Recently, the entertainment news of Hong Kong stars Zhou Huimin and Ni Zhen attracted people's attention. Ni Zhen ignored the beauty Zhou who had been in love for 19 years and was photographed "cheating" and kissing a hot girl. Ni Zhen was quickly dubbed "" by the Hong Kong media and the public. A new generation of mean men.”

Recently, the entertainment news of Hong Kong stars Zhou Huimin and Ni Zhen attracted people's attention. Ni Zhen ignored the beauty Zhou who had been in love for 19 years and was photographed "cheating" and kissing a hot girl. Ni Zhen was quickly dubbed "" by the Hong Kong media and the public. A new generation of mean men.” Although Zhou and Ni are suddenly getting married in the past two days, more people still suspect that Ni Zhen's playboy nature will relapse after marriage. Many people don't understand why Ni Zhen is always flirtatious when he is accompanied by a beautiful woman like Zhou Huimin. Is it true that "men are born to be flirtatious"? Is philandering a moral issue or a psychological issue? Zhang Chun, director of the Nanjing Psychological Crisis Intervention Center, gave an analysis from a psychological perspective.

Some people have physiological reasons for being flirtatious

One point of view is that the seeds of men's "philandering" have already been planted. As early as the time of apes, every male ape owned a group of female apes. They got this through fighting. Whoever is strong has the right to continue the family line. This is the law of survival of the fittest in nature. Humans evolved from apes. Although this inheritance is too far away, it may not be completely extinct. Besides, after the formation of human beings, for hundreds of thousands of years, especially for thousands of years, polygyny was mostly practiced. Men’s thinking is to love when they can, while women’s thinking is to marry and follow the chicken. These ideas have somewhat formed a certain bad nature, which is condensed in the genetic code and passed on from generation to generation.

1. Love hormones are addictive

Psychology believes that there are physiological reasons why many men like to keep making new love like Ni Zhen.

After research, psychologists have discovered that there is a special kind of people among the crowd, people who are "addicted" to love hormones such as dopamine and oxytocin. Such people, once the levels of oxytocin and other hormones in their bodies subside, will find new sources of stimulation again, thereby enjoying the extreme pleasure and excitement brought about by high hormone secretion. This is what we usually call the philandering, the new and the old. people.

Tang Huang in Byron's novel, Duan Zhengchun in Jin Yong's novel, Chu Liuxiang in Gu Long's novel, and Ximen Qing in "Water Margin" all share the same characteristic that they are easily moved by women and easily charmed by women. Show no mercy at all times. Ni Zhen may be just like them, a person who is "addicted" to love hormones.

2. It may be caused by genes

Scientist research also found that people with certain gene variants may encounter more trouble in marriage.

Research has found that the number of a segment called RS3 334 on the human AVPR1A gene is related to whether a man is an "infatuated man" or a "heartless man." A man may have two, one, or no RS3 334 segments, and the greater the number, the less secure the relationship with his partner. It is reported that the AVPR1A gene is the gene encoding the receptor of the hormone "vasopressin". This hormone is related to oxytocin, a hormone known as the “cuddle chemical.”

3. The shelf life of love is only one and a half years

Zhang Chun introduced that psychological research has found that the shelf life of love is only 18 months. Ni Zhen no longer has love for Zhou Huimin, so he will naturally fall in love with others.

Neuroendocrinology has discovered that love between men and women is stimulated by three chemicals in the brain: dopamine, phenylethylamine and oxytocin. When a man and a woman fall in love for the first time, these three chemicals burst out at the same time, making people's hearts beat faster, their palms become sweaty, they are excited, extremely happy, and unable to stop.

However, after a period of time, the heartbeat will no longer accelerate and the palms will sweat. Moreover, the time spent looking at each other will be less than before, and the intensity of the hug will be smaller than before. why is that? Because as time goes by, the human body will gradually produce an anti-nourishing antibody against these three chemical substances; after a period of time, the effects of these three chemical substances will disappear, and the sense of freshness between men and women will disappear. It will gradually disappear and be replaced by a blend of emotions.

Now the relationship between Ni Zhen and Zhou Huimin is more appropriate to be called "best friends" than "lovers".

"Carefree" is more of a psychological problem

On the surface, a "philandering" person seems to have something to do with morality, but if you delve deeper into the reasons for her behavior, you will find that it is related to the attitude, emotion and behavior of her caregivers and parents in the original family.

1. Desire to be noticed

Ni Zhen keeps breaking news about chasing girls. One of the reasons may be related to the fact that he did not receive more praise from his father when he was young.

Ni Zhen’s father is the famous science fiction writer Ni Kuang. Director Zhang Chun said that in the practice of psychological counseling, it is often found that "tiger fathers" who do not understand parent-child education have cultivated "dog sons". Because the father is so outstanding, he naturally has higher expectations for his son; and precisely because he is so outstanding, he generally does not praise his children easily. In this way, the child unfortunately lost his father when he was a child - the objective evaluation of the most important person in the process of establishing a sense of self-worth. This will make the child lose his inner self-worth no matter how glorious it is in the eyes of outsiders. The feeling is very low.

If a person with a low sense of self-worth finds it difficult to gain a sense of accomplishment through normal channels, he is likely to use other unorthodox methods, such as Ni Zhen's way of chasing women, to cause trouble in order to attract people's attention to him .

2. Desire to conquer and protect

Zhang Chun introduced that men’s nature, due to the effect of male hormones, is to desire to conquer others and protect the weak. If he is a weak person and is "protected" by a woman, then there must be a powerful force hidden in his subconscious that always wants to break free from the hands of the savior.

And Zhou Huimin often plays the role of Ni Zhen's savior. For example, Ni Zhen was stopped by the radio station from hosting the program, and Zhou Huimin ran around to make money; she gave up a share of the business that she and her mother had been managing alone, and asked Ni Zhen to become a shareholder.

Some people said that Ni Zhen "collapsed across the board" and needed Zhou Huimin to come back to help him recover his capital. Ni Zhen immediately and strongly retorted: "I have nothing, how can I be 'all over the board'?" His inner aversion to "rescue" , it can be seen.

Then why did he choose Zhou Huimin in the first place? Director Zhang Chun said that it was because he was immature at the time and still extended his habitual thinking about the original ecological family. His wealthy family gave him a sense of psychological security since he was a child; and Zhou Huimin, who has always been financially independent, also gave him a sense of psychological security from the beginning.

However, as he grows older and matures, as a man, Ni Zhen begins to desire to be strong and resents the protection of others. Conquering new girls and being worshiped by little girls gave him great psychological satisfaction that he was a strong man.

3. Some "love-minded people" are actually mental illnesses

Psychologists have summarized the following reasons for the psychology of "philandering" people (she) did not receive due protection, careful care and selfless care when she was a child. But it is used as "pseudo-love in the name of love", such as control, possession, and jealousy.

A. The heart of a carefree person is empty, like a bottomless black hole with magnetism. It constantly needs external things or things to fill it, but it can never be filled. It has nothing to do with a person's status, money, or reputation. It's just that these external conditions will create more opportunities to constantly replace people.

B. Carefree people don’t know what they really want? Insecure and worried about the future.

C. People who are philandering lack self-confidence and self-esteem, and lack inner strength.

D. People who are carefree do not want to take responsibility for others and adopt evasive behavior. Constant change is another kind of evasion.

E. Carefree people always hope to get more praise, respect, recognition and affirmation.

F. Carefree people want everything, refuse to give up, and constantly chase the so-called "better".

G. People who are carefree have not been "weaned" psychologically, have not cut the "spiritual umbilical cord" with their parents, and have not yet completed the growth of their psychological age and become a truly independent and psychologically mature person.

H. People with a philandering heart suffer from mental illness because their childhood trauma in the original family did not receive timely treatment. This is a psychological misunderstanding that is often ignored by parents and family members. These psychological traumas are always accompanied by carefree people. They rely on such behavioral defense methods to gain false self-confidence and dignity, and walk helplessly and confusedly in the long river of life with a metal mask that becomes thicker and harder. .

Mid-life crisis is the catalyst for "philandering"

Ni Zhen said in his breakup letter that he suffered a "midlife crisis" and that his search for a new love may be a sign that he wanted to prove that he was still a strong person.

Psychology has discovered that middle age is a new and important stage of personal self-evaluation. When people reach middle age, deep down they will always ask themselves, "Do I still have a chance?" Values begin to waver; if there are any unsatisfactory aspects in life, it will aggravate self-doubt and sense of loss, and fall into depression.

Ni Zhen’s career has been full of twists and turns. “YES! 》business, employees cannot receive salaries and are often visited for debt collection; the health magazine "Vitality" he is the editor-in-chief cannot be published as scheduled, and sales are not satisfactory; he has always been known as a "talented man", and his writing work has also come to a standstill. , wrote a column for "Sing Tao Daily", which only lasted three months and suddenly stopped writing.

Psychology believes that during a mid-life crisis, people will always unconsciously seek new breakthroughs to affirm their own value and seek new meaning in life. And Ni Zhen's new love may subconsciously mean seeking a breakthrough.

Moral cultivation and control of "carefulness"

From a psychological point of view, men's "philandering" has its physical and psychological roots. That is to say, everyone has this situation in essence, but in the process of socialization, people It will gradually be assimilated by factors such as conformity to social norms and morality. This means that character and morality can control men's "indulgence".

In a psychological research test in the United States, when asked "How many lovers do you expect to have in your life?", men's average answer was eighteen or nineteen, while women's answer was four or five. In other words, "philandering" is a relatively common psychological and physiological phenomenon, but why are so many people greedy but not courageous enough that "deviation" is not a common phenomenon in society? It lies in the power of moral cultivation.

If a person falls into "love", love hormones will burst out, making people simple-minded and passionate; however, if you are a married person, or someone who has been in love like Ni Zhen, your brain will "seek advantages and avoid disadvantages" The positive feedback mechanism will be activated immediately to promote the generation of sense of responsibility and moral strength, so as to calm the love hormone and return people to reason.

The reason why Ni Zhen is "simple-minded" and commits "wrong things" is because his moral cultivation is insufficient and the psychological energy generated is not enough to calm his sexual impulses.

Men need women to understand and considerate

Past emotional experiences

Every man’s past is a well-kept spiritual diary. You may occasionally take it out and look through it, but you will never share it with others easily; especially the chapter about women. But almost all men have complex and vicissitudes of emotional experience. In the men's circle, showing off how excellent and beautiful the women they have been around is also a special way for men to prove themselves; but when facing the women of today, they will never mention it easily, because no matter how unforgettable the past is, they will never mention it easily. It’s also something from another world. What's more, even a woman with high quality and self-cultivation will inevitably not break the casserole and ask the truth about the past. If she encounters a "jealous jar", wouldn't she be asking for trouble?

Everyone will be curious about the past of the person they love most, and want to have everything about their lover. It is an instinct, the instinct of love.

But once you know it, besides the pain, what else will be left behind? Love requires sincerity, but it also requires secrets. The so-called secret is to give love a space, let love breathe freely, and keep love fresh and mysterious.

Men’s vanity

Men are all players. If a man likes racing and is a center forward on the football field, his charm in front of women will immediately increase. Therefore, men must have some real skills, and at worst, they must use one of them. Play in a decent manner so as not to embarrass yourself in front of women. So there is a man who, in order to teach his girlfriend how to play tennis, first practices hard on his own in secret. You can't take the house with you, so there are men who spend all their money to buy expensive cars and cheat them. If they can't borrow one or rent one for a day, they can satisfy their vanity.

Men’s sexual anxiety

One theory is that a man has a sexual fantasy every six minutes, and only thinks about it when he is busy doing it. After thinking about it every 6 minutes for 6 days, men begin to need to do something about it, but few women know about men’s sexual anxiety. Many men have wondered how big an erection can get before they even have a chance to put their penis to the test. They keep reassuring themselves that size doesn't matter - "It's not how big it is, it's how you use it." But in fact, the problem of size has always troubled them. In addition, men are afraid of women who are better than him in bed. This kind of competition will scare him. Of course, when men are not good at it, they are most afraid of women saying: "Are you sick?" As for prostatitis, impotence, premature ejaculation, ejaculation, etc. Hair loss, insomnia, kidney failure, heart palpitations, hemorrhoids, etc. are all bad reputations that men dare not face.

Men’s Child Psychology

The ideal Takakura Ken-style tough guy image in women’s minds has taught men not to shed tears lightly. Therefore, men have developed the habit of denying their emotions since childhood - knocking out their teeth and swallowing them in their stomachs, revealing too much. The affection between children is a sign of weakness. If the Japanese cry when their business fails or the Australian cabinet is dissolved, it will be the headline news in the newspapers immediately.

Do you know? Therefore, more men suffer from depression than women, and the suicide rate is even higher than that of women.

Every man has an Oedipus complex to a greater or lesser extent, especially those who lacked maternal love when they were young. They often snuggle in the arms of their beloved women in the dead of night. Of course, this complex will not spread everywhere. , the woman in front of him must be his favorite and most trustworthy woman, because only in front of his beloved woman will he feel safe.

Men are easy to grasp. No matter how many illusions there are, as long as you love him, you can find his way from the infinite secret world behind him.

Seven fatal weaknesses in men’s psychology

A man’s face is more important than anything else. Men almost always "support" their lives, so they feel tired. When a man sheds tears, he doesn't shed them easily, he knocks out his teeth and swallows them in his stomach. This is the tragedy of men, who dare not admit that they are weak, afraid of pain, and various so-called "feminine psychological needs."

A man’s face is more important than anything else. Men almost always "support" their lives, so they feel tired. When a man sheds tears, he doesn't shed them easily, he knocks out his teeth and swallows them in his stomach. This is the tragedy of men, who dare not admit that they are weak, afraid of pain, and all kinds of so-called "feminine psychological needs."

In fact, men and women are originally a mixture. Later, people formatted men and women and made them absolute. It seems that men mean masculine, not crying, pragmatic, carefree, and slovenly...

In fact, this is not the case. Men also have many unknown "feminine psychological needs", but these are secrets that are only done but not revealed, and women are not allowed to reveal them. If there is a space where you can release freely and open your dusty mind, I would like to talk about the fatal weakness of men, which is the "seven inches" of men.

Vanity

It is difficult to put more money in your pocket, but it is much easier to become a rich person. A man's financial status is a personal secret. Women had better ask less questions, because in their minds, a man's wallet determines his charm and ability. This is very subtle and cannot be easily revealed.

Accordingly, men will never admit that they have vanity, but the reality is that they have a "vanity ranking list":

First, he only drinks three ounces but says he drinks three kilograms, bragging without blinking an eye;

Second, open your laptop and get busy on the street to show that you are busy with everything;

Third, advertise that you can play, such as playing golf or tennis;

Fourth, buy a fancy car and spend all your money. No matter how big a mansion you are, you can’t take it out, but a car can “see people” at any time...

Weak

Men also have a weak side, but this cannot be made public. Before a fight, he pretends to roll up his sleeves, which is actually to hide his inner weakness and uneasiness, but his mouth is very tough: "Who is afraid of whom?"

Beautiful

A thoughtful person did a test, placing a large mirror at the corner of a shopping mall (where there are few people) to see who of the men and women passing by would prefer to stay and tidy up in front of the mirror.

The results are shocking. Male peacocks love beauty more. Almost every man will "secretly" comb his outfit when he passes in front of the mirror. But in public, men generally refuse to admit that they like to dress up. This is also a "secret" of men.

Childish

There are many childish men in Jin Yong's works, and he is a discerning man. But female celebrities only like to marry mature men. Because it is stable and reliable, the light of reason can not only be used to shine, but is also suitable for heating.

But men actually have naughty and innocent needs in their hearts, and sometimes they show it unconsciously. They seem to be naughty, but are actually coquettish. However, they are not suitable for large-scale development, and eventually become a "secret".

Company status

Profit or loss? Are the bonuses smaller or larger? Does your boss treat you well? Men generally don't like women at home to ask about questions like this. The reason why men want to keep some facts secret is because they don't want to bring things during the day into the night.

So, when it comes to work, men don’t like women to interfere. Listening to politics behind the curtain is not a pleasant thing for all male emperors.

Who to socialize with

There is a "Meeting Bar" that has a booming business because it is the best place for men. Once his wife calls and asks: "Where are you?" A man who is drinking can confidently answer: "In a 'meeting'!"

Men like to play with friends of the same sex and don’t like women to intervene, because they know that “lovers have many things to do”, so a woman’s wise choice is to let him go crazy and not bother to care.

Dream of getting rich

Play stocks, cooperate with friends to do "business" or even take risks... I long to become a millionaire overnight, my heart is as high as the sky, but I have to do it behind my wife's back, hoping that one day I can give my beloved woman a huge fortune. surprise.

So, during the dream, all this must be kept secret and not allowed to be known to her. In short, most men's secrets are "forced" by the outside world. For women, they are a little beautiful, but for men, they are some kind of twisted pain.