If you want a happy and long-lasting marriage, it is not just about management, but a harmonious sex life is also an important component. In order to maintain a happy marriage, there are six mentalities that can be said to be stumbling blocks to a harmonious sex life. What are the six states of mind? Let’s take a look at the six major “stumbling blocks” that are detrimental to married life.

1. Selfish

After ten years of marriage, Mr. C and Ms. D lost interest in sex. Through psychological counseling, it was discovered that the problem was a lack of mutual praise and support. During the consultation, Mr. C complained that Ms. D took everything he did for granted, and Ms. D admitted this. But he also never complimented her or paid attention to her, she said.

A man not getting compliments is just as terrible as a woman not getting compliments, both leaving them emotionally deficient. After the consultation, Mr. C and Ms. D realized the importance of mutual praise and enthusiasm.

2. Frustration

Mr. A and Ms. B have only been married for five years, but half a year ago, Ms. B was no longer interested in having sex. Mr. A was in a bad mood due to rejection. They often had quarrels over this. The reason was mainly due to Ms. B's depression. Six months ago, Ms. B's mother passed away. She was very sad and depressed. Mr. A did not understand that his wife's depression would last for six months and she would lose interest in sex.

In fact, everyone will become depressed when they encounter emotional injuries, financial problems, work setbacks, or are under extreme pressure. With the help of a psychiatrist, Mr. A realized that he should be more understanding of his wife, and Ms. B also felt that she should get rid of her depression through treatment and work on improving their relationship.

After hard work, Mr. A and Ms. B gradually returned to normal.

3. Sexual taboos

Mr. E and Ms. F have been married for four years, and Mr. E's impotence has become increasingly serious. Mr. E is in a painful situation due to sexual taboos. He feels that "good girls" should not have anything to do with sex. Because he thinks his wife is a "good girl," he always feels nervous and blames himself when having sex with his wife, and eventually becomes unwilling to have sex with her.

The psychiatrist told Mr. E to try to adopt a more open attitude towards sex and talk frankly about this issue with Ms. E. And don’t always think about it when you are unable to engage in sexual activities. Learn relaxation training to improve the anxiety and tension at this time. Finally, Mr. E overcame this problem and had a normal and happy sex life with his wife.

4. Sex myths

Although sexual myths and sexual taboos are two extremes, they can also damage people's sexual relationships. Mr. G and his wife are an example. Mr. G has some bachelor friends who often brag about their sexual adventures. Mr. G also saw performances introducing sexual skills in some TV videos. He gradually felt that he was missing something, thinking that his relationship with his wife was not as wonderful as other people's.

In fact, this kind of sexual competition is contrary to nature and out of touch with reality. Mr. G and his wife finally understood that they had been deceived by exaggerated sexual myths.

5. Disharmony

Mr. M and Ms. P have a daughter who is in junior high school. The couple's sex life is deteriorating. Through psychological consultation, they found that there is always disharmony between them. They have completely different views on raising children. Mr. M is liberal and tolerant towards his children, while Ms. P is very strict. As her daughter grows up, this problem becomes more and more obvious. Ms. P even thought that Mr. M was too focused on his daughter and had forgotten the existence of his wife. They often quarreled openly, which put their sexual relationship under strain and almost came to a standstill.

6. Lack of adaptability

Marriage is a year-long series of relationships: getting married, having children, having children and starting a family, and then retiring... Psychologists believe that a couple must adjust each time they move from one stage of life to another. marital relationship, and during periods of change, sex life may cease for a period of time.

After Mr. K and Ms. L had been married for several years and had a child who was about to enter school, they began to feel that they could no longer adapt to each other, and their sex life came to a halt. Through counseling, they realized that the problem was their inability to adapt to their new relationship with a child. Not only are they now a couple, they're also parents, which means they play both roles at the same time, and they have to adjust their mindsets to get along harmoniously. As they adjust, sexual relations return to normal and become pleasurable for them again.

The psychology of relationship breakdown is divided into four stages

dispute. After the couple enters the bridal chamber hand in hand, after a heated period, they enter the conflict period. If the conflict is not resolved in time, it will turn into a dispute and become an entangled dispute. Generally speaking, disputes among parties with low cultural levels and those with choleric or sanguine tempers often manifest themselves in leaks, such as quarrels, fights, and destruction of things. It can be resolved through mediation, but then it recurs and civil war continues. People with high cultural level, phlegmatic temperament, and melancholic temperament often manifest themselves in internal depression, and they appear to be calm and quarrelsome on the outside, but they are indifferent to each other and have gaps in their hearts, so mediation is not easy to be effective.

alert. As disputes accumulate, couples become wary of each other due to estrangement, commonly known as "strange bedfellows". In the form of vigilance, those with a fetishistic attitude tend to hide each other's property, income and expenditure, while those with an externalistic attitude hide their interactions with the opposite sex from each other. In order to prevent the other party from seizing the clue and learning the truth, both parties are on guard in terms of economic and social relations, and even personal career issues, future issues, etc. are also tight-lipped, and they are guarding each other like a burglar.

crack. Secrets will be revealed one day. If the secret disclosure causes more serious disputes, the alert will be heightened; as a result, a vicious circle will be formed, and cracks will finally appear. Cracks manifest themselves in strong emotional dissatisfaction and in behavioral divergence. At this time, most of the people with living conditions live separately; those without living conditions, even if they live together, do so back-to-back.

rupture. The cracks are getting bigger and bigger and cannot be bridged, and the relationship is completely broken. There are generally three decision-making patterns for couples whose relationship breaks down: first, they part ways and go through legal procedures for divorce; second, considering various reasons, it is inconvenient to divorce, so they have to make do with life, enduring frustrations and burdens, and the relationship between husband and wife exists in name only; third, the relationship breaks down and is irreversible. Just to torture the other party, refuse to divorce, "hold him (her) back and prevent him (her) from being happy." This kind of drag is stupid and immoral, and it harms both others and ourselves.

What is formed inside is carried out outside. There are four stages of emotional breakdown. The first two are formed internally and are "causes" and generally belong to the category of inner activities; the latter two are performed externally and are "results" and generally belong to the category of actions. Therefore, in order to prevent emotional breakdown, adjustments should be made when conflicts between husband and wife occur and conflicts should be resolved in the bud.