Before marrying Li Fan, I had a short marriage and I had children. Li Fan is three years younger than me. He is married for the first time and has no history of marriage.

So, when he expressed his love to me, I hesitated for a long time because of my age and my marriage history. But Li Fan did not give up: "What I love is you now, nothing else is important." His persistence deeply touched me, so I accepted his love.

When our relationship became public among family and friends, there were a lot of opinions. Li Fan's family raised objections, and my family was also worried. "You are beautiful. You will take advantage of finding a husband like this!" A friend who usually cares about her said with a jealous tone. The shadow of my previous marriage left me with lingering fears, and coupled with these, I wanted to withdraw. But none of this stopped Li Fan and I from coming together. With his encouragement, I threw everything aside and got married to him.

On our wedding night, Li Fan seemed to have forgotten that I had had sexual experience: "Don't be afraid, I'll do it gently..." His gentleness and thoughtfulness warmed my heart. When his clumsiness and jerkiness made me realize that he had no sexual experience and was still a virgin, I was shocked and felt an inexplicable feeling of guilt in my heart. But Li Fan looked very happy and gave me all his warmth as a man. In return, I have become more serious about everything from my clothes to everything, and I am not as listless as I was just after the divorce. Although I had given birth to a child, my figure was not out of shape at all. Li Fan bought many beautiful fashions for me, and I looked several years younger when I put them on. This makes me feel that the difference between me and Li Fan is much smaller.

Not long after, I became pregnant, and he was even more delighted. He took good care of me like a young lady from ancient times who could wear clothes and open her mouth with food.

I have read and heard some rumors in some books, saying that natural childbirth will cause a woman to become very loose and affect her husband's life. Because my previous birth was a natural birth, if I give birth that way again this time, I will feel that I owe Li Fan even more. So before giving birth, Li Fan and I discussed having a cesarean section. "Is it painful to have a natural birth or a cesarean section? Whichever is less painful?" He still felt sorry for me. He went to ask his female colleagues, and they said that it would be natural if the fetal position was correct, and that there might be sequelae after a cesarean section. So he came back to ask for my opinion. I was also afraid of getting stabbed, so I decided to give birth naturally.

After several hardships, we finally got through that special period. Because I received good care from Li Fan, my body recovered quickly after giving birth. That night, when Li Fan lovingly put a new nightgown in my hands after putting the child to sleep, I read the message of love in his eyes. However, I was worried in my heart, fearing that I would not be able to make Li Fan happy and enjoy himself if I was not good enough. Therefore, I was very nervous during the whole process. Li Fan thought I was afraid of pain, so he moved very gently: "It's okay, okay, I'll be gentle." He coaxed me like a wedding night and asked me to relax.

"Okay?" After the passion subsided, I pressed my face against his broad chest, and his heartbeat was still as strong. "Okay! Of course!" He patted my back and said with a joyful voice. "Take a break, I want more!" That tone was like a greedy child asking for candy. He fell asleep, and listening to his steady breathing, the stone that had been hanging in my heart fell gently.

After the child was half a year old, I weaned myself off the breast and returned to work. Li Fan felt sorry for me having to go to work and take care of the children, so he made delicious food every day and kept asking me to make up for it. I couldn't bear to betray his kindness, so I ate as much as I could. The result of this was that I gained weight rapidly after three months, and my body shape suddenly changed. I lost my previous slimness and lightness, and became bloated and clumsy. I couldn’t even put on any of the beautiful clothes that Li Fan bought me in the past. . When Li Fan and I met his friends on the street, those eyes that looked up and down seemed to say that Li Fan and I were not a good match, which made me feel very frustrated. So I didn't let Li Fan make delicious food anymore, so I started dieting, got up early in the morning to go for a run, and secretly bought back weight loss pills.

${FDPageBreak}

"You, what I love about you is your person, not your body shape and appearance, weight loss pills It’s harmful to the body, so don’t take it anymore.” Li Fan scolded me when he found out. "But..." "Women are born to love beauty. If this is the case, then try to find a good way, okay?" He understood my mood. Although what he said was very reasonable, I still felt uncomfortable. I hid the weight loss pills in my desk and took them after work.

I don’t know if it’s the diet pills or the inferiority complex, but I find that my desire is not as strong as before. This makes me feel uneasy. Li Fan seems to have an inexhaustible passion. He pesters me for it almost every night. Although sometimes I don't want to, I never refuse his request, I am just very passive. Li Fan is sensitive, and he noticed my indifference to sex: "Are you tired? Why don't you ask for leave to rest!" I shook my head, and I had to become more enthusiastic during sex in the future. Many times, I feel like Sally in a movie who fakes an orgasm in order to make her husband happy, wearing a mask, and that feeling is extremely uncomfortable. I am an introvert and usually don't like to talk. I know that couples need to communicate, but I can't speak. In this regard, Li Fan seems to only like to use actions to speak, so I keep everything in my heart.

Half a year ago, I noticed that Li Fan had changed. When he returned home, he no longer talked as much or was as humorous as before. Sometimes he would stay in the study for a while. Has our marriage entered a period of burnout? Does Li Fan regret marrying me? The boundless dark clouds began to overwhelm my heart and I couldn't shake them away.

