families firmly believe that their spouse can make up for all their shortcomings, and wives cannot escape the "romantic love" generated by trust in their husbands→ The fantasy routine of "sweet marriage → happy life".

Marriage problems are mostly caused by "glitches" or "misoperations"

As a marriage psychological counseling expert, in January 2007, Li Bingjun opened a company called "Fun Family" in South Korea. Family Life Guidance Center, currently a family education expert and couple issues lecturer. In Li Bingjun's career, he has saved countless "troubled marriages and families" and is known as the "miraculous creator of happy marriages." During the consultation process, Li Bingjun found that the vast majority of people who voiced their pain when faced with marital problems were women, and most of these problems were about very common issues in daily life such as differences between men and women and cultural differences.

The reason why it can be saved is that these problems do not damage the essence of marriage, but are just some very simple "faults" and insignificant "misoperations". Just like when you first start using a SLR camera, if you have an "Instruction Manual" at hand, many problems can be solved without having to spend a lot of money to go to a specialty store for repairs, let alone to the point of scrapping.

Before reading the "Husband Instruction Manual", Li Bingjun reminds us that we must first throw away the illusion of marriage. "In fact, the fundamental reason for getting angry at your spouse is that one spouse believes that the spouse's use value has been reduced. Because everyone hopes that their other half will have superhuman abilities to meet all their needs. However, if the other half If your ability is not as high as you expected or you are simply taking advantage of yourself, then no matter who you are, you will undoubtedly be angry or angry because of disappointment or betrayal after learning this fact. This is what is said in mass media and traditional culture. The 'marriage fantasy'

Family owners firmly believe that their spouse can make up for all their shortcomings, and wives cannot escape the "romantic love → sweetness" generated by trust in their husbands. The fantasy routine of "marriage → happy life". Although, once they get married, they know that it is just a fantasy, but women who are deeply trapped in the illusion still believe that the day they want will always come. Then they fill their hearts with other fantasies to keep themselves alive. However, this kind of fantasy not only fails to bring happy marriages to the wives, but will only bring more pain and sadness to the wives. As a result. Makes marriage more unhappy."

When "hunting animals" become "TV animals"

As mentioned at the beginning of this article, many wives find that their husbands are only interested in TV sets after returning home, and are not interested in all other things. Turning a blind eye to household chores, turning a deaf ear to the pleas for help from his wife and children. Why do men want to watch TV as soon as they get home? Li Bingjun analyzed that the most important reason is the requirement for rest. The formula "home = rest" makes men more tired and want to lie down comfortably at home. In other words, watching TV is not the purpose, but wanting to take a comfortable rest is the purpose.

The second reason is that the TV screen is very bright. Men's visual directionality is very obvious, and they are especially sensitive to bright light. The reasons for this can even be traced back to ancient times. At that time, men were still hunting animals. After a tiring day outside, they would carry the prey home and watch the campfire while intoxicating themselves. So, as soon as you get home, it means that the arduous hunting mission is over, and now it is time to lie down comfortably and enjoy it. The TV at home acts as a warm campfire.

Li Bingjun said jokingly: "Please pay attention to the expression of your husband who is watching TV - happiness. That is really a devotion. It is no exaggeration to say that any man can do it if he has a career. If you are as focused and passionate as watching TV, there is no career that cannot be successful. If the TV takes away the status of the main wife and becomes the little wife, she will inevitably feel jealous. When she can't stand it, she will inevitably take extreme measures, such as It is said to unplug the power, but this often has the opposite effect. It can only make the husband favor the wife even more, making the situation even more unfavorable to him and making him more sad."

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How to be a wife: You need to read your husband’s manual carefully

Pry open the mouth of the “silent gray wolf”

Li Bingjun found during the consultation that one of the items that wives complained about the most , that is, every time a conflict occurs, the wife is angry, but the husbands remain silent. The angry wife may even change the direction of her anger, from the substantive conflict just now to the husband's silent attitude afterwards. Li Bingjun said with a smile that he had seen many wives who were helpless because their husbands stopped talking to them during the "couples debate" process, and even suspected that their husbands had autism.

In Li Bingjun's view, the silence of husbands can be said to be a kind of "temporary autism." From the perspective of husbands who are not as eloquent as their wives, silence is a way for them to protect themselves, avoid escalating conflicts, and even "muddle through." But for wives, this kind of "rejection" by their husbands makes them feel ignored, which becomes the culprit that makes them feel angry and continues to escalate conflicts between husband and wife.

Li Bingjun has been using methods to popularize the differences between men and women to help resolve such marital conflicts. "A man is a 'problem-solving' oriented animal. Once all the suggestions he puts forward are rejected by his wife, he will easily adopt a silent approach, thinking that you won't listen to what I say anyway, so why should I continue? Go on? But women are different. Women are "emotional venting" animals. In many conflicts between couples, we can find that women do not always put problem solving first, but want to vent their negative emotions as wives. When a question is asked and the husband gives several alternative answers in order to resolve the conflict quickly, it is more likely to cause dissatisfaction in the wife.

They will think: 'You have no idea. Whatever happened, you know how to treat me perfunctorily!