While some white-collar workers are still worrying about who to marry or feeling sad about how lonely they are, another group of people in the workplace, the "hidden marriage tribe", is quietly becoming popular. These "hidden marriage tribe" are also known as "Pseudo single". The so-called "hidden marriage" means that you are obviously married or married, but you deliberately hide your marital status in public places and present yourself as "single" or "unmarried".

Since ancient times, marriage has always been the most glorious and natural thing. Why has marriage suddenly become a "knot" that everyone is trying to hide when human civilization has developed to this day? As the saying goes, if you hide something, you will seek something. So what is the story behind the hiding? To this end, we interviewed some OFFICELADYs who are getting married in secret. Their experiences may give us a deeper and more comprehensive understanding of the situation of women in "hidden marriages".

Xiao Liang, a 36-year-old company white-collar worker, Opinion: Forced by work, he had no choice but to marry in secret. Xiao Liang, a white-collar worker from a communications company, once went to meet a client with an unmarried female colleague from the same department. As soon as they met, the client praised them both. She was young and beautiful, and she said she must be a college student who just left school. Before Xiaoliang could say anything, the colleague immediately said that he was indeed a recent college graduate, but Xiaoliang's children were about to go to school. Since then, the client only contacted the young colleague regarding business matters, but Ms. Liang’s work ability was doubted by her boss, and she finally decided to leave the company. When applying for a job at a new company, Xiao Liang concealed the fact that he was married. Xiao Liang said: "I never put photos of my husband and me in my wallet, and I don't wear a wedding ring at work. I always hang out with unmarried girls in the office. When someone talks about marriage, family and children, I don't care. With the maturity of a married woman and many years of work experience, Xiaoliang confidently recommended herself to the general manager when the office director position became vacant. As expected, she succeeded. . Xiao Liang said that the general manager wrote in his comments about me to the board of directors: "The employee is young, energetic, and has no family burden." Xiao Liang believes that the success of promotion is largely related to "whether the family has a Burden” is synchronized! She said: "If I get married and have family burdens, I will have to divert some of my energy to my family. Will the company still hire me?" In order to continue to thrive in the workplace, during a routine physical examination last month, Xiao Liang told the doctor: "Let's fill it out as unmarried."

Jie is a 28-year-old accountant. Point of view: For the second spring, she chooses a hidden marriage. Jie is 28 years old this year and has just been single for a year. She said that since she got married, her friends of the opposite sex seem to be getting farther and farther away from her. In the past, whenever Jie acted out of temper, the buddies around her would surrender unconditionally, but now they looked at her strangely. That kind of gap makes her so depressed. Is it because she is married now? Jie said: When you are single, you can complain about annoying work, annoying customers, not sleeping well at night, and getting up too early in the morning. There will always be someone who cares about you and comforts you; even if you lose your temper, it is just the privilege of a single woman. , even if it is a bit unreasonable, it is taken for granted. But complaining about these things after you get married will only make people think that you have a problem with your vision. Why did you choose an incompetent husband and let you carry it out alone? Besides, you asked for it yourself. Who will relieve other people's wives' worries? That's your husband's job. A man can help a single woman solve her worries, but it is not easy to help a married woman. There is a psychological barrier here: helping you is equivalent to helping your husband - why should I help an unrelated man? Having learned a "painful" lesson, Jie put away her wedding ring and hid her married status when she changed jobs again. She can confidently show off her young lady temper in the days to come, fully enjoy the "power" of a single young woman, and enjoy her second spring, even though she is already a "fake lady" at this time.

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Xiao Qing, a 26-year-old company employee, Opinion: Hidden marriage for the sake of interpersonal relationships, Li Qing is a northern girl, beautiful, straightforward and enthusiastic. After get off work, she often meets with Eat and have fun together with colleagues and friends. Don't think that she is still a carefree single woman. In fact, she has been married for two years. She was single when she first came to the company, and her partying habit was formed at that time. There is an unspoken rule for this kind of party, that is, married women are not invited, because no one wants someone to suddenly leave the party when the climax is reached, or to have constant harassing phone calls. In fact, Xiaoqing did not intend to hide it at the beginning. She and her husband were both trendy men and women who were at the forefront of the times. They did not think that after getting married, they had to endure the constraints of being a "good wife" or a "family gentleman". However, others did not think so. think. She said that she once had a little sister who had always played well. She also attended such gatherings after she got married, but everyone left disappointed several times. The reason is very simple. Every time she goes out to eat or go to the bar with her colleagues, there will always be some talkative people who remind her from time to time: "Aren't you going home to have dinner with your husband today? Hey, I asked my husband to stay in the vacant room again..." As a result, The sisters who had to attend the party felt uncomfortable, as if they had done something wrong, and they always felt uneasy, so they had no choice but to end it early and disperse. Even if you explain again at this time, it will not help, because everyone's mood is no longer on point. With the lessons learned from the past, Xiaoqing decided to become a "hidden marriage family". Although it was suspected of "cheating", a white lie was better than ruining the interest of others and herself. In the eyes of singles, a married woman no longer belongs to herself, but is synonymous with the family. Xiaoqing does not want to make the originally harmonious relationship between colleagues awkward because of her married status.

Xiao Xiao 24-year-old advertising designer Viewpoint: Marrying too early and having no confidence in the future Xiao Xiao got married right after graduating from university. Of course, they got married because they loved each other. Xiao Xiao met her current husband when she was a junior in college. He was 8 years older than Xiao Xiao and was very caring and protective of Xiao Xiao. But it has been almost two years since she got married, and it has been almost two years since Xiao Xiao started working. However, no one of Xiao Xiao's colleagues knows her married status. In addition to Xiao Xiao's deliberate concealment, of course, because of her student-like face, it is really difficult to associate her with a married woman. In response to this move, Xiao Xiao’s explanation was: I am too young and feel very confused and curious about the future. Although I have gotten married for various reasons, the future is highly variable and there are too many unpredictable things. Maybe others will say that I am not confident about the future or my marriage, but in the long decades to come, who can guarantee anything? Therefore, I think there is no need to reveal one's married status prematurely. Moreover, regarding my approach, my husband took the attitude of not interfering, not opposing, not approving, and letting everything take its course. His understanding touched me very much and gave me full freedom and adaptation process. I dare not say what will happen to me in the future, but at least for now I will not disclose my married status.

Psychological experts believe that when women in the workplace choose "hidden marriage", they are actually placing themselves in a kind of "self-protection." It is precisely because reality has given married women too many setbacks that they have the idea of ​​​​self-protection and form a self-protection lifestyle to prevent themselves from being hurt again.

Experts also pointed out that women in the workplace should distinguish the occasion, pay attention to strategy, and grasp the proportion of "hidden marriage". For example, when applying for a job, women should act with integrity, believe in their own abilities, and fill in their marital status truthfully; while at work, they should respond flexibly as needed. If a woman has a "hidden marriage" due to work needs, she must clearly tell her husband and coordinate with each other so as not to affect family harmony.

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