Every couple will encounter 5 "firsts": the first family war, the first childbirth, the first major job change, the first health crisis, and the first divorce.

When you enter married life, you will encounter 5 first times. Play your cards right, get around the reef, and your bond will grow stronger.

Got married! From then on, there was a person in the world, and he had a closer relationship with himself than anyone else; from then on, the two of them had to face and adapt to the changes and challenges in life together. A thousand couples in the world have a thousand kinds of happiness or sadness, but every couple will encounter 5 "firsts": the first family war, the first childbirth, the first big job change, the first time... A health crisis, a first divorce. These 5 turning points may make you physically and mentally exhausted, or they may make you fall in love with him more and more.

So, how can we achieve the latter effect?

The first family war

Marriage makes couples become a family, but it makes you treat your partner less respectful or tolerant than others. With this mentality, when you When friction occurs, the situation becomes unbearable.

Two months after Yang Lu and Ma Li got married, they had their first serious conflict because of their mother-in-law's financial requirements. Ma Li's mother is a fashionable old lady who often asks her son to pay for her to travel abroad and buy clothes and jewelry. Yang Xia finally lost control: "Why are you so stupid? You can live with your mother for the rest of your life!"

Bypassing the reef: A survey shows that the key to whether couples can get along for a long time is See how they handle conflict. Arguments are unavoidable, so fights should be avoided as much as possible. Don't yell at the other person when you are angry. Make a truce first and calm down until you can talk in a calm tone. This will control the fight. The specific methods are as follows:

Listen carefully to the other party’s explanation, do not interrupt or interrupt, and do not try to defend your position;

Discuss the matter as it is, do not overturn the old sesame seeds and rotten millet; < /p>

Understand the other party to the greatest extent and sincerely work with the other party to find a solution to the conflict.

Harvest: Yang Lu said: "I consciously restrained myself from saying critical words such as 'I told you to do this'. I stepped forward to hug him, and then apologized to each other, as if returning It’s time to fall in love. ”

In married life, actively avoiding arguments is a way of hiding things. Ignoring the existence of problems can only lead to mutual resentment. Constructive arguments strengthen the relationship because it shows that you are a trusting couple who are not afraid to confide in each other. Once you pass this hurdle, your relationship will take a big step forward.

Giving birth to a baby for the first time

The pain of childbirth and the fatigue of raising a child are unimaginable for couples in love. Giving birth to a child means a huge psychological challenge for women.

“When I have children, I seem to be repeating the life of my grandma’s generation.” said 30-year-old Nan Nan, a new mother who has been married for four years. "Laundry, cooking, feeding, cleaning, changing diapers, I was completely overwhelmed by these trivial things. I was very jealous that my husband could leave the house and go to work. When he came home in the evening, I had accumulated bad emotions all day It will break out and cause a family war.”

Bypassing the reef: Nan Nan’s feeling is not abnormal. After becoming a mother, a working woman must devote considerable energy to her children. For a long time, children will replace work and entertainment as the top priority. But don't forget, the new father's world has also been completely changed. The most obvious point is that he has shouldered a heavy burden for the whole family. The psychological characteristic of men at this time is that they usually feel that they are excluded from taking care of their children, and thus have a sense of loss. Therefore, the best way is to take advantage of his loss and assign him to do what he can to make him feel the close bond between family members.

Raising children will cause excessive physical stress and fatigue for the couple, which will naturally affect sex. Generally speaking, in order to take good care of the baby, new mothers will sleep in the same bed with their children and live separately from their husbands. Most new dads are deeply shaken by the sight of their beloved sex partner being completely transformed into a feeding tool. Usually, couples can resume normal sexual life after 6 weeks; after 6 months, a woman's body and sexual desire return to the state before pregnancy and childbirth. It takes a while for a woman's body to recover after giving birth, and her body is very sensitive at this time. If your wife doesn't want to have sex, you can replace it with touching and kissing and still maintain intimacy.

