In September last year, I entered a second-level undergraduate college. When I first entered the school, I felt that my classmates were like butterflies emerging from their cocoons, flying happily and freely on the campus all day long. Because I was not satisfied with being admitted to a second-level college, I was not happy. Every day, I just carry a book and a water glass, and run around the classroom, canteen, and dormitory at three o'clock.

I am happiest only when I receive a call from Zhe at night. He always says softly, "Baby, are you tired? Take good care of yourself..." Hearing this greeting, I always feel so at ease.

It has been two years since I fell in love with Zhe. Zhe is the kind of boy who is silent, steady, conservative, and even a little stubborn. Oddly enough, I just like him for being so dull and dull. He also admires my personality and always praises me for being quiet and elegant. In the rainy season of midsummer after the college entrance examination, Zhe hugged me tightly on the platform, and then he turned around and boarded the train bound for the south. College life separated Zhe Tian and I from each other. Looking at the disappearing train, I cried until I almost fainted.

In this way, we can only rely on one phone call a day to express and express our feelings to each other. Sometimes I ask Zhe, when will this kind of separation and waiting end? Zhe always teases me humorously, "Don't worry, we still have to contribute to the telecommunications industry of the motherland for a few more years..." Slowly Yes, we are also used to whispering love words quietly on the phone, simple but happy. My roommates often say jealously that I am the happiest girl in the world.

Everyone says that I am a beautiful girl and a very lovable girl. But for some reason, I felt the air around me was cold. Everyone lost their previous enthusiasm for me, and my classmates and roommates also isolated me intentionally or unintentionally. I became very lonely, and my inner temperature almost dropped to freezing point. So I went online and chatted to pass the free and lonely time, and then I met him.

He won me 600 QQ coins in the QQ game. I refused to admit defeat and asked him to fight again next time. In the next few battles, I still failed to defeat him. But in the end, he returned all my Q coins to me. I was surprised and grateful. I said, "You are a good person!" But he laughed and said, "You are a little kid!" So, in later QQ games, we could always join forces to defeat strangers, and we became the most tacit partners in online games.

During a chat, I was surprised to learn that we were in the same university. So we arranged to meet at the tennis court. I stood on the edge of the court holding a tennis racket, feeling like a little rabbit in my heart. Here he is, much more handsome than I imagined. Wearing a white sports top, dark sunglasses, and a blue light mountain bike, he stood in the dazzling sunlight and waved to me. His smile is very sunny and makes people feel warm. After that, every day except class, I would go to him to kill time.

One day, I was working out with him in the gym, and a group of his classmates looked at me and smiled mischievously. He said: "This is my sister!" I nodded and smiled. It was already very late when I walked out of the gym. When the wind blew up my skirt, he put it on me, zipped it up for me very gently, brushed my hair and said, "You look so handsome!" "I smiled, feeling something different in my heart.

I have changed. I have become very lively and happy. Even when I am alone, I always have a smile on my face. Sometimes I will hum songs while walking on the road. Slowly, I forgot to call Zhe and told him how much I missed him. I walked hand in hand with the boy next to me on a rainy night, and listened to his thoughts on the phone late at night. I know that in fact, I don't want to give up Zhe. Every time I think of Zhe, my heart is always full of shame. However, in the end, I also did not give up this novel opportunity.

One day after I had known him for nearly a month, when the lights were about to go out in the dormitory, I received a call from him. He said a little drunkenly, "Sister, I want to see you, I'll wait for you downstairs!" After that, he hung up the phone. The moment he opened his arms and hugged me, the lights in the dormitory building went out!

He was very excited and held my hand very hard. I supported him and comforted him in a low voice, but he pulled me and insisted that I accompany him to have another drink. He kept saying that he was very sad. His eyes were bright as he spoke, and he rested his head on my shoulder. Later, he kissed me very domineeringly. It was my first kiss and I couldn't refuse. When he reached out to unbutton my clothes, I suddenly woke up, grabbed his hand and said, "No, no!"

From then on, I didn't see him often anymore When it comes to him, to be precise, I can't see him. I let myself fall into his kiss. Every time I pass by the tennis court, I always think of him and the dazzling sunshine; I also think of him every rainy day and miss the big umbrella he held over my head.

I desperately wanted to wake myself up, but there was nothing I could do. Inexplicably, I began to turn my anger towards the innocent Zhe who was far away. I called him and asked him to tell me that he loved me. Zhe was very shy, but said firmly: "I love you, forever!" I burst into tears, feeling shameless...

Some days later, when I felt that I could finally When he faced that illusory feeling calmly, he appeared again. That day he came to me and said he missed me so much that we went to a KTV to sing together. The flashing lights and blurry music in the karaoke room made me dizzy. After a few glasses of wine, everything in front of me began to shake violently, but I couldn't wake up.

I don’t know when, a burst of pain made my brain instantly clear. I was suppressed by him, but I didn’t have the strength to resist or save myself... I still lost myself after all...

The next day, Zhe told me on the phone that he had been flustered and had insomnia recently, and I burst into tears. I couldn't tell him what happened, it was all my own fault. Everything is already very unfair to Zhe. I will not let Zhe suffer innocent pain anymore. Maybe one day in the future, he will know all this, or maybe he will never understand...

I am not the kind of girl who either loves or hates. I have no right to blame anyone, and I have no right to blame anyone. Would blame anyone. That boy who once stood in the sun, I silently deleted everything about him and let him simply disappear.

The maple leaves on campus turned red and fell again, quietly and without any sound.