Love mostly begins with a new understanding of the opposite sex in adolescence. At the age of 20, we are full of expectations for love but we are also the most vulnerable to injury. At the age of 30, we already know how to maintain the impulse of true love, while at the age of 40, women know how to cherish the affection of each other. But no matter what stage you are in, a smart woman will always use her brain first to avoid unnecessary harm to herself before getting emotional.

20-year-old is emotionless

Duoduo: Shengda Group strategic planning manager and graphic model

Twenty-year-old is the most emotional age ?

In the eyes of 20-year-olds, the man we fall in love with is everything in life, and all happiness and sadness are related to him. Girls who are full of expectations and faith in relationships are brave and hurt. After trying many times, they realize that men are the most fickle. It is unrealistic to place your happiness on an "other" that you cannot control.

If your feelings are hurt, will you become incompetent in love?

A woman’s loss of the ability to love is more terrifying than the loss of her sexual ability. No matter how much hurt or unknown, she should fully release her feelings when she is young. Many girls will despair when their first love fails, thinking that they can’t move. Emotions are rational, and that kind of rationality is terrible and will make you no longer lovable. In fact, this is a stage in a woman's emotional life - a stage of falling and getting up, just like me. Kronberg once had three warnings: 1. Don’t punish yourself with your own mistakes; 2. Don’t punish others with your own mistakes; 3. Don’t punish yourself with other people’s mistakes.

Nowadays, girls in their 20s seem to tell stories about their emotional experiences. My story is full of tragedy, starting from my first love at the age of 18...

When I met Jiang, I was selling souvenirs in the Terracotta Warriors and Horses Museum in Xi'an. He was a Hong Kong businessman who made chocolates. Brand, I had just stepped out of school at that time, I knew almost nothing, and I had no concept of love. When he pursued me, he would often conjure up various flavors of chocolate. In my eyes, this was romance, because of my simplicity, our love. The relationship is simple and happy, and he never talks to me about any work-related matters.

Later, I won the second prize as a model in a national hair style competition. He was in Guangzhou on the day I won the award. After the competition, I called him very excitedly and wanted to surprise him. His brother answered the call. Yes, he choked for a long time and said something happened to him. Because the business failed, he committed suicide by jumping into the Pearl River the night before. That was the first time I experienced the fragility of life and emotions. During that time, I was like crazy. I couldn't believe that a person would disappear forever. I was so scared. .

My first love taught me to cherish and give everything to a man. With this belief, I had a peaceful relationship with a boy in the company, met each other's parents, and finally got to the point of talking about marriage. Not long before my marriage, I came to Beijing alone to attend a friend's wedding. My friends persuaded me to stay in Beijing and develop my career, but I thought my love was in Xi'an and I must go back. But after I went back, I didn’t expect that my boyfriend had a relationship with my best girlfriend. Although both of them insisted that it was drunken sex, I completely collapsed. It was not only feelings, but also beliefs. Collapse, I never dreamed that such a dramatic thing would happen to me, I chose to leave, leave that city, and leave those two people.

When I came to Beijing from Xi'an, I lost almost everything, including relationships, friends, and career. It was then that I knew that the only person I could rely on in the world was myself. I stopped crying because cheap tears are worthless. , only reason and calmness can help me get out of the haze.

When I first arrived in Beijing, I had nothing. In a strange city, I proved my existence and abilities bit by bit. From a clerk to an assistant to the general manager to a project manager, I could finally take a breath. , but found that he was unable to save his own feelings and became farther and farther away from love. Sad stories can be forgotten over time, but other people’s stories will keep popping up. It is too common for men to cheat. They can no longer be loyal to love. I don’t believe in men, nor do I believe in feelings. I only believe in feelings now. . Being emotionless is forced. It is just another kind of seriousness and fascination for women towards feelings.

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Don’t believe in game emotions when you are 30 years old

Huang Wen: Freelance writer and model, author of The book "Butterflies Can't Fly"

What is the risk of falling in love at the age of 30?

Risk is always proportional to return. This is a theorem of economics. 30-year-old women have often made great achievements in interpersonal studies and economics in sociology, and have their own judgment ability. Risk refers to how much time, energy, and hope you invest when you are emotional. Just like gambling, you always feel that you have to gain something. When you weigh the comings and goings, you may miss the true love. That is the biggest risk.

Can you avoid getting hurt by treating feelings as a game?

A 30-year-old woman has already learned the rules of the game from a man and has the capital to play the game. When she is 20 years old, what she needs to learn is how to attract a man. When she is 30 years old, what she needs to learn is probably how to get rid of him. You are a man, just like the women in "Sex and the City", but in fact, as long as you are a woman, no matter how chic you are, you will still feel pain. What women really need to learn is not to avoid being emotional but how to continue to maintain the impulse of true love.

