You want him to pay some price for his mistakes, and you don't want to ignore him, but for some reason, with his movements, you actually find that your body is not listening to the call of your will. Compromise? He will definitely fall back on his old habits next time, and your Cold War effect will be in vain. Uncompromising? You find the natural joy that comes from the body irresistible.

At this time, do you want sexual self-esteem or sexual happiness?

A woman’s story

Ai Rong walked into my psychological consultation room. I have encountered such confusion and problems.

She is an administrative assistant in a foreign company. She married her boyfriend a year ago. My husband is good in all aspects, but he may be used to the unrestrained and free life of his single days, and often stays out late at night.

One day, my husband didn’t come back at 3 o’clock in the middle of the night. Ai Rong called her husband's buddy's girlfriend and learned that they went to an Internet cafe to play games together. The two women cherished each other on the phone, and his girlfriend encouraged Ai Rong, "When your husband comes back, you must teach him a lesson! Otherwise, if a man continues like this, won't he be lawless and disobedient to discipline in the future?"

Girlfriend Adding fuel to the fire, Ai Rong's lungs were about to explode.

This is not the first time that my husband has made such a mistake. In the past, he often didn't come home in the middle of the night. Every time he sneaked into the house in the middle of the night, Ai Rong would quarrel with him, but it had no effect at all. My husband was born to be the kind of man who puts oil on his lips. When Ai Rong and him were in trouble, he just bowed his head and admitted his mistake, then smiled playfully and started to use his hands and feet. In the end, it was mostly him who coaxed Ai Rong into bed, and his careful and gentle body care declared the end of the day's war.

With such physical care, Ai Rong's own anger often disappears. Afterwards, Ai Rong thought: How could I be like this? Once again, he muddled the waters, and the issue of principle was not resolved at all?

So that night, Ai Rong decided to resist her husband's body no matter what. To attack, she must argue the matter clearly with her husband. If he doesn't change, she will have the intention of divorcing him.

It was almost dawn when my husband entered the house that day. Ai Rong sat in the living room all night. Her husband obviously knew that something was wrong. Ai Rong said to him, I won't talk to you any more. I know you won't listen. I think we are not suitable, so we should get divorced.

Her husband was obviously afraid of divorcing Ai Rong, so he once again pestered Ai Rong with a playful smile. In Ai Rong's view, this is a man that she loves and hates: he is always like a child who has not grown up and cannot sit down and talk to her seriously. But this time she was determined. When her husband was stroking her hair, she pushed him away; when her husband didn't give up and continued to kiss her ears, she almost slapped him; her husband persisted and hugged her from behind, touching her most sensitive part. This time, she found that something was wrong again. After being a lover for many years and becoming a human spirit, he knew best where she was most vulnerable, too weak to withstand any attack.

That night, she completely surrendered again. The husband fell asleep contentedly. He not only successfully prevented Ai Rong's divorce threat, but also achieved physical happiness.

Only Ai Rong lay in the dark unable to sleep afterwards. She thought, why did my body not listen to the call of my will again? Why did I surrender to his temptation again? If this continues, is it possible that the conflict between me and him will never be resolved? Am I just letting him succeed again and again?

Another way of sex

Another housewife, Anne, recounted her experience as follows:

Her husband had recently learned something from where she saw Lai actually had some perverted sexual methods (she guessed he learned them from watching those messy pornographic films), and when he came back in the evening, he insisted on dragging her to practice them.

Originally, it is very common for couples to try some new sexual tricks. But those actions, in Anne's opinion, were almost representative of the insult to women. She resisted instinctively, but like Ai Rong, she couldn't stand the entanglement of her "lecherous" husband. She found that her self-esteem gradually stopped listening to her body's call, and she actually enjoyed it.

Afterwards, she felt very puzzled. She thought what happened to me? How could I become so nasty and lose my self-esteem?

Ai Rong and Annie's Trouble, in my opinion, I should congratulate them, because this is a happy thing; they have all met a master of love and a man who understands the psychology of women. This man knows how to develop their lust.

Surrendering to lust is at least better than frigidity or a sexless marriage.

Because it is difficult for husband and wife to have real principles of right and wrong, so we need to use sex as a means to punish each other. Many times, the reason why we feel that surrendering to the other person and compromising to his physical temptations hurts our self-esteem is often due to our concepts. If you think about it carefully, are those concepts really that important?

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So, under what circumstances should we let go of physical problems? What about happiness?