Harvest; by raising children, you have learned how to combine the roles of parents and partners, and your marriage has entered a new stage. "The child makes our relationship deeper, because he is the first and most serious thing we have done together." Nannan's husband said. Nan Nan added: "We have learned to help each other in order to handle housework efficiently and enjoy our life as two people."

The first big job change

No matter who of the couple has a job change, whether it is promotion, demotion, dismissal, or being sent to an out-of-town branch, it will cause fluctuations in the family . At this time, the relationship between husband and wife is put on the back burner and work takes priority. A job change not only means a change in financial status, but also changes in status, power, self-esteem, and the other person's perception of themselves in the relationship.

Judy and Liang Bo had been married for four years and had a stable job and a good income. However, when Liang Bo was 30 years old, he decided to change his career to law. He spent three months looking for a job. "During the job search, not only did our income drop significantly, but I also had to stay at home and occupy my wife's home office," Liang Bo said. Liang Bo's wife Judy is a freelancer and is not used to her husband staying at home every day. She must concentrate on her work without being disturbed. And in order not to affect Liang Bo's mood, Judy had to be careful when speaking, for fear of hurting her husband's self-confidence. For this reason, she also felt very depressed.

Bypassing the reef: The first step is of course to redo the family budget and redistribute housework, but the most important thing is to re-understand and adjust the roles played by both parties in the marriage.

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During this difficult period, the most serious problem is the pressure between husband and wife. To ease the tension, having an intimate conversation with your husband is key to solving the problem.

Harvest: Work and money are directly connected to one’s sense of security and self-worth. Because the first major job change in a marriage will inevitably cause these problems, solving these problems can promote a stronger sense of responsibility and collaboration between the couple. As Zhu Da said: "I know that many family conflicts are caused by money, but we have tried our best to overcome the confusion caused by money." Her positive and tolerant attitude has reduced a lot of pressure on her husband. Once you have solved the problem of job changes, you will be glad that you have a supportive partner. With him, no matter how difficult life becomes, you will not face it alone.

The first health crisis

When any member of the family gets sick, life will immediately change dramatically - the disease not only changes the order of life, but also gives everyone an opportunity Come to observe and test how the other person cares for the patient, and at the same time observe how you face the fear of disease, death, and the fragility of life.

26-year-old Xie Lan had a major surgery just after her wedding anniversary. Before the surgery, Xielan saw fear on her husband's face. "In the weeks before the operation, he became quite depressed." Xie Lan said: "He did not talk to me about anything about the operation at all." Fortunately, the operation was very successful and the possibility of cancer was ruled out, but life It gets very confusing. Xie Lan was bedridden for two months and was unable to work or even do housework for the next six months. To make matters worse, she and her husband were filled with anxious, sensitive, and lonely emotions, and resolving these emotions seemed more difficult than treating the disease.

Getting around the reef: When a health crisis strikes, everyone has their own way of dealing with it. The patient may be worried about money or losing his or her job, while the other person may be worried about losing their partner and facing life alone. Therefore, you should express your own feelings and deal with this fear of "possible loss" together.

However, most women hate being told that they are weak. When you are sick, you actually need care the most, but you don't want to say it out for fear of showing your weakness and being considered worthless by others. This is not necessary, but ask your husband for help - even if you are a fairly independent person.

If you are healthy, ask your husband what he would like you to do for him. Remember: even being by his side can have a great comforting effect.

Xie Lan’s husband took leave to take care of her at home, and the gap between them was quickly bridged. While she was recovering from illness, she was very weak and stopped having sex completely, but her husband's meticulous care deepened their physical intimacy.

Harvest: "When my husband confessed to me that what he was afraid of was my surgery, I realized how much he loved me." Xie Lan said: "He took good care of me and even took me Going to the bathroom and giving me a shower. He was the only person I felt comfortable doing these things for me."

Facing divorce for the first time

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