As the saying goes, "enemies never get together", and love is often the same. The two people love and hate each other, fight and make trouble, but they love each other to the death. Regarding this kind of psychology, psychologists believe that one of the reasons for the strong attraction between lovers is actually the pursuit of complete self.

Psychology master Yang Ge believes that everyone has "dominant" and "recessive" (or "shadow") personalities. In other words, in addition to the "manifest personality" that everyone sees on the outside, each person also has a "shadow personality" that is just the opposite, hidden deep inside. In other words, a very lively person actually has a very depressed side, while another very quiet person is likely to become restless in another unfamiliar environment. In terms of psychological theory, the shadow personality of an "analytical" person is the "sensing type" because the "analytical" person focuses on logical thinking and objective judgment, but when he emphasizes and expresses "rationality", he unknowingly He suppresses the delicate and sentimental "emotional" part of his personality deep into his subconscious mind and turns it into a hidden "shadow personality".

So, when a person meets a person of the opposite sex who has his own "shadow personality", he often feels happy and excited in his heart, because the other person shows the personality traits that he lacks (or has been suppressed). Some people say that love partners usually have complementary personalities, and that’s why. When a silent person meets a lively person, it is often his "shadow personality" that sees the sunshine and is inspired, which makes him extremely happy and frees his shackled soul.

This process of opposites attracting each other and integrating and complementing the "shadow personality" and "manifest personality" will gradually develop a more complete and mature personality. This process is also called the "complete self" by psychologists. search.

However, this kind of combination is also often called the painful part of love. In the so-called running-in, the qualities of the other person that attracted us most in the past have now become the things that make you most intolerable. If in the past, you fell in love with his gentleness, then you would probably complain about his lack of masculinity. What you fell in love with was her liveliness, and you would probably think that she was "wordy" and "childish".

When you are passionately in love, you feel that you have met the best person in the world, but when it comes to the running-in stage, you begin to discover the countless shortcomings of the other person and start to complain and be dissatisfied. Because, at this stage, we all want to work hard to transform each other and make the other person become the perfection we imagined, so the pain arises from this. Many people cannot get through this running-in period and end up in pain.

Editor’s conclusion: How can we make relationships go more smoothly? Psychologists believe that there is only one way, which is to give up the illusion of making the other person perfect, stop focusing on the other person, and go back to focus on the integration and growth of your own "dominant" and "recessive" personality, and focus on expanding your own " Shadow Personality”. When you give up changing the other person, you are actually learning to expand your "shadow personality". What's interesting is that often for a couple who have a good relationship, when one person gives up changing the other, the other will be more and more affected, and unknowingly the two become more and more alike.