1. When you still miss the other person

One of the wife's girlfriends had a fight with her husband. She decided to separate from him, and she cried and complained about her husband at my house. But I observed that while she was complaining about her husband's faults to me, she had been restlessly waiting for her husband's call. I deliberately stood by her side and supported any punitive measures she took. Instead, she took the initiative to say a kind word for her husband occasionally, "He actually loves me sometimes."

Later, her husband found out the truth. When the call came, she deliberately didn’t answer it and asked me to pick it up first. I took it and passed it to her. She still had the ice knife and frost sword on her mouth, but her face had obviously softened in every possible way. After a phone call, they completely reconciled. Her husband asked her to stay at my house at such a late hour.

Later, she was obviously a little restless. She was worried about what to do with breakfast tomorrow. I could see that she was missing her husband, but the face issue had not been resolved. I told her, why not strike while the iron is hot and take a taxi back to her home in the east of the city. Perhaps, her unexpected arrival will make her husband even more overjoyed. Tonight will be a romantic sex feast.

As a result, she later called me to tell me that that night was the most romantic and passionate night in their lives.

If you love him, go to him. Many times, the so-called conflicts are often sexual foreplay between husband and wife, which is one of the means to make ordinary life ups and downs. Most couples in the world quarrel all their lives. Why? Because the emotions that rise and fall with the quarrel give gender a charm. The so-called self-esteem at this time is often caused by concepts. In the face of true love, give up your self-esteem!

2. When those conflicts are not of principle

What is a principled issue? Everyone’s standards will be different. . Some people think it is absolutely unforgivable for him to have an affair, and some people think it is unforgivable for him to be corrupt. And most of the time, is the conflict between you and him really a matter of principle?

For example, he came home late, for example, he forgot to bring you a gift today, such as pickles and light vegetables. Perhaps these trivial matters should not be raised to matters of principle. If at this time, he comes up to hug you, and your body also undergoes chemical changes, then accept him. Sex at this time is often the glue that binds a couple's relationship.

3. When your body really needs it

How powerful is the instinct of the body? For this question, just look at those corrupt officials, they would rather risk losing their official positions. Just enjoy a night of romance. It is said that among all kinds of bribery, sexual bribery is the most powerful method.

So, when you have a conflict and you are faced with whether to succumb to his sexual temptation or to have sexual self-esteem, is the so-called self-esteem really that important compared to physical pleasure? A famous writer Said: There is no self-esteem between husband and wife. This is a bit absolute, but it is true that self-esteem is an important reason for couples to erect a fortress and enjoy the sexual feast between husband and wife in a timely manner-if you need it. If your physical impulses are overcoming your reason, this is often a sign that a person can listen to their heart.

4. What methods should not be tried?

Women often have a sense of shame about sex. Men, on the contrary, are full of tireless exploration of sex throughout their lives. In terms of sexual development, men often like to be teachers and hope to be the leader of women. More experts believe that the reason why many women are unable to enjoy orgasm is often because they have too many taboos about sex.

A woman who thinks too much about sex is not a good woman, and a woman who tries many sexual methods is even less a good woman - is this a woman’s true inner thoughts or the influence of culture? In my opinion, more It's the latter. Marriage experts believe that as long as couples try various sexual methods for sexual pleasure, as long as they do not hurt each other and do not produce uncomfortable feelings, then there is no so-called abnormal problem.

So, what kind of sex should you say no to?

(1) Cause physical harm. For example, if you don't like SM, but your husband insists on being abusive, that's not sexual pleasure, it's domestic violence.

(2) You feel humiliated and have no pleasure at all.

(3) Make you feel mental pain, for example, you are really being forced.

(4) Affect others and hinder public morals or order.

In addition, in my opinion, there is nothing that cannot be tried, and the self-esteem generated by it is often not the real voice of the body, but the voice of ideas. As for the concept, it is a kind of oppression imposed on women by society.

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So what should we do if we have conflicts between husband and wife?

If we listen to the call of our body every time, then How to resolve deep-seated marital conflicts?

Going back to the first case in this article, like the situation Ai Rong encountered, in my opinion, whether it can be resolved and whether to agree to her husband’s sex It doesn't matter. Even if the wife turns into a martyrdom and would rather die than obey, the husband may not immediately "change his ways". On the contrary, it may make the relationship between husband and wife more tense, or this sexual punishment may cause an affair. You have to admit that men sometimes feel: If I don’t get it, I always have channels and ways to get it.

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