The leftover woman’s view on marriage and love: I am a leftover woman and I have the ability to be leftover!

From the boom of dating websites to interactive TV blind dates with hundreds of millions of viewers, I don’t know when the originally shy activity of dating has become more open and high-profile. However, the appearance of restlessness has not allowed more people to find suitable partners. On the contrary, it seems that it is getting harder and harder to find a partner. Recently, a netizen posted a post exposing his experience of several failed blind dates. He thought he was not very demanding, but the more he looked at the person he was dating, the more he disliked her. The post attracted a lot of criticism, thinking that the netizen did not understand how difficult it is to survive in society and had too many unrealistic fantasies about marriage and love. So, what is the concept of mate selection among the remaining older women in love? Are the requirements really too harsh, or are you not sufficiently prepared for marriage? The reporter discovered a sharp point of view during the investigation: I am left because I have the ability to stay.

A netizen caused controversy by sharing her blind date experience

Recently, a female netizen posted a post about her blind date experience. The poster calls herself a "leftover woman" born in the 1980s. "Although I don't go on many blind dates, I don't go on many blind dates. The most recent blind date failed again, and I started to struggle with my own views on mate selection. I will tell you and let everyone help me evaluate it." The woman said that she did not seek wealth or sex, but just wanted to find a like-minded and classy man to marry. In the post, she wrote about four experiences of dating each other: the first one was a civil servant, whom she thought liked to speak in an official manner; the second one was an executive who drove an Audi, and she thought the other person was calculating; the third one was dressed in such a way that She thinks that the other person likes to play nice; the fourth person is good in all aspects, but she thinks that he is not suitable for her.

After the post was posted, netizens discussed it. The vast majority of netizens criticized it and believed that the netizen was living in a dream and did not understand reality.

Netizen "ZMYY" said, "Either you don't want to get married at all, so you dislike everyone. Otherwise, you have never been in love and don't know what real love is."

Male netizen "The Stock Market is Hot" even believed that the poster was a very selfish woman who only had requirements for the other party but did not know how to find problems within herself.

However, some commentators expressed similar experiences and feelings, believing that marriage and love should be "preferably lacking rather than excessive".

Citizen Yao Hongmei said she felt the same way. Based on her own experience, she believed that the girl was really not ready, or that she had not made plans for her life. After graduating from Hainan University, Yao Hongmei studied for a graduate degree in the Mainland. She originally wanted to be a teacher in a school, but she kept thinking: should she work hard and find a partner and live a mediocre life, or should she work hard for a few more years and achieve academic success after completing her Ph.D. Small success? She had discussed this matter with her parents many times. I also didn’t pay attention during the blind date, so I went on a blind date more than a dozen times, but I still felt that the other person was not within my standards. Now 26 years old, she is no longer in a hurry.

Economy, appearance, health, none of them are missing

The reporter randomly conducted a survey among 30 unmarried young women aged 28-35 to understand what women want from their future spouses.

In the survey, the views of Chen Xiaoxin, a 28-year-old senior white-collar worker, are the most representative. She believes that her future husband should have the appearance of Daniel Wu and the eloquence of Cai Kangyong; he should be able to take care of small things like peeling apples and peeling shrimp shells to take care of her; he does not have to have muscles, but he must love sports; he must be knowledgeable, preferably Studying something deeply enough to give her a lasting sense of admiration. In addition, she believes that a good man should be a little "bad". She also bluntly said that she has not met such a man yet, so she is still single.

In a survey on women’s views on mate selection in 2011 by a dating website, women’s requirements for a spouse include finances, emotions, appearance, family, ability, intelligence, health, psychological status, personality, living habits, etc. Many other factors have led many men to say that "a pear is very big."

The reporter interviewed a psychology professor about this. Experts believe that in fact, these many demands of women are not too greedy. They are just praying for a more accurate positioning of their emotions when the pace of modern society is getting faster and faster. Belonging, so many requirements boil down to a few basic requirements for men. The first is a sense of responsibility. Whether it is a house or a car, it is a requirement for a sense of responsibility. These are a sign of stability; secondly, they can take care of girls. Asking to peel apples for girls means that they will take care of the heavy and tiring work themselves. Some girls even require men to know gynecological knowledge. These conditions can be summed up in one sentence: "can take care of others"; the third requirement is good health. The requirement for loving sports is not to like watching muscular men. In fact, in their hearts, what they value is health. Only in this way can two people truly "grow old together."

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The leftover woman’s view on marriage and love: I am a leftover woman and I have the ability to be leftover!

Half a century of changes in the concept of marriage and love

Making a spouse is an important historical event in a person’s life cycle. People living in different eras have formed different attitudes based on different values ​​and social beliefs. criteria for mate selection.

Grandma Liu, who is 70 years old this year, and her husband have been married together for nearly 50 years. Grandma Liu still remembers that she was really proud to be able to marry a soldier. Grandma Liu got married in 1953, which caused a sensation in the whole family because she married a soldier who had fought against the Japanese. Grandma Liu told reporters that in their era, soldiers were heroes and the loveliest people. Marrying a soldier, especially a decorated soldier, was an ideal for women back then. Even if the soldiers who come back from the battlefield are no longer in good health, these are not important. The glory and honor of the soldiers are enough to attract women. At that time, when matchmakers introduced each other, they would usually first introduce their party membership, and it was especially popular to use a progressive political outlook as a selling point.

After the reform and opening up, women placed intellectuals in a higher position when choosing a spouse, and the "diploma craze" among women began to heat up. Gao Hongli, who got married in 1979, still remembers that if her current husband hadn't been admitted to college, she might have missed out on this good marriage.

In the 1990s, when utilitarianism became increasingly popular, beautiful girls gained many opportunities to change their destiny in an increasingly tolerant society. The pragmatism trend in women's views on mate selection is becoming more and more intense. "Marrying well is worse than doing well" has become the consensus of some women. Women's views on love and mate selection have also begun to change.