Non-mainstream seems to be increasingly affecting the behavioral habits of the post-80s generation, and more and more post-80s generation have become popular about "sleeping in separate beds". However, in the face of such a pragmatic love, we have to ask, when marriage faces living in separate beds, how far can love go?

1. The diversification of love among "people who live in separate beds"

Status 1: This is a way to understand and consider each other

Characters: Lu Ting vs Zhao Yikai

Age: 28 years old vs 30 years old

Marriage date: November 2008

Lu Ting works in a foreign company, and her work looks like You may look glamorous, but only you know the high-intensity work pressure you face every day. After the financial crisis, the company laid off half of its employees at once, and the workload was so high that they didn’t dare to complain. At the end of last year, at the urging of both families, she married her boyfriend of eight years, Zhao Yikai.

Lu Ting said: I feel that everything is passive, from work to marriage. In fact, Zhao Yikai and I have never thought about getting married. Although the house with a joint mortgage has been bought, it feels like it is not the right time yet. This year I am 28 and he is 30. If our parents were not impatient, we might still be like this. There were 3 days of wedding leave and 7 days of delayed marriage, a total of 10 days of vacation, but it was not easy at all. I call my friends in the company every day because I am afraid that someone will take my position.

Maybe in your opinion, I did this a bit too much on my honeymoon, but Yikai understands me very well because he faces similar situations to me. In fact, people nowadays live realistically, who cares about those empty things. If you lose your job because of this wedding, it will be more than worth the loss.

It can be said that Lu Ting’s attitude largely represents the emotional status quo of the post-80s generation. Love without bread cannot be called love, or in other words, it is incomplete love. On this basis, "separate bed people" has become a matter of course.

Lu Ting said: When I heard this word for the first time, I thought it was quite appropriate. It's not a family separation, a divorce, a relationship disagreement, or sleeping in separate beds. We are all busy and our working hours often vary. Sometimes I come back very late after working overtime and he has already fallen asleep. I have to get up early to go to work tomorrow. No matter how quietly I go to bed, I will wake him up.

What’s so good about this? Or, if he has work to catch up on at home, there is no need for me to accompany him. We are both husband and wife, so there is no need to show this kind of thing to anyone. Who said couples should sleep in the same bed? The most important thing is to find a life style that suits you. In my opinion, this is a way to understand and consider each other.

Status 2: This is a game that you will get tired of one day

Characters: Qin Ziqin vs Feng Cheng

Age: 29 vs 31 years old

Marriage date: October 2002

Qin Ziqin is a freelancer. Search specialty shops all over the city, take photos, write descriptions, and then distribute them to various magazines and newspapers to earn royalties. Qin Ziqin has never sought wealth, only self-sufficiency and a free and independent life. She got married at the age of 22, the year she just graduated from college. Her husband Feng Cheng is a civil servant and has maintained financial independence since their marriage.

Qin Ziqin said: They say I don’t look like someone who married so early. In fact, I like a free life, but this does not conflict with getting married. Feng Cheng was very kind to me. Before getting married, he promised me that he would respect my choices throughout his life and be financially independent.

In fact, this is much better than the amount of property he promised to share with me after the divorce. Because this will allow me to always retain my independence in this marriage, so that I will not become a lazy woman who loses her personality, loses her ambition, loses her goals, and loses her attitude because of marriage.

In fact, from the conversation with Qin Ziqin, it is difficult for us to tell that she is a woman in her late 30s. Her clear thinking about marriage and her precise attitude towards life allow her to enjoy the wonderful sweetness of marriage while avoiding the stress that marriage has on women. She always tries to keep herself fresh and feeling upbeat. The same is true for love, so the "separate bed clan" came into being in her marriage.

Qin Ziqin said: Don’t laugh, I see it as a means to improve our love life. About two years ago, I discovered that my life with Feng Cheng no longer had the same passion as before. Except for some specific days when he is busy, he always works from nine to five.

Except for going out to take photos, I almost stay at home. Life has lost its freshness, I said, how about we fall in love again. One person, one bed, pretend you don't know me. It was played as a joke at first, but later I realized that it felt like a family version of "a little separation is better than a newlywed". I think I'll get tired of this game one day, and then I'll think of something new.

