Milan Kundera said that sex is not just a physical desire, but from another level, it is also a desire that involves all aspects. That attachment we have, the one we love for our partner, becomes a mirror to us, measuring who we value and what our worth is.

The age of asexuality is coming

Professor Pan Suiming of the Institute of Sexual Sociology of Renmin University of China led 36 researchers and conducted a nationwide random sampling survey for one year. The study investigated the sexual life status of 3,824 men and women aged 20 to 64 in 60 places in urban and rural areas across the country. It was found that among men and women who are married or cohabiting, more than 1/2 do not have sex every month. 4 (28.7%); in the recent year, 6.2% did not even have sex. Marriage and sex are inseparable things, but why are so many people still insisting on sexless marriages?

Professor Pan Suiming believes that there are two reasons: lack of love in marriage and ignorance of sex. If a person feels that their partner is very considerate of them, they will have a lot of sex, and the less considerate they are, the less sex they will have.

The records of Professor Zhu Jiaming, executive director of the Chinese Sexology Society, deputy chairman of the Sexual Medicine Professional Committee, and vice president of the Guangdong Provincial Sexology Society, in the sexual medicine specialist clinic also show that among patients with sexual dysfunction, male The proportion far exceeds that of women.

Exploring the foundation of "asexuality"

"Sexless marriage" is not just about "physical enjoyment". According to professor Zhu Jiaming, a sexual medicine expert, suppressing the body's natural sexual needs will lead to psychological imbalance, weird personality, and even neurosis. In severe cases, disorders of other body functions may also occur, affecting physical health. Research has found that many "sexless marriages" are caused by psychological reasons.

Lack of learning the art and knowledge of love

Sex is the complete and thorough exchange of love, the union of soul and body. If there is no love, or although there is love, but lacks the art of love, perfect sex cannot be achieved. Psychologist Fromm, author of "The Art of Loving", seriously pointed out that many people in today's Western society regard love as a product of sexual satisfaction, and regard love as a haven for companionship and prevention of loneliness. These two views are They are two "normal" forms of the decline of love in Western society, a pathology of love determined and caused by society. This pathology takes many individualized forms, all ending in conscious suffering. He proposed that love is an art, requiring people to have knowledge in this area and work hard for it. The art of loving includes both theory and practice. Love is caring, responsibility, respect and understanding. Only when you fully understand each other, can love be produced by mutual care, respect and a sense of responsibility for the family, and only on the basis of love can there be love. sex happens.

In our country's education, because there is a lot of book knowledge in school education, and too little social practice knowledge, such as interpersonal communication and interaction, ways and practices of handling future marriage and family life, courses in this area are very limited in our country. of school education is zero. Many people learn about the art of relationship between the sexes from jokes on websites, informal books, parents’ experience, and casual chats and persuasion among colleagues. In high school education in the United States, there is a course in which two students, a boy and a girl, pretend to be parents and let them experience part of the process of raising a child. For example, they are asked to take a rag doll home and experience breastfeeding and feeding the child. Bathing and other processes, when these young "parents" experienced such a process, they all had a new understanding of their future married life. Such courses actually cultivate children's sense of responsibility.

The attachment style theory of love relationships believes that the attachment relationship established by an individual during infancy will enable the individual to form a lasting and stable personality trait. This trait is naturally beneficial to the individual when establishing an intimate relationship with the opposite sex. Revealed. They believe that the form of interpersonal intimacy in childhood may have a causal relationship with the form of later love interaction.

It can be seen from this that love has become a professional scientific knowledge. Scientists and psychologists have entered the forefront of studying love, and these research results will continue to serve mankind in the future.

Lack the ability to love

In a sexless marriage, one of the spouses is mentally ill or has a personality disorder, and some of the spouses just have a childish and immature personality. When people without mature personalities enter a marriage, they will feel unable to deal with many responsibility issues and the art of getting along between the sexes.

Some people are patients with personality disorders. They usually have strong narcissism and cannot understand the feelings of others. Their spouses usually cannot get along with them, and when they fall in love or When newly married, it is usually more enthusiastic. People with personality disorders have a sexual attitude of asking for things rather than giving. They usually do not consider the feelings of the other party. In such a sexual life, the normal partner usually feels that sexual life is a simple one. "Making love" is not an interaction and communication between the two sexes. Over time, the normal party will feel disgusted with this purely physical communication, and then sexual indifference will occur.

