In the theory of love psychology, men's waiting for sex is often very simple, but women are different. They often want to walk along the beach on both sides, with the white moonlight behind them, the dark sea in front, and the soft sea breeze blowing and hugging them. The bodies that were together were so close to each other, no one was around to disturb them, there was only a strong and warm atmosphere on both sides of the partners. From this point of view, there is such a big gap between men and women's expectations for sex. This can easily make sex a purposeful act, without the color that both parties dream of.

The traditional concept always believes that there is a clear difference between the sexual behavior and sexual response of men and women: the man is proactive and the woman is passive and forced; the man has strong sexual ability and the woman has weak sexual ability. Therefore, sexual pleasure seems to have become a man's patent, while women are only accepted and even reduced to reproductive machines. It is true that there are no differences in sexual behavior and sexual responses between men and women, but sexology research in recent years has gained a lot of new understanding of this. The most striking difference between men and women is when it comes to orgasm.

According to a survey report by Kim West, a famous American sexologist, only 75% of married women in the United States in the late 1940s and early 1950s could reach orgasm during intercourse, while almost 100% of men could reach orgasm during intercourse. . Moreover, men can reach orgasm almost every time during sexual intercourse, while only about 30% of women can reach orgasm frequently during sexual intercourse, and the rest can only achieve it sometimes. Therefore, women must work hard for orgasm and expect orgasm to come quickly, while men expect orgasm to come later.

Since the 1970s, due to the widespread dissemination of sexual knowledge and various sexual tips, the situation has changed. Only 8%-10% of women claim that they have never reached orgasm or can occasionally reach orgasm. It can be seen that the difference between men and women in orgasm is not always so obvious. Everyone has not noticed that ignorant girls just clamp their legs or cross their legs to rub their vulva (a child sexual behavior similar to masturbation), and they can quickly experience orgasmic pleasure. Why does it become difficult when they become adults? ? Obviously, from childhood to marriage for more than 20 years, negative sex education can kill people's "nature." Domestic sex education was developed relatively late. Relevant surveys that have only been launched in recent years have shown that about 50% of married women have never reached orgasm, which is surprising. This also shows how huge the impact of sex education and civilized customs on women's sexual response is. In the past, it was believed that men have stronger sexual desire than women, and husbands always hope to have more opportunities for sexual intercourse. Many wives often avoid sexual contact on the grounds of "headache" or "uncomfortable body".

The situation has changed significantly since the 1970s. Some foreign surveys show that 2/3 of women are not satisfied with the frequency of sexual intercourse in real life. In sexual consultation, more and more women are complaining that their sexual desire is not satisfied. It can be seen that women are not born with low sexual desire. Changes in sexual concepts can "liberate" their originally suppressed sexual desire. In terms of sexual motivation, there are certain differences between men and women. Men's interests are more focused on physical feelings and sexual desire, while women are mainly focused on love and romantic relationships, paying more attention to interpersonal relationships and emotional sustenance. From the perspective of love and sex, men tend to have loveless sex. The motivation for engaging in sexual activities is physical needs and self-satisfaction; physiological needs and pleasure are their primary motivations. Women yearn for sexless love. Only when the relationship deepens to the point where they are inseparable, will they be willing to accept the man's further sexual demands; their sexual motivation is mainly to want the other party to share their intense inner emotions and express their sincere love. , assume their due responsibilities. No wonder some people say: "Men give love for sex, and women give sex for love." It really hit the nail on the head. Regarding differences in sexual motives, if both parties lack understanding and coordination, it will often lead to emotional conflicts and even marital crises. The traditional concept is that women are sexually aroused very slowly, and the degree of sexual arousal is not as strong as that of men. Kinsey's inquiry report also reached a similar conclusion. For example, when reading novels with sex content, nearly half of men admitted to having sexual desire and sexual reactions, while only 14% of women admitted to having sexual desire and sexual reactions.

Research results after the 1970s show that when watching or listening to videos or recordings with sex content, both men and women have sexual desire and sexual arousal reactions, and 40% of women have stronger reactions than men. These experiments not only use objective measurement methods to examine the sexual response levels of both sexes. For example, a stem tensiometer is used to measure the erection changes of the penis during the experiment, and a photoplethysmograph is used to measure the vascular congestion response of the woman's vagina. Interestingly, the sexual reactions reported by men are always consistent with objective measurements, while about half of women sometimes fail to detect their sexual reactions, resulting in underreporting. The women who participated in the experiment were all voluntary, so it was not that they deliberately concealed it, but that they did not know that they had sexually induced reactions. After all, women's genital reactions are not as intuitive and explicit as men's. This is a very meaningful comment on the results of Zeng Jinxi's report. A series of surveys conducted in the early 1950s and 1970s showed that the differences between men and women's behavior and sexual responses are continuously decreasing and closing in many aspects. However, what is puzzling is that the incidence of masturbation in men and women remains unchanged. It is always above 90% for men and about 60% for women.

Although surveys show that women's premarital sexual behavior, diversity of sexual behavior, and desire for sexual intercourse have all increased significantly compared with before, the incidence of masturbation still remains significantly different. Since the women under investigation were honest about other changes, there seems to be no reason to keep the masturbation issue secret. It seems that gender differences in masturbation do exist. Modern sexology research shows that the sexual response process during masturbation is completely consistent with sexual intercourse. Women with a history of masturbation are more likely to reach orgasm during sexual intercourse, while 90% of women who have never masturbated cannot reach orgasm in any way. This shows from one aspect that it is very important for women to be familiar with and confident about their own bodies (including anatomical parts, physiological characteristics, sexual response processes, etc.). To sum up, the sexual behaviors and reactions of men and women are both consistent and different to a certain extent. In order to realize the harmony and perfection of the sexual relationship between husband and wife, we must know and understand these differences, abandon the outdated traditional concepts and prejudices, take corresponding measures to coordinate the sexual responses of both parties, and bridge rather than increase these differences.

Love Psychology: "Hugging" can solve the difference between sex and waiting

Dr. Love believes that if you want both parties to be satisfied, the key is to find other ways of communication besides words. "Everyone should know that before there is verbal communication, humans need to communicate through non-verbal methods such as touching and making love, so that they can feel the inextricable intimacy."

Many women believe that men only like physical touch during sex, but Dr. Love holds the opposite view. She said the men she touched all confessed to expecting more physical intimacy at other times. Therefore, the best way to enhance the relationship between you and your partner is to have more physical intimacy.

Love Psychology: Three Major Differences in Love between Men and Women

The difference between sexual satisfaction

Male sexual satisfaction is ultimately achieved through sexual intercourse. In other words, sexual activity has almost become the only method of sexual satisfaction for men. Women are different. They have multiple ways to satisfy their sexual desire. Not only sexual intercourse, but also childbirth, breastfeeding and other activities can provide sexual satisfaction. They can even extend their sexual interests to a wider range, such as dressing up carefully and dressing fashionably. Because of the existence of this difference, it may bring some inert homophony to the couple's life.

For example, a wife may focus on taking care of and raising the baby, and then alienate her husband, or she may lack sensitivity and enthusiasm for her husband's sexual signals. Countermeasures: Both parties know and care about each other, and actively cooperate with each other to maintain the "magnetism" between husband and wife.

The difference between orgasms

There are also "time differences" and "gender differences" in the initiation of sexual desire between men and women. Let's talk about men first. Their sexual desire is always relatively intense and strong, and sexual excitement comes in a short time. It takes about 2 to 6 minutes to reach climax. It has the potential of "quick victory". Women, on the other hand, have slower and weaker sexual desire, and their sexual excitement appears later, usually reaching climax in more than 10 minutes. After the climax arrives, it lasts longer and declines slower, often after the husband withdraws. The "battlefield" will still be "unfinished" in the future. This is another difference between husband and wife: the orgasm difference.

However, the difference between orgasms is not an insurmountable "gap". The "tips" that sexology experts contribute to this are: fully understanding that the phenomenon of "men are fast and women are slow", "men are strong and women are weak", and "men are anxious and women are slow" in sexual activities is a physiological phenomenon, and you can use " "Sexual foreplay" activities should be adjusted, such as the husband using words, talking, laughing, touching, kissing, etc. to arouse his lover's sexual desire and make her sexual impulse come faster, while the husband should restrain it a little and give his wife some time to let the sexual desire between them Impulse synchronization. As long as these preparations are done, it is entirely possible for couples to reach orgasm at the same time.

Differences in sexual rhythms

Human sexual desire is not a straight line, but changes in waves. There is a physiological cyclical rhythm, sometimes rising and sometimes falling, which is called sexual rhythm. Research shows that sexual rhythms have gender differences and are not the same for men and women.

According to a survey by British experts, men's sexual rhythm has a cycle of 15 days, while women's sexual rhythm has a cycle of 27 days. The day in the middle of each characteristic rhythm cycle is the high tide day, and other times are often in the relative "low tide" period. Sexual rhythms, like other biological rhythms, begin operating from the day a person is born and continue regularly throughout life. Due to differences in birth year, month, and day, as well as differences in sexual rhythm cycles, men and women rarely completely overlap and change synchronously. Therefore, couples "can't always think of going to the same place." It is not difficult to see from the survey data of British experts that men have a shorter sexual rhythm cycle and can have two orgasm days in a month, while women have a longer sexual rhythm cycle and only have one sexual rhythm day in a month. Therefore, men's sexual desire is higher than that of women, while women often show a forced state of sexual frigidity. Coupled with factors such as menstruation and shyness, it is easy to miss even on menstrual days, thus leaving a shadow on the relationship between the two parties.