Extramarital affairs are a hot topic in marriage nowadays, and they are the most talked-about event among women. Let’s take a look at the contagious psychology of extramarital affairs that you don’t know about.

In the vast Chinese vocabulary, "extramarital love" is definitely a neutral word, neither praise nor derogation, moderately salty, like a prostitute who has returned from good deeds, and the rules are imbued with a sense of story. What about before being a good person? Its name is "Adultery."

Although it expresses the central idea of ​​"married people having a love affair with someone other than their spouse". "Extramarital affair" is far more open-minded and tolerant than "adultery". On the one hand, this is because the openness of society and the implementation of "monogamy" have made it increasingly difficult for people to remain chaste until old age, and the number of cheating groups has become larger and larger; on the other hand, it is also because people have begun to realize that men or mistresses Not the only perpetrator of infidelity. Extramarital love is not only a simple physiological impulse, but also a "disease" that cannot be controlled by oneself! It is most easily transmitted between two generations of the family and among classmates and friends.

1. Extramarital love is a hereditary disease, and it is most common to be transmitted in families

Among