Recently, my friends often complain on QQ, saying that her marriage is unhappy, that her husband is too indifferent to her, that he only cares about business and never cares about her well-being, and that her original choice was too hasty. , and said that it would be great if time could be turned back and she could choose again.

I tried my best to persuade him here, but to no avail. I finally couldn't stand it anymore, so I stopped trying and watched in front of the screen with cold eyes.

She quickly sent a series of questions: Why don't you comment?

I replied: Are you done with your grievances?

Well, I finally feel better now. I have been holding this in my heart for a long, long time.

I remember that at the beginning, she preached to us sisters all day long, vowing to find a rich boyfriend, who was not a "rich second generation" but also a businessman, otherwise there would be no discussion. She said that she had worked too hard in this city and that choice was more important than struggle. For a woman, finding a rich man was equivalent to a successful reincarnation for the second time. Look at those celebrities, how many of them didn’t go to rich families?

She went on blind dates and dates frequently, eliminating batch after batch. Finally, she chose her current husband, a moderately successful businessman.

On her wedding day, she was lavishly decorated and the wedding was extremely extravagant. Everyone thought that the prince and Cinderella lived a happy and carefree life from then on. Unexpectedly, after being married for less than a year, she would complain again and again!

If I had known today, why bother? It has been said since ancient times: Businessmen value profits over separation. Since you have chosen to be rich, you should endure loneliness. No marriage is perfect!

I sent this without any hesitation.

She was silent for a long time.

Indeed, marriage has no front and back perspective, and there are depths of siege. We are all ordinary people. We do not have foresight to control our future life, let alone whether our partner will change over time. Because we don’t know, we should not bother ourselves. Time will not go back, and those futile regrets will only make us fall into pain and be unable to extricate ourselves.

Therefore, all we can do is to try to live every day well, appreciate the scenery along the way, cherish the person in front of us, don’t care about losing, don’t expect to gain, be simple, take it easy, do it and cherish it

Bumps and bumps in the marriage will be very hurt

Recently, the latest article in the American "Female Friend" magazine published the 9 bad habits of couples summarized by American sex experts and their countermeasures.

1. Lack of common interests. American marriage therapist Sherry Amatenstein said that without a common language and interests between couples, it can easily lead to a boring and lack of vitality in a marriage. Expert advice: The key to solving this problem is to enhance "verbal communication" and cultivate common interests. Eat out together and talk about things that interest you at the moment. This will surprise the couple and promote affection and mutual attraction.

2. Not enough sex. Every couple has different standards when it comes to the frequency of sex. The problem, says Amatenstein, is that when it comes to sex, many couples wait for the other person to strike and arouse passion. Once the other party fails to do this, anger will boil over. Expert advice: Instead of waiting passively, take active action. Try to do something that evokes yourself and your loved ones. For example, change the sex location to add a romantic element.

3. Lying about money. Dr. Karen Gail Lewis, an American marital therapy expert, pointed out that money is about both power and trust. Bad habits such as hiding small treasuries and lying about money use between husband and wife will affect the relationship between both parties. Expert advice: Couples can sit down regularly to talk about income and expenses, and discuss short-term and long-term spending habits. The purpose is to ensure that the couple does not hide any secrets regarding their money.

4. Do not support the other party’s career. Dr. Lewis said that women who have an "unsupportive" attitude toward their husband's work should figure out whether you "hate" his job or are you angry because he can't spend hours with you? Or you feel that your husband does not support your career. Expert advice: Tell your lover about your troubles. Instead of saying "I hate your job," say "I hope we can spend more time together."

5. Complain about your lover in front of friends. Talking about anything with good friends is a common way of communicating. Lewis said that sharing too much private information about a loved one with friends will inevitably lead to "discourtesy." Expert advice: Think twice before sharing private information with friends, especially about your loved ones. It doesn't matter if your lover "sings poorly", but talking about "your lover's problems at work or sexual issues" involves privacy and can easily lead to extremes.

6. Forget romance. Amattenstein said that the passion of a couple may not be as strong as it was when they were young, but maintaining a certain level of romance can help improve the relationship between the couple. Expert advice: Small things such as writing love letters, kissing for 5 minutes every day, and giving special gifts to your lover are all concrete manifestations of romance.

7. Don’t try new things. Mortgage, children and work often make life stressful for many couples. In fact, there are many new things in life worth trying. Amatenstein says couples need to explore new things together. Expert advice: Learning new skills such as musical instruments or foreign languages, going to new restaurants to taste delicious food together, participating in volunteer activities, etc. are all beneficial to the relationship between husband and wife.

8. Educate children out of sync. Amatenstein said that couples should be consistent in educating their children. If the father sets rules for his children, but the mother allows the children to "break the rules", it will be easy to "destroy" the father's authority, which is a disrespect for the father. , is also not conducive to the growth of children. Expert advice: Couples can regularly discuss children's education issues when they are alone together. Husband and wife should love each other and set an example for their children.

9. Blame each other. "It's you again! Close the toilet seat!" "It's your annoying sister calling again!" Dr. Lewis said that sharp talking and blaming between couples are often a way to vent other anger. Expert advice: Couples should frequently check themselves and each other for existing problems. It’s important to remember that there are certain differences in the way men and women approach conversation, with women focusing on “relevant associations” and men focusing on “sharing information.” Only by maintaining communication can conflicts be effectively resolved.

Quarrel between husband and wife is an art

In the traditional concept, a couple who respects each other as guests is a role model for people to learn from. However, when a couple lives together all day long, bumps and bruises are inevitable. In fact, it is not necessarily a bad thing for couples to quarrel. Learning the art of quarreling can not only solve problems, but also enhance relationships.

A study in the United States found that most couples quarrel because of trivial matters, such as fighting for quilts while sleeping, salty dishes, how to place a certain piece of furniture, snoring, etc. Married couples fight on average 167 times a year over everyday matters. Although the cause of the quarrel is small, if it is not handled correctly, it will often lead to intense conflicts and ultimately affect the relationship between the couple.

What can couples do to "be more in love with each other the more they quarrel"? Taiwanese marriage counselor Matthew gave some practical suggestions to teach everyone to effectively avoid conflicts and improve the quality of quarrels.

Accept each other's small flaws. You already know your lover's shortcomings such as snoring, throwing socks around, making noise when eating, etc. when you are in love, and you should try to accept them after marriage. Don't exaggerate the other person's shortcomings, and don't nag them all the time.

Say less complaints and criticisms. Arguing is a form of communication, so avoid using offensive or critical words. Instead of complaining, "My house is so messy and you never help me clean it," say, "I want us to learn how to keep it clean together."

Don’t respond to the other person’s rants. Stand your ground, but don't necessarily yell. If your partner has a habit of yelling to express their emotions, be sure to stay calm. Some couples have a three-part agreement. When one party realizes that he or she is about to lose control, he or she will leave the scene automatically and come back to have a good talk after he or she has calmed down.

Don't ask for help. Once many women quarrel with their husbands, the most common thing they do is to find someone to complain to. Your friends and family will mostly take your side and help criticize the other side, but this is definitely adding fuel to the fire. Don't reveal too much about the problems between you to others. Solving them yourself is the best way.

It's best not to cry. Quarrels are not purely emotional confrontations. Crying can allow emotions to affect decision-making. After the quarrel, cracking a joke or giving a small gift are all ways to resolve the issue.