Some spouses have a childish personality and do not pay attention to the other's feelings in daily life, and are more self-centered in personality. This causes the other party to have psychological resentment, which manifests as loss of interest in sexual life.

So when choosing a spouse, pay attention to the mental health status and personality maturity of the other person, and you will be able to predict the degree of "sexual happiness" in your future married life.

Of course, if you find that your personality has an immature side, it is also necessary to pay attention to study, exercise or seek consultation from a psychologist in your life. Only with a healthy personality can you have a healthy marriage and a harmonious sex life.

Sexual psychological trauma in childhood

During the psychological treatment of a sexually frigid woman, it was discovered that she used to be a lively and happy girl in childhood, but when she was 9 years old, In 2007, a boy came to her home to play. While her parents were not at home, he put his hand into her vagina and touched her. She didn't know what happened at the time, but as she grew older, she began to feel ashamed, and she never forgot about it. When she got married, she and her husband had sexual harmony and happiness at first, but she gradually discovered that her attitude toward sex was rejection, and she had no genuine interest in sex. . Gradually, she developed frigidity.

There was a woman who had been sexually apathetic for many years. She later admitted that she had been raped as a child. Therefore, her attitude towards sex was shameful and she could not feel pleasure from sex. Because she was personally humiliated by being raped in her early years, she never had the courage to tell her husband about it. Thus avoiding sex as a way of dealing with inner pain.

When childhood sexual and psychological trauma causes psychological scars to one party, a poor sexual life at this time is like adding insult to injury to the injured party. They can usually force themselves in the face of social public opinion and pressure when they get married, but after their marriage becomes stable, they will feel even more pressure on their souls. Such people need treatment from a psychiatrist.

Lack of communication and understanding

In the psychological counseling of many women, we found that they have no access to life-threatening situations such as miscarriage, pregnancy, and childbirth. The husband's understanding leads to resentment towards her husband and develops into frigidity. Some women have been dissatisfied with their husbands for not taking wedding photos, or for having irregular wedding ceremonies, etc. They have been grudges for many years and have developed into frigidity. Moreover, the common feeling of many women in such life events is that they have given their whole life to him, but he only cares about his own feelings during sex, but he does not love her from the bottom of his heart. Emotionally, of course I am not willing to give in sex. Moreover, many women were not accompanied by their husbands during the process of miscarriage or abortion. They did not even make a phone call or buy nutritional supplements. They felt that they suffered the pain alone and did not experience love and care. Family love, this feeling is actually a kind of sexual psychological trauma. Such trauma makes them hesitate to move forward with sex. Thinking of the painful scenes during miscarriage makes their hearts sting. This sting prevents them from experiencing the joy of sex.

Many men complain that their wives, instead of supporting and comforting them when they are lost, in pain, or unsatisfactory in their careers, laugh at them like outsiders, or even worse than outsiders. They are complaining like this During the period, impotence gradually appeared.

Some couples cannot reach a consensus on the education of their children, and they often quarrel over their differences in educating their children, thus causing disharmony in the couple's life.

Some couples live together with elderly people, and the friction caused by the problem of getting along between the two generations makes the couple feel resentful and lose their sex life.

In short, it is an important method for both husband and wife to reach a consensus on handling major events in family life and strengthen communication and understanding. Economic and Social Pressure The loss of sexual life caused by family economic difficulties or economic pressure is an important factor in this competitive era. Because family members attach importance to material life or to create a good learning opportunity for their children, parents put all their energy into the pursuit of finance, while the opportunities for family members to get along with each other decrease, so the relationship between husband and wife gradually The coldness of the ground leads to the coldness of sex. Including the following situations:

1. Poverty of economic conditions, or economic pressure. Both husband and wife do not have enough energy and mood to enjoy sex.

2. There are major changes in the living and working environment of one party, resulting in major differences in the social and economic status of both parties.

3. Due to financial pressure, one of the spouses goes abroad or works in other places, or is busy and travels frequently, resulting in the couple not having enough time to communicate.

The impact of economic pressure on sex life in marriage is an inevitable factor in this era, and how family members adjust is an important link. How can they still maintain feelings and sex in an era of such great economic pressure? For harmony, problems can only be solved by more communication and consensus among family members.

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