Some couples plan a time for sex in advance. When will they have sex? When can I do something every day and when can I not do it? So should sex be casual or set a schedule? Will this lose all passion and become a routine?

It is true that married life should not be rigidly arranged in advance, but should be based on passion. However, specific issues must also be analyzed in detail. There may also be some contradictions in being completely "easy" with things. Just like the market economy and the planned economy, a completely planned economy will not work, and a completely liberalized market economy will not work. Even capitalist countries still have state-owned economies to ensure the smooth operation of the entire economy. For example, this government may privatize certain departments, and the next government may nationalize them.

Some couples are accustomed to the division of roles within marriage and everything is in order. In fact, this is not good. It cannot be completely disordered but it cannot be too excessive. What is important is mutual understanding and respect between both parties. Some husbands believe that sex is decided by men. As long as they are happy, they do not consider the other person's mood and physical condition at all, and are even very disgusted with their wives' active needs. Some husbands also say that he should be responsible for his wife's sexual needs, "No matter when and where she asks, I will satisfy her and never refuse her." In fact, this is a wrong view in itself, just like sexual activities. It should always be initiated by the wife. The choice of time to have sex is also a key factor in determining whether sexual activity is popular with women. Therefore, before a husband expects his wife to respond to his sexual requirements, he should first consider whether his wife is having a pleasant day. If something does not go well, it is best to stop and come back another day. When the wife becomes ill, it will bring a more severe test to the husband. Should he show strong impulse as always, or should he be more considerate of his wife's physical condition and provide more tenderness, consideration and love? This requires the husband to temporarily give up his self-esteem, be humble, and be more sensitive and considerate.

Some men turn sexual intercourse into a rule and system, predetermining the days on which they will have sex each week, or not wanting to miss good days such as Saturdays and Augusts, without any regard for the woman's sexual desire or physical condition at that time. This kills the wife's sexual desire and motivation. Obviously, just as there is no one superior intercourse technique that can be used over and over again without any changes, there is no rigid time for intercourse that is welcomed by lovers. By the way, although the place where you have sex is not an important factor in sexual success, and we have no choice, it is always beneficial to a place that is undisturbed, quiet, safe, and regularly updated.

Some men are willing to take the time in the morning to relive their mandarin duck dreams, especially when a man's sexual ability has declined and he can only respond in the early morning. However, the wife has to arrange breakfast for the whole family, get the children up and go to school and other household chores. She also has to dress up and put on makeup to go to work. She feels pressured and cannot relax and invest. Of course, she has no time to enjoy sexual fun during this time.

All these are the result of being overly restricted and constrained by the division of roles, instead of trying to exert their own subjective initiative, frank communication and mutual adaptation, and not realizing that there are natural rhythm changes in the marriage system and working hard. Adapt to this natural change. This shows that there is indeed a problem of "who follows whom" in sexual life.

Some couples have never agreed on sexual needs. Either you want me not to want it, or I want you not to want it. Although it is not necessary for both parties to reach complete agreement on humor, sadness, values, etc., they cannot be completely inconsistent. There must always be some kind of communication, compromise and agreement, and sexual issues are no exception. Husband and wife can both be sad and happy about the same thing and react in the same way and intensity, or they can have out-of-tune emotional reactions of different levels and ways, but they can't be too out-of-tune and completely out of balance. Wives may feel that they are in a tragically lonely state in their marriage, completely subservient to the interests of their children, passively submissive in sexual relations, and their emotional reactions are not resonated by their husbands; husbands always feel that their wives are I am not considerate enough, and I am indifferent to things within marriage, but I am energetic in activities that have nothing to do with marriage. This creates a situation where the wife is crying alone at home while the husband is complaining outside. It is very natural for couples to have different ideas, preferences and pursuits in their sexual life, but they should discuss their different ideas together. If they cannot reach an agreement, they can consult a doctor or expert.

Sexual life should have a certain rhythm, but it is not constant and changes with the mood of each party, the strength of sexual desire, physical condition, environmental conditions and other factors. Marriage itself is like a stabilizer or thermostat. When two parties quarrel, one party can help the other party cool down and reduce stress so that they can return to the situation before the quarrel as soon as possible; one party can also lead the other party to provide emotional support when the other party needs it. The other party heats up and pressurizes. The same is true for sex life, there should be an adjustment mechanism to achieve a proper balance between the needs and satisfaction of both parties. This regulatory mechanism can be called cybernetics, including the maintenance and feedback of the regulatory system, heating or cooling, acceleration or deceleration of the reaction system, etc. Sex and intimacy themselves require regulation, and they often serve as some kind of regulator in the marriage system. For example, when two parties quarrel, life often makes each other's anger disappear; and when one party is in a low mood, sex and intimacy often make it feel comforted and safe, and can better face difficulties and challenges. Generally speaking, when a husband is young, he needs his wife to cool down his overheated sexual response from time to time; while when a wife is young, she needs her husband to help her heat up, and she needs her husband to be sensitive to her needs and be able to feel her "sexual pulse" . The workload of the adjustment mechanism is limited. If the "regulator" is turned on or off too quickly and too frequently, the "machine" may be burned out and the adjustment may fail, ultimately leading to instability in the marriage. In short, this adjustment function has a certain range, and overload operation or abnormal operation is not advisable. In a happy marriage, this adjustment mechanism is often automatic and does not require deliberate attention.