◆The cost of cohabitation for women is higher than that for men. Recently, Liu Donggang, director of the Psychological Education Consulting Center of Chongqing Normal University, put forward the theory of "cost of cohabitation". In the cases he studied, the five costs for women were all higher, and some women even paid a heavy price, while the costs for men were almost zero.

Cost 1: Social and cultural cost

Currently, society may be tolerant of cohabitation, but tolerance does not mean affirmation. From ancient times to the present, if men fall in love and live together and break up again and again, they will be called "romantic talents" and "romantic and suave". Such experiences in men's mouths have also become their capital to show off. The same situation is disgraceful for women. Women are often considered to be "watery" and "a dead flower."

Many people believe that as long as they think they are not at a disadvantage, the opinions of the outside world are not important. However, social culture is tolerant of men's romantic affairs, but very demanding of women. When women fall in love again or enter into marriage, they have to bear much more public opinion than men. It’s unfair, but it’s the reality, and it can’t be changed at least for now.

Cost 2: Physical health cost

The physical characteristics of men and women determine that women are susceptible to gynecological diseases and other diseases after living together. If you become pregnant accidentally, it will cause great damage to a woman's health, and if it is not handled properly, it can easily leave sequelae. The risks of pregnancy are almost entirely borne by women.

Cost Three: Physiological Cost

Women age earlier than men, and their physical functions begin to decline at the age of 25. After living together for a few years, the woman has grown old, the man is still young and his career is on the rise, but the two parties may not be able to get married.

Cost 4: Economic cost

When falling in love, most men will take the initiative to pay the bill. Of course, the AA system is also a very reasonable and fashionable way. Once they live together, the two parties transform into an awkward relationship that is neither a love nor a marriage. It lacks the romance of love but adds more financial burdens.

Cost Five: Psychological Cost

After cohabitation, men’s psychological confidence is booming, because they know better how to please and deal with women, and they have more experience with women; but after cohabitation, the relationship fails, Women usually leave a psychological shadow, become less and less confident, and are more inclined to get married than enjoy love when dealing with their next relationship.

◆Cohabitation will hinder the progress of marriage

Research has found that the more experiences a person has lived together, the more repulsive he is to married life. Living together does not help people in their so-called premarital attempts. In other words, the longer a cohabiting relationship lasts, the greater the likelihood of not getting married. Moreover, American scholars also found in surveys that couples who get married after cohabitation have a higher divorce rate than couples who get married without cohabitation.

Because cohabitants have no commitment, only an agreement similar to a gentleman's agreement. The longer this kind of freedom lasts, the more the cohabitors will hate all kinds of constraints in marriage. In other words, effective marriage experience may not be learned from cohabitation, but it will hinder the progress of marriage.

◆Men contradict themselves and women regret cohabitation

The results of a survey on college students’ cohabitation by Professor Pan Suiming of Renmin University of China show that while college students are tolerant of pre-marital cohabitation, especially men , but the virginity of their legal spouse is very important. Regarding the question "If your lover loses her virginity, will you still marry her?", 53.4% ​​of male college students chose "no". At the same time, 76.6% of unmarried cohabiting women believed that cohabitation had a serious impact on their bodies, and 62.4% of women expressed regret for their cohabitation behavior.

Example 1: The newlyweds who were consumed in advance

Her: Living together is the sublimation of love

He: Living together is more economical than dating

So he said to her: "My dear, why don't you move to live with me, so that we can be together every day, how nice." She thought her boyfriend proposed to live with her , is a symbol of their relationship rising to a new level, and they agreed sweetly. So the man and woman, who had known each other for three months, entered into cohabitation with their own concerns.

However, in just one year, she regretted it. In the past, it was normal to go out for dinner on a date. All you had to think about was how to dress yourself up beautifully and how to have a romantic evening. But now that the two of you live together, the original intention of creating a little fling is now It’s all spent on firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea. The original feeling of being in love after not seeing each other for a few days has completely disappeared. You don’t need to think about it. Watching the other person wash their face, go to the toilet, pick their feet and fart every day, where is the beauty of distance? "At first we were very passionate together, but now we just lie down and watch the 10 o'clock news program absent-mindedly. Even if we get married in the future, it will probably just be a few banquets and some gift money. We are newlyweds. The money has been spent by us in advance, and we have become an old married couple now."

