Love is the most complex and subtle human activity. How can you gain the upper hand in love? Regardless of whether the parties involved realize or admit it, various psychological manifestations in love are actually closely linked to the most basic human sexual psychology. At the subconscious level, love is to a large extent the preparation, imitation, prediction and pursuit of future sexual life, but there are big differences between men and women.

Love begins with attraction. The initial attraction comes from the other person's gender image. This image is actually the model that is most conducive to a happy sex life in the future.

In terms of appearance, the men who are most attractive to women are generally tall, broad-shouldered and broad-chested, full of strength, and giving people a sense of security. Women often describe them as "thick." On the contrary, "thin" men always make women suspicious.

In future sexual life, women will mainly rely on the body and touch to feel. Objectively, they need both a majestic and rich active actor and a solid person to rely on. This psychological need that is difficult to detect by oneself forms the standard of male beauty in women's minds.

Men are easily attracted to women with obvious secondary gender characteristics. This is the so-called "slim does not mean thin, plump does not mean fat". Men don't think much about the other person's height, but they attach great importance to her skin, for the same reason. Even in direct sexual life, men are more likely to be aroused by visual sexual stimulation, so they unconsciously form such an aesthetic view. Temperament is often more attractive than appearance.

In popular songs, it is called "You (male) are chic, and I (female) are beautiful." Men also have a song, "I'm ugly, but I'm gentle." This is because in the future sexual life, women cannot tolerate the other party's roughness, fussing, and inability to let go, and they hate "only sex without love", so they secretly Create opposite expectations. Women often blame men for being "stupid", but they also prefer "smart" men most.

Is intelligence intelligence? No, it’s “empathy” and “communication without words.” Aren’t wives who have a happy sex life happier because of this? .

What about men? Apart from beauty, the biggest expectation for a woman is probably to be kind. A woman's meekness becomes her greatest sex appeal. Men always desire to be the dominant ones in their sexual life, and the "strong women" in society are always misunderstood as the "tigresses" in the family. Therefore, even men who have eaten the guts of a leopard will not be attracted to them.

People also have a social image. Young girls always feel that boys of the same age are too immature, because without rich social experience, it is really difficult for men to understand and satisfy women’s delicate and rich requirements. Especially in life.

Men are always attracted to women who are full of youthfulness, regardless of their actual age. In the eyes of men, a woman must become the image of a little sister before he can engage in sexual intercourse with her. Otherwise, men's passion, thoughtfulness and sense of responsibility will be difficult to arouse.

After attraction, love enters the second step - dating. Men are often "thick-skinned." He can "court love on the street", he can "eat from the bowl and stare at the pot", he can "be across the pot, the table and the kang", and he can start planning for marriage or sex after the first date (at least in the bottom of his heart).

If a woman is also affectionate, she will appreciate his proactiveness, but she can't understand why he is so impatient. She even wonders: If he had gotten it earlier, would he have rejected it earlier? The direct reason is probably the sexual differences between men and women. Male internal motivation mainly comes from physiological sexual development. He had nocturnal emissions, sexual dreams, and masturbation early on.

When it comes to love, his sexual experience is actually very rich. He is more eager to expand his experience to interpersonal sexual relationships through love and marriage. What's wrong with this? Of course, the boundaries are very clear. If he is separated from love and marriage, he will degenerate into a "pervert".

In general, women are the opposite. Her menarche is just the beginning of her reproductive function and does not necessarily bring about direct sexual hunger. Her sexual motivation comes from gradual learning and experience accumulation, and it often does not fully manifest until the sexual life begins. She has no nocturnal emissions and rarely has sexual dreams. The incidence and frequency of masturbation are much lower than those of men. In particular, she is less likely to reach orgasm than men.

When she first fell in love, she was actually basically "sexually blind". Therefore, she can be full of daydreaming longings for romantic and pure love, but refuse to understand and accept the sexual meaning of love. She hopes to experience love more deeply and for a longer period of time, and there may even be a few years when she swears to be celibate. What's so strange about this? If her sexual and psychological development is stagnant for a long time, she will not harm society, but will only punish herself by being single or retreating into Buddhism.

The third step in falling in love is to get to know each other intimately. If there is genuine concern for each other again, love will be basically mature. Even in the year of diamond wedding, love between both parties must still have four minimum foundations-attraction, association, intimacy and care. Otherwise, such a marriage will have a family, responsibilities and obligations, and growing old together, but there will be no love.

How to determine whether there is intimacy and care? Of course, it mainly depends on your own subjective feelings and evaluation. Here, the differences between men and women can easily cause misunderstandings and disputes, and even "beating the two couples". Many men are too realistic. The criteria for their judgment are often based on specific actions. Isn't "a deep kiss" not intimacy? Financial or material exchanges, help in life, and even filial piety to future parents-in-law, aren’t they called care?

Once the woman says "Let's break up", they always ask endless questions, drink to drown their sorrows or appeal to the sky: "Why on earth is this?!" Today's China is changing too fast, one of them There has been a sharp increase in divorce cases, accounting for as much as 70% of divorce cases in many areas. Not to mention girlfriends, even some fiancées who have lived together dare to say "bye" and walk away. I don't see many older girls hanging themselves and jumping into the river because of "losing their virginity". No wonder someone changed Cui Jian's song to "It's not that I don't understand, it's that I don't understand."

The standard by which a woman evaluates intimacy and care is mainly feeling, and it is the unspeakable feeling deep in her own heart. When discussing the reasons for breaking up, no woman can express her feelings clearly in a language that men can understand, so she has no choice but to say nothing. This is just like any woman who falls in love and can't explain why she loves him, but fortunately there is no need to say it.

In the world of women, no matter how intimate the behavior is, it must be the most in line with their psychological needs to be considered an expression of emotion, otherwise it will become offensive. Caring means caring about my heart, otherwise what is the point of spending money, working, and being a good son-in-law? Many "shrew women" who bully their "honest" husbands are, in the final analysis, unforgivably lacking in this aspect.

The reason why "older young women" or divorced and widowed women are reluctant to publish marriage advertisements is no longer "feudal", but because their most fundamental requirement is to "treat me well", which is difficult to use expressed in the language of the male world.

These differences are rooted in the different needs and feelings of men and women during sex. When men enter and input, they are prone to reactions, and everything is realistic and rational. Women expect, experience, and strive for reactions. Everything is driven and connected by feelings, and dreamlike irrationality is "natural". Needless to say, every sexually happy couple knows that happiness comes from the reconciliation of differences.

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