Experts appearing: Zhang Yiyun, Ph.D. in Psychology from Georgia Institute of Technology, USA, senior corporate trainer. In recent years, she has been active in the media as a psychological expert and is a popular guest on programs such as "Garden of the Soul" and "Metamorphosis". He is the author of the best-selling books "EQ is actually very simple", "Work is actually very simple", "Love is actually very simple" and "Happiness is actually very simple".

Sometimes sweet words, sometimes cold war and plotting, love brings not only joy and romance, but also many unexpected setbacks and problems.

Many people say that falling in love to staying together is the process from dream to disillusionment. But, what kind of mentality should we use to face the 72 changes in love, so as to regain confidence in love at the bottom of disillusionment?

Does love have a shelf life

There is a song that goes well: It is easy to fall in love but difficult to get along. After being together for a long time, many couples will feel less and less romantic and less interesting. The once perfect lovers now have many shortcomings, so complaints will naturally appear.

Zhang Yijun: Regarding this phenomenon, psychologists have found that after two people fall in love, their relationship will change qualitatively as time goes by. At the beginning of falling in love, the spark of love that bursts out is called "infatuation". At this stage, the two lovers have a particularly strong feeling for each other. For example, thinking about the other person constantly, talking on the phone for five or six hours in a row, and thinking that the other person is almost perfect in your mind, only has advantages and no disadvantages... The reason why this state occurs is because the hormones in our body have changed. , making us almost dizzy.

However, these magical hormones are not permanent. Expert research has found that the surge of hormones in the human body begins to slowly subside about eighteen months after falling in love, and the longest period does not exceed three years. In other words, the shelf life of passionate love is generally only eighteen months. From that point on, the infatuation begins to "break down" and the feeling of being obsessed with each other is gone forever. Of course, lovers at this time often have a psychological gap and begin to doubt love.

Since the shelf life of passionate love is only eighteen months, should we stop looking forward to love after this?

Zhang Yiyun: It’s not so miserable. The beautiful scenery is actually behind! Infatuation is just a stage of love. When this stage is over, love enters the "attachment" stage. "Attachment" love does not make people feel as cloudy as "obsession", but it is a deeper feeling. At this stage, both parties begin to pay attention to some more practical things, such as life details, financial planning, etc. Although they are no longer dizzy with love, both parties can still feel their deep love for each other in some subtle ways. A friend of mine said it well: "My girlfriend has become my wife. Now I no longer miss her day and night, but when I see her taking off her makeup in front of the makeup mirror at night, my heart will still be full of love." A real love will make people sweeter.

If both parties are good at maintaining it, the lifespan of "attachment" is much longer than that of "passionate love", and can even last a lifetime. However, if care is neglected, the youth of love will soon pass away and its quality will turn into "care", which is what we usually call a state similar to family affection - there is a profound emotional connection between two people, but this kind of emotion The main connotation of connection has been transformed into care, and the element of romance is gone.

This gap will make many people feel that love is boring. Compared with the heart-pounding feeling before, they begin to question the existence of love. It is precisely for this reason that many couples or lovers break up peacefully with "no fault" and are most likely to happen at this stage.

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