Qiu Shaobo, Consultant of the Marriage and Family Department of China Social Workers Association Accounted for 60%. Qiu Shaobo, consultant of the Marriage and Family Department of the China Association of Social Workers, said that in a marriage relationship, conflicts are unavoidable, and "powder keg-like quarrels" will inevitably lead to tragedies. Blindly avoiding the cold war is not the best policy. Effective communication should be established between husband and wife. model, and use the five "love languages" more to gain a deeper sense of sexual intimacy and effectively resolve conflicts.

The "cold war" between partners is more lethal

According to statistics from the Guangdong Provincial Situation Research Center, the divorce rate in Guangdong Province is increasing year by year. In 2000, 47,521 couples divorced By 2005, the number had increased to 80,873 couples, of which 60% were divorced due to "emotional discord."

It is inevitable for couples to quarrel and have conflicts. According to a marriage survey of 1,332 people conducted by the Guangdong Provincial Situation Research Center, 49% of people had conflicts due to "trivial matters in life." When dealing with conflicts, 41% of people use "cold war" to resolve conflicts, 38% use "pleasure", 19% use "blaming", and 16% choose "escape".

It can be seen that the way most couples resolve conflicts is not to "make a big fuss", but almost half to adopt a "cold war" approach. However, Qiu Shaobo pointed out that this approach is not a long-term solution, and Cold violence may be more threatening, just like an American snake fruit (an apple with a thick skin and a beautiful appearance). After being left at room temperature for a period of time, the outside can still remain bright, but the inside is already broken. Cold War couples are called "apple peel harmony."

After surveying 2.5 million couples, the team of American psychologist David H. Olson found that 93% of couples tried their best to avoid conflicts with their spouses and used "cold war" to avoid conflicts after conflicts. David pointed out that long-term habitual avoidance of conflicts is the number one reason for couples to divorce. Conflict must occur because both parties care about this matter. Therefore, the moment of conflict is the time for both parties to reveal their true selves. If you can make an effort to understand each other at this time, you can turn every conflict into a good opportunity to further understand each other and enhance intimacy.

Lack of communication makes the two sexes vulnerable to crisis

At the beginning of marriage, the relationship between the sexes is in the sweet stage of love. In order to get the love of the other party, one is willing to give love first and tolerate and tolerate each other. However, after a few years of marriage, many people have more conflicts in their marital relationships, intensified friction, and the relationship becomes increasingly uncoordinated. Qiu Shaobo said that to a large extent, many couples' relationships are not bad at the beginning, but often change bit by bit in daily life. When the two sexes no longer communicate emotionally and lack intimacy, the relationship between the sexes When you no longer ask for anything and no longer take the initiative to give, the crisis is approaching quietly.

When one day I suddenly discovered that my spiritual needs were so strong, a crisis arose, ranging from quarrels over trivial family matters to the emergence of a "mistress". Qiu Shaobo said that the way couples meet their needs actually "grows" simultaneously with the family's economy. We have to admit that people gradually mature and their needs are constantly changing. Therefore, couples must maintain an effective communication model and proactively and timely "upgrade the communication model" in order to maintain a good relationship between the sexes.

Learn the five "love languages"

"Love and marriage are not just instincts, but also require careful study, hard work to maintain, and efforts to avoid the emergence of some disharmonious factors." Qiu Shaobo believes, "The most important thing is for couples to learn to deal with conflicts and build friendship between husband and wife through the 'language of love', so that the two sexes can gain a deeper sense of intimacy."

Everyone knows Love is important, but how to give love and receive love is a great art. You might as well find out which of the following love languages ​​will benefit your partner————

Love Language 1: Words of Affirmation

What we need most deep down is to feel appreciated and affirmed. When the other person lacks a sense of security, they will lack courage. At this time, if the spouse can say some words of encouragement, it will often stimulate the other person's great potential, thus generating trust and gratitude.

Love Language 2: Attentive Companion

Busy work and high pressure often become the reasons why we ignore each other. Take time to accompany each other with your heart. You must know that taking time can "lock in" the other person's emotions, and your attentiveness will make the other person feel that they are valued.

Love Language 3: Giving Gifts

A gift is a visual symbol of love and something that reminds the other person that "I still love you." In fact, it’s one of the easiest love languages ​​to learn and be good at applying.

Love Language 4: Actions of Service

This refers to what your spouse wants you to do, and you show your love for him (her) by serving him (her). When men and women are passionately in love, serving each other is voluntary and even laborious, but after marriage, many people are too lazy to do this anymore.

Love Language 5: Physical Contact

Holding hands, kissing, hugging, and touching are all physical contacts. Physical contact is the most important love language between the sexes, and it is missing. , it becomes difficult to feel love between partners.

There is no denying that even after learning these five love languages, it is sometimes difficult to control your emotions. Once there is a conflict or emotional trauma on both sides, restorative communication should be carried out as soon as possible and a sincere apology should be made. The purpose is not to tell whether you are right or wrong, but to reach a consensus: I hope that each other can be better in some aspects. Improve. This is called "repair of love" by Qiu Shaobo. This kind of timely restorative communication is like a "first aid kit", which can effectively reduce and prevent the adverse consequences caused by emotional trauma.

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