Office romance always makes me want to stop.

A clerk who is ten years younger than me

Song Li (pseudonym) is a clerk in our company. She is small and exquisite, quiet and beautiful. I was already the business manager of the company when she came to the company, and I had been married for two years at that time. I can’t remember when I became close to her.

I began to think she was very cute and lively, and I liked chatting with her. Once I was playing with our colleagues, and I recognized her as my sister in front of my colleagues.

She also agreed, and we kept in touch frequently. At first I did treat her like a sister, but as time went by, we could talk about anything, we could chat all night long, and she understood me very well.

Our profession is very stressful, with heavy sales tasks. Everything is measured by numbers. Failure to complete tasks will affect your performance, income, and position. This is very realistic and cruel. So it is really a blessing to have a cute little sister to chat with in the office and relieve stress.

The friendship between a man and a woman is really delicate. Although I regard her as a sister and a good friend, there is something ambiguous in my heart that people cannot control with reason. Every day I see her smiling faintly, frowning slightly, looking out the window quietly with a pure and elegant look, I feel an inexplicable feeling of love and affection in my heart. Sometimes when I look at her smiling face, lively and enchanting, I can't help but feel in a trance and my heart is swaying. That kind of thing that grows deep in my soul can dominate my soul and control my thinking in an instant.

I used to think that this was my illusion because I am also an adult, but some of my actions really negated this illusion. We have a lot of social activities in this kind of work. I used to think about going home after drinking, but now I almost don’t have that sense of going home. Even though I was thinking about going home, as long as Song Li was in the office, my body felt like it was being held by invisible ropes. I was always greedy for something and refused to leave easily. I know this is dangerous, but I can't help myself.

I can’t stop loving, and I can’t let go. The tormenting feeling devours my soul and makes me too painful.

What’s even more dangerous is that now I feel that communication with my wife has become a problem. I lack passion and sometimes I imagine that my wife next to me is Song Li.

Song Li and I have not developed a relationship like a man and a woman. We have been dating for more than two years and have always been pure friends. But a few days ago, I drank alcohol and ended up going to her house. I behaved a little too much and kissed her. She didn't blame me. But I knew what I was doing was beyond something.

We all pretended that nothing happened when we went to work the next day, but I felt very uncomfortable and conflicted. I can't stop having sex, and I can't let go. That tortured feeling devours my soul and makes me so painful. I know what I did is sorry for my wife who loves me, but I'm already trapped in it and can't extricate myself.

I can feel that Song Li has a vague feeling of love for me. Her breath always surrounds me silently, but she never asks for anything from me. My wife and I get angry, and later in the evening she takes it upon herself to remind me that it's time to go home. She is a good girl, and I wonder if she is as in love as I am. Maybe she has more worries than me, but she always stays silent and doesn't speak out. Her eyes occasionally show her words and then quickly put them away, which makes people feel pity and love at the same time.

Although Song Li and I talked about everything, we kept silent about our feelings. We were both deliberately avoiding it. Sometimes I really want to have a good talk with her, but every time I meet, I don't know how to speak, let alone what to talk about. I don't know if I will hurt her if I break this layer of paper. I know that in the feelings accumulated bit by bit, I already care about her too much. This kind of feeling has no trace, like a fish cooked over a slow fire, and like a person slowly walking down a very gentle mountain road without feeling it yet. By the time we descend, we have already walked from the top of the mountain to the foot of the mountain.

Emotion and reason collided back and forth in my heart, and I felt like my whole body was going to be crushed by them.

I have also tried to slowly have less contact with her and look back on the edge of the emotional cliff, but now she seems to be affecting my nerves. Her unhappiness will immediately affect me. If she When she felt unwell, I wanted to take her to the hospital immediately. I also thought about being cruel and ignoring these things, but I failed. Now whenever I feel unhappy, I want to see her and talk to her, even if I don’t say that I really Despite my worries, I feel content even when talking about other things.

I just feel that she is not very old, but she understands things very well and is very good at comforting others. This may be the reason why I fell into this. The scariest thing for me now is that whenever I dream, I dream about her, and I dream about her becoming someone else’s bride. I am also very excited and angry. It seems to be the same as when I was looking for a partner a few years ago, so selfish and impulsive.

One day when I came home, my wife accidentally said that the wedding ring she was wearing was loose, which proved that she had successfully lost weight recently. The ring is loose? Hearing this, I was shocked and suddenly wanted to cry. Silly wife, if you knew that your husband who loved you fell in love with someone else, would you still say such unlucky things as a loose ring?

Song Li and I are not lovers, at most we are just ambiguous friends. But this feeling makes it hard for me to leave. It seems that I want to have this feeling all my life. But I know this is impossible. Emotion and reason collided back and forth in my heart, and I felt like my whole being was going to be crushed by them. It was sweet, painful, guilty, and confused. I was living like this, and it was very painful.

Editor's Notes

Most office romances begin with passion and end in tragedy. Feelings are a double-edged sword. You don't want to hurt Song Li, but you will definitely hurt your wife. If you don't want to hurt them, this sword will definitely pierce you. Maybe if you tell Song Li clearly that you love your wife, she will take the initiative to withdraw and be kind to you and her. The ambiguous emotions between you and Song Li may look as beautiful as immortals through the gauze, but if you remove this layer of gauze, you may feel boring. As the male protagonist played by Zhang Guoli in "A Sigh" said, she is a fairy, and you have to endure it and don't provoke her.