The most terrifying thing is that although they are not married yet, they are already quarreling constantly. "I have seen many couples argue about money before. We are quarreling over the issue, and now we are also facing such embarrassment. Who will pay for the monthly living expenses? Who will pay for the cleaning staff? "Although these issues are not the major issues that determine the relationship between the two. , but it was enough to keep them in a lawsuit for a long time, and money became an extremely sensitive topic between us. She believed that his salary was higher than hers, and since she already shouldered the responsibilities of a wife in her daily life, it was natural for him to take on more. But he thinks that now that the two of them are not married, there is no need for him to bear all the expenses. It is fair for each person to take half.

Now, he and she quarrel about money every day, and living together seems to have become the most embarrassing, boring and uninteresting relationship between a man and a woman for them.

Comment: Passion overdrafts marriage and boring marriage

We have the ability to repay the early consumption of materials. This kind of attempt and early consumption of marriage has obviously exceeded the repayment ability of many people. Marriage The passion and happiness are pre-empted, leaving only fatigue and boredom. The intervention of various practical factors makes the two people feel that their life together is boring. No wonder there are survey data showing that couples who get married after cohabitation are more likely to live together than those who do not. Couples who marry after living together are more likely to divorce.

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Example 2: Living together is not a prelude to marriage

Female: Living together is a preparation for marriage. effort.

Male: The main purpose of living together is to solve each other’s various needs. For a man like me who has no plans to get married, finding a woman to live with is the most cost-effective way.

She finally decided to break up with her boyfriend after living together for 4 years. The reason was simple: she asked for marriage but he did not agree. His resistance to marriage made her very sad. Like most girls, she basically regarded herself as a wife when she decided to live with a man, and she looked forward to choosing a wedding dress and a baby with him in the future. bed, watch the sunset hand in hand. She didn't understand why he still lived with her in the first place since he didn't want to get married. Doesn't living together mean that two people are working together to get married?

For him, of course not.

He didn’t think that living together was so wonderful. In his eyes, the main purpose of living together was to solve each other’s physical needs. He didn’t feel despicable at all. He thought this was what most men wanted. Thoughts, besides, when he first lived with his girlfriend, he never made any promises to her, and told her that he would marry her. He believed that living together was good for two people who each had what they needed. It's just that one is willing to fight and the other is willing to suffer.

In the beginning, he was not so strongly opposed to marriage, but after experiencing N girlfriends, they all gave it too easily, which made him understand that for men, living together can not only enjoy the rights of marriage, And you can ignore the responsibilities of marriage. What fool would refuse such a good thing? He said to his relatives and friends who once came to persuade him to get married: "Marriage is a shoe, and living together is a process of trying the shoes to see if they fit. If you feel that the shoes are not suitable, why do you still have to buy them?" The current situation is that even if there are He won’t take out his wallet for shoes that fit his feet, because why would he buy them when he has free shoes to wear?

"Actually, all we need is the certificate." He persuaded his girlfriend to let go. Although he had been with his girlfriend for four years, he had already lost the novelty. In the long days to come, he I have no interest in spending the rest of my life with her. But he doesn't want to break up. He has become accustomed to this unfettered cohabitation life and her dedication. He still wants to extend this cohabitation relationship indefinitely until he meets the next woman who can replace her.

Comment: Don’t really think of yourself as a “wife”

The different thinking between men and women is doomed to have completely different endings. Women should not easily regard cohabitation as the first step into marriage, because Once it is easily given to men, it will only reduce their sense of responsibility. Moreover, no one can prove that cohabitation can improve the success rate of marriage. If you want to improve your marriage success rate by living together, it is obviously not a wise move.

Example 3: "Divorce" without property division

She: Except for the lack of that piece of paper, we are no different from ordinary couples.

Him: Without that marriage certificate, all the promises are just playing house.

She has always felt that forcing men to get married is a silly thing. She believes that cohabitation and marriage are only different in form. As long as two people have enough love and trust, it does not matter how they get together. Importantly, in the past seven years, she even believed that not wanting to get married was a sign of a woman's inner strength.

She had been living together with him since college. At that time, she had not thought about the future. She felt that if she loved him, she should be with him, not to mention that living together without being married was no longer a shameful thing. During that period of college life, she spent more time in the kitchen of their rental house rather than in class. She took care of his life like a little mother, washing, cooking and handling housework for him. These were her long-term skills. Xiang, especially for the man she loves, she is willing to be a free nanny, and he accepts all this with peace of mind.

Although she is not married, she trusts him immensely, and his promise makes her

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