Status 3: There is no other way

Character: Fang Leyi vs Qi Cheng

Age: 25 years old vs 27 years old

Marriage date: January 2009

Fang Leyi is a clerk in a telecommunications company. After being married for half a year, she and Qi Cheng only dated for a year. Love was as fresh as marriage. Fang Leyi is a standard little woman. Not long ago, she just signed up for a gourmet cooking class. She had never cooked before and wanted to develop good cooking skills.

Fang Leyi said: I never thought that I would really get married like this. Da Qi said, just get married. Things will become more and more expensive in the future. The longer you delay, the more money you will spend on your wedding. Those are all ours, don’t you feel bad? When I thought about it, he was right, so I got married. In fact, I also had a little regret. My former classmates all said: It’s too urgent to do it without even comparing it, and it’s not like I can’t get married.

But Da Qi said, what if there is no one who loves you more than me? Don’t you regret missing me? When he said this, I felt that he was quite right. In fact, he is really good to me. Marrying him would be a second prize, if not a first prize.

Fang Leyi is a woman who is relatively vague about herself, love, and marriage. She only has a general direction in life. Her undemanding personality makes it easy for her to find simple, optimistic happiness. She also has her own way of solving problems when her marriage goes astray. "Separate beds" is her simplest and most direct idea.

Fang Leyi said: After marrying Daqi, I realized that I didn’t know him at all. When you were in love with him, he pretended too well, was diligent, and loved to be clean. But now I know it's not the case at all. He cooked a pack of instant noodles, and the kitchen felt like a typhoon. After taking a shower, I don’t care if my hair is stuck in the drain. I told him, and he was still very convincing, saying that I was so diligent, but I spent all of it when I was chasing you. However, this is all okay. His teeth grinding at night is the most unbearable and there is no way to cure it.

Later, we had to "separate beds". There is no way around it. Sometimes at night, when I don't want him to leave, he will stay with me and wait until I fall asleep before leaving. In fact, I don’t know what it takes to understand the art of getting along with someone in love. But in my opinion, if there is a problem, we must find a way to solve it. Da Qi doesn’t know how to cook, so I’ll learn how to cook. He always forgot to pick up Shuikou's hair, so I took him to get a "straight" haircut. "Separating beds" does not mean "living apart". He loves me, so he feels sorry for me and can't sleep at night, right?

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2. The sequelae of love in "people who live in separate beds"

"People who live in separate beds" are not a new product in traditional marriages. But in the past, it often represented "discord", but now it has achieved a 180-degree reversal in the new marriage relationship. It has been given a new meaning of maintaining family relationships and increasing the intimacy of love. In fact, "separating beds" is not only a means of love, but also a state of life. It is the natural attitude towards marriage of the post-80s generation.

In their eyes, marriage is no longer about sticking together in a formal way, but about mutual understanding and mutual respect on a spiritual level, with obvious love pragmatism.

However, "separating beds" is a special form of love after all. If used improperly, be careful of "separating beds"!

1. "Separating beds" is not "blackmail"

The "separating beds" of the "bed-sharing tribe" is not a tool of the "cold war", let alone a means of blackmail. If you want to express your dissatisfaction with something, it's best to express your thoughts openly and communicate with him.

2. "Separating beds" is not "separating"

The "separating beds" of "separated beds" is not a silent continuation of "quarrel", after "Family War" Ending song. If you just had a big quarrel with him and you just get angry and don't say anything, don't "separate beds." Originally, the two of them had a grudge in their hearts, and they were careful that "separate beds" would become "separated lives."

3. "Separating beds" is not "asexual"

The "separating beds" of "separated beds" is not an excuse to refuse sex, and has nothing to do with sex. If you don't want to have sex because of physical discomfort or troubles, you must first confess to the other person and don't play "separate beds" for no reason, otherwise you are very likely to be labeled as "cheating".

4. "Separating beds" is not "separation"

The "separating beds" of "separated beds" is a physical "separation", not a spiritual "separation" . If you want to use "separate beds" to find relaxation in your marriage, then be careful. What you often find will be bigger troubles.

5. "Separating beds" is not "sharing love"

The "separating beds" of "separating beds" is not "sharing love", and it is not for feelings other than marriage. "The seats are empty and waiting for you". If you regard it as "fraternity" to save physical strength, then you'd better save more physical strength

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