When I get to bed at night, Li Fan is not as enthusiastic as before. Sometimes I take the initiative to reach out and touch him, but he just shakes my hand gently and says, "Go to sleep." After saying that, he turned around and went to sleep. After a few times, I secretly shed tears, followed by insomnia night after night. Facing the lonely married life, I was helpless.

However, I must face it and cannot avoid or let it slide. This is my second marriage. If Li Fan breaks up with me again... I can't lose Li Fan, I can't lose this marriage. , I have to find a way to bring our relationship back to life. After thinking about it carefully, I secretly made up my mind to undergo a vaginal narrowing surgery.

I heard this idea from a colleague. She is in her 40s. Her husband had an affair a year ago and was hanging out with a 20-year-old woman. She didn’t make any fuss. He quietly left home for a month to undergo vaginal constriction surgery, and within a few days of returning, he won his husband's heart back. I regarded this colleague's experience as a magic weapon to save my relationship with Li Fan, and asked her in detail about the issues related to this kind of surgery.

I didn’t want Li Fan to know about this. I had concerns. Firstly, I didn’t know what he would think, and secondly, he would definitely object, so I started to adjust my shifts without telling him and save time for work and vacation. Three months later, I told Li Fan that I wanted to go back to my hometown to visit, but I hadn’t gone back for several years. Li Fan had no suspicion at all and asked me if I wanted him to take time off to accompany me. I said no, so he took me to the street and bought a lot of things for my family.

${FDPageBreak}

I only stayed home for two days before going to a neighboring city and found I went to a big hospital there, but I didn't dare to go to those small, cheap hospitals. I was afraid that I would be self-defeating and not only fail to get things done, but also damage my body. Before the operation, I secretly prayed: "God in the dark, don't let anything happen. I love Li Fan and I can't lose him." The operation was successful, but the pain in my spine after the anesthesia made me almost faint. I gritted my teeth and endured.

I finally got through those days. When the stitches were removed, the doctor warned me several times that I would have to wait a month before I could have sex. I couldn't go home, so I could only stay for one or two days, wandering this unfamiliar street. I felt indescribably lonely in my heart. I miss that warm little home, and I miss Li Fan and my children. Finally, the unbearable loneliness and longing made me buy a ticket back to the city, opened the door of my home, and the warm breath that hit my face made me almost cry.

In the dead of night, I waited anxiously for Li Fan who was taking a bath. I didn’t know how to face that moment. I lay there with my eyes closed, listening to Li Fan getting on the bed quietly. He pulled the quilt for me, and then lay down quietly. Did he think I was asleep? Still... these thoughts make me sad, but he didn't want me, which made me feel relieved that I couldn't find a reason to reject him.

But I ran into trouble again the next day. I could push it through once, but what next? The next night, I couldn't help but shiver when Li Fan reached out to me. "Are you... okay?" he asked doubtfully. I shook my head, and Li Fan was stunned for a moment, and then said: "Is there something wrong between us? Is it my fault? Or you..." "No! No!" I shook my head desperately, crying uncontrollably. flowed down.

Li Fan wiped my tears and comforted me softly. I stopped my tears and told him my pain and worries. "I love you, but I have always felt inferior because I was married. After I gave birth to a child, my inferiority became even deeper. You seem to be very worried recently, and you don't talk much all day long, and at night...so I thought you didn't You love me, I don’t want to lose you, so I said I wanted to go back to my hometown, but in fact I went for that kind of surgery. Li Fan, forgive me, okay?” I said it in one breath, like someone who had done something wrong. The child is waiting for Li Fan's punishment.

"You! You are just thinking nonsense!" He hugged me lovingly, "You actually went for that kind of surgery! Does it hurt?" "As long as you don't blame me, it's okay if it hurts a little. "I said it sincerely. "I've done everything, I can't blame you anymore, but I feel sorry for you, you know?" Li Fan's voice was trembling a little, and he was very excited, "I didn't talk much in the past few days because of work matters, but you want to It's wrong." It turns out that this was the result of such a big misunderstanding because we didn't communicate enough.

The knot in my heart was untied, and I suddenly felt much more relaxed. My good mood made time not as slow and painful as it used to be. Because of the surgery, Li Fan didn't let me do anything like he did when I gave birth. His thoughtfulness made me feel like I was in confinement again. I prayed silently in my heart and imagined the day when I would bring out all the tenderness of a woman to make Li Fan happy.

It was a full-body spiritual union. After a slight pain, I hugged Li Fan tightly. I longed for him to take me to fly... Perfect and harmonious sex is not only the relationship between husband and wife. The adhesive is also the best motivation for women's self-confidence. I seemed to have been given a new life. My whole person had undergone tremendous changes from the inside out. I became more agile in doing things, and I no longer felt as uneasy and hesitant as before when I walked with Li Fan. Li Fan used a man's broad-mindedness and gentleness to lift the hoop of inferiority that had been living in my heart. With a husband like this, I think I will cherish this married life very well.

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