Marriage counseling experts have found that knowing how to get along does not necessarily guarantee a happy relationship. Knowing how to quarrel is the key!

Anyone who is married or has a stable intimate relationship will probably agree that once a boyfriend or girlfriend or a couple quarrels, their behavior and ability to speak and form sentences may not be any better than that of elementary school students. go.

In fact, conflict is not necessarily harmful to intimate relationships. On the contrary, it is even a necessary activity to maintain intimate relationships.

American writer Sheila Heen and her husband both teach interpersonal communication at Harvard University. Everyone thought that they were a perfect combination and would never quarrel. However, they were wrong! There are still disputes in their homes.

Jhon Gottman, a Ph.D. in psychology, once founded the "Love Laboratory" at the University of Washington. He has studied marital relationships for more than 30 years and found that most happy couples have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. Positive interactions build the foundation for long-lasting love, and a sense of humor can guide couples through negative emotions. If the ratio of positive to negative interactions is less than 3:1, there is a high probability that there will be problems in the marriage relationship.

After seeing this, readers will definitely ask, why aren’t marriages with a higher proportion of positive interactions happier? For example 10:1. Well, the mystery is here. According to Gottman's research, couples who claim to never quarrel are usually more satisfied with their marriage than the average person in the short term. However, after waiting for 3 years, Gottman will study this group of couples who never argue. However, it was found that the marital satisfaction of this group of people was lower than that of couples who quarreled about the problem. The possible reason is that this group of couples suppressed their dissatisfaction with each other, which was detrimental to the maintenance of intimate relationships.

The conclusion is that quarreling may be beneficial to an intimate relationship, but the point is that you must understand the secrets and be good at handling disputes, which can make the relationship between two people closer and more stable. If it is not handled well, it will inevitably lead to the failure and breakdown of the relationship.

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