The SEX UALITY seminar hosted by the Institute of Sexual Sociology of Renmin University of China was held in Beijing. More than 50 well-known sex experts from all over the country, including Pan Suiming, Wang Jinling, Chen Xinxin, and Wang Yuru, discussed gender, AIDS prevention, family and Topics such as marriage have led to extremely fierce academic battles. In terms of sexual life, the topic of 70% of modern urban women becoming proactive became the focus of debate at the 17th meeting.

Be Stable and Safe

A few days ago, a month-long online survey involving 10,857 women aged 18 to 45, focusing on women’s private emotions and lives, attracted people’s attention. of general concern. In interviews and surveys, reporters found that more than 88% of women still look forward to a mature and stable marriage or sexual relationship, and actively choose men who have a "security".

"If I want to get married, I will definitely choose him. Because with him, I feel a sense of security, and I also need this kind of stability." One afternoon in the golden autumn, on the North Fourth Ring Road in Beijing In a Hunan restaurant among the nearby high-rise buildings, Ms. Cheng, who graduated with a master's degree from Northwest University and is now an editor at the "Chinese College Student" magazine, sat elegantly in front of the reporter and casually chatted about the story of how she and he were about to get married.

It turns out that in college, she spent three years of romantic and romantic time with him. Although they are similar in age, she is one year ahead of him. Last spring, when she came to Beijing to look for a job before she graduated, it happened to coincide with the launch of the "Beijing Times". With her beautiful articles and a high degree of education, it was natural for her to Worked as a reporter there. Due to the incompatibility with the new environment and the heavy pressure of the interview work, she worked very hard, but was not satisfied. When she told him these troubles and pains through long-distance phone calls, he seemed even more nervous than she herself. Although he was far away, she was often moved by his attentive care. Therefore, she often looked forward to the day when he would graduate and come to Beijing and be able to share her worries. So when she came to work at "Chinese College Students" magazine and settled down, she gave up the only quota that the magazine had secured for her to go to Beijing to her beloved who had just graduated this year.

Teacher Zhang Jing from the Social Work Department of China Women's University said: "No girl is willing to take marriage as a joke. Everyone wants to get married for love, and loving someone is because the other person gives you It feels very good.”

To feel like you need space

“Although compared with other people, he has just joined the workforce and has neither a house nor a car, and his work experience and income are even lower than mine. In fact, I don’t I don't care, I feel that I am fully capable of living a good life. I just care about how he makes me feel." In Ms. Cheng's frank words, it is not difficult to find that she puts her personal feelings first. This is completely different from the traditional way that women choose mates based solely on social approval, and in the early days of reform and opening up, which mostly used quantitative and material standards to measure opposite-sex partners. In the survey, more than 88% of women like her advocate "feeling first".

Miss Li Lin, who works at Xiaoxiang Film Studio, also takes "feeling first" to its extreme. She told reporters on the phone that she had just experienced another painful experience: she had made up her mind to break up with the man she had been with for two years, who owned a house, a car and a very good character. The man couldn't figure it out because he was very good to her, always took good care of her, and cared about her very carefully, but she, who was also very good to him, couldn't give her a reason to break up. Miss Li Lin said: "Every time he comes to see me, many of the things he brings that belong to men suddenly occupy the space that should belong to him. I can't tell what it feels like. I just want to Let’s go back to the peaceful single days.”

Be proactive and respectful

When it comes to sexual life, as many as 70% of women think that during sex, When you don't feel well, take the initiative to communicate with your partner immediately and politely decline. This shows that modern women have become more proactive in marriage and emotional life. What they pursue is equality and respect.

“If a woman is more proactive, her husband can be excited quickly.” Meizi, a female poet with a professional background and her own company, made no secret of her views. She believes that it is really not easy for a man to work hard outside during the day to earn money to support his family. When he comes home at night, he doesn't want to better enjoy his wife's tenderness. Meizi also told reporters that she and her husband both work outside to make money. When her husband takes the initiative to make demands but she feels inadequate, she always turns a blind eye to him, but she can easily get understanding. A man's consideration is his respect for women.

Xiao Zhang, a girl who just came to Beijing from Liaoning, met Jian, who had been working for two years, at a job fair. Within two months, they both fell in love. Xiao Zhang, who is lively and active by nature, likes the feeling of hugging Jian, so she often takes the initiative to hug Jian. Once, when Jian tried to "cross the pond", what caught him off guard was that she insisted on "fighting to the end" - wrestling with him until he completely let her go. Xiao Zhang said that the forced method feels like being raped. As a girl, love needs more respect.

Enjoy and be happy

Women’s proactive pursuit of self-satisfaction also gives men a taste of the “sweetness”.

Chen Xinxin, associate researcher at the Women's Research Institute of the All-China Women's Federation and director of Chinese Sexology, believes that women who dare to take the initiative to practice sexual enjoyment also enable men to obtain sexual pleasure, and both parties can achieve harmonious resonance and eroticism. The state of confusion. After tasting the sweetness, the man realized that not only did the woman's initiative not threaten his right to sexual pleasure, but he himself was the biggest beneficiary.

Teacher Zhang Jing from the Social Work Department of China Women's University said in an interview with reporters: "From the perspective of sexual existence, the lives of both sexes are based on human nature. Only when both parties fully communicate, exchange and Respect can lead to a higher state.”

“Pursuing sexual diversity is not only a right for men, but women should also change from a passive, accepting and single-purpose concept of sexual life. Chen Xinxin analyzed that 88% of modern urban women expect mature and stable marriage or sexual relations, which actually reveals that women’s self-reliance and self-confidence are still lacking, because most women subconsciously I still believe that the sense of dependence brought about by marriage is much more stable than independence; and more than 70% of modern urban women are proactive in their sexual lives, which is also an expression of women's human rights awareness and self-awareness.

The awakening of female subjectivity

“Another evidence of the awakening of women’s subjectivity in sexual life is that men are also sexually harassed in modern metropolises.” from Shanghai University of Finance and Economics Jiang Yunfei, a teacher from the School of Humanities, said that since the 1990s, the feminist trend of thought has been extremely permeable to my country's traditional male culture in which women are absent. The development of society has provided a relatively free career space for women to exert their energy. Women The chances of success are also increasing. Subtly, women are gradually recognized by society, and they also begin to seek various ways to continuously satisfy their desires.

Professor Zhao Tielin, director of the Film and Television Studio of the Contemporary China Research Center at Tsinghua University, told reporters that the emergence of this image of modern urban women is essentially a kind of gynocentrism. The country's call for equality between men and women, the enhancement of women's self-confidence, the media's hype on women's images, and the improvement of women's economic and social status are the fundamental reasons for this result.

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