Women in their thirties who have been in love a lot will have a dilemma. If they are emotionally moved, they will cry out in pain, but if they are not emotional, they will lose the meaning of being a woman.

I think that when I reach a mature age, I should be able to face emotional confusion with ease. It is no longer like when I was a little girl, who could not help myself when I was obsessed with a man. With determination and self-control, I started my journey.

Emotional experience: A self-guided trip to a remote border town in Yunnan. Everything went as I wished. I met a beautiful boy in Chuncheng, who was individual, young and straightforward. After a few days of romance, The boy was reluctant to leave me, but I still packed my bags according to the travel plan, and left Chuncheng alone for Dali. Along the way, I was in a very happy mood. I felt that I had finally managed to move in and out of my emotions, and I felt quite proud.

When I arrived in Dali, I happened to meet a man I had an affair with many years ago. At that time, I did not develop a relationship with him. Now that I see him again, my mood has changed greatly. With my mature psychology and charming charm, I thought it would be no problem to grasp him. Everything went well, he was very happy about my approach, and he was a little ecstatic. After a night of passionate lovemaking, he couldn't wait to ask me to agree to be his girlfriend. I laughed but didn't answer, thinking this was really cool.

But in the last few days when I left the small town, just when I was expecting to have a perfect romantic climax with him, he backed down. His sudden attitude towards me was cold and evasive, which made me confused and at a loss.

On the last night, I finally couldn't help but ask him why he was suddenly cold to me, especially when I was about to leave. He hesitated and answered that he wanted a girlfriend, not this ambiguous relationship. In addition, he also emphasized that this kind of relationship has gone through a lot over the years and now feels tired. I suddenly realized that my so-called "freedom and ease" had actually hurt a man's self-esteem.

I still left the small town, leaving with his confused and confused eyes and my depressed and unhappy mood.

This is an emotional game of control and counter-control, and the result is a lose-lose situation. Love is an unexpected thing. Whether you are prepared or unprepared, it will always find an air strike, waiting for an opportunity to appear and catch you by surprise.

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40-year-old is emotionless and passionate about career

Liao Xinhui: General Manager of Jincai Xinda Advertising Company

At the age of 40, are you no longer passionate or do you no longer need a man?

Career will indeed give women the greatest sense of security. Even houses, cars, and children will give women more sense of security than men, but it does not mean that having these does not mean that men are not needed. On the contrary, when you are in your twenties, In the developmental period of adolescence or thirties, when there is no such thing, men should be the least important, because the sense of security comes from themselves. With the material fortress, what is missing most is the man who shares happiness and joy with you. Therefore, 40-year-old women cherish the mutual affection even more. ”

After going through marriage, how do you look at men differently?

The older you get, the more picky you will be about men, especially women who have gone through marriage. There are perfect men. But because of these experiences, we should face men calmly. That is the most wonderful side of women. Some women who are disappointed with men find it difficult to open their hearts again. Their standards for men have never been lowered, and they have never lowered their standards for themselves. The expectations of women continue to increase. If this continues, they will become emotional defenders. They should be viewed from a mainstream perspective, appreciated and tolerated. Then women themselves will become relaxed and happy.

Written in pen on the title page of my notebook:

Be honest, sincere, quiet, introspective, and independent

Wisdom, self-reliance, humor, warmth, and understanding

Emotional experience: previous line It is a family motto left by Zeng Guofan. The last line is what I want from myself as a woman. Some of a person's positioning of himself is subconscious, and some are psychological suggestions. Just like me, it is difficult for me to be a person born for love. That kind of woman. But I believe that women who are born for love are happy. I also believe that true feelings exist in the world. I sincerely believe that everyone’s personality is different, and the medium of emotion and the way to move feelings are different. It’s just different.

To sum up, I am the kind of person who strives to realize myself. I will set a goal for myself at each stage and then think about what I want to do next in college. After graduation, I worked in a state-owned enterprise for two years, and then my husband and I started a decoration company in my hometown in Anhui. I worked successfully for nearly ten years. In 1999, I returned to Beijing to study for an EMBA at Peking University. This stage had a great impact on me later. The comfortable life in Anhui and the new challenges in Beijing were before me. Due to my personality, I decided to make a choice.

Such a choice is certainly not difficult for young people. But I was already 30 years old, with parents, a husband, a daughter, a real estate company, and almost everything in the previous thirty years. Stepping out meant giving up everything, reality and reason, feelings and family ties, and of course my husband had a showdown overnight. He didn't want me to leave Anhui, and he didn't understand my choice. It was he who proposed the breakup. Frankly speaking, although we have some personality differences, our relationship has been very good over the years and we are a happy couple in the eyes of others. Yes, such a result is very cruel. I didn't want to use such a cruel way to achieve my pursuit, but rationally there is no other way to choose between career and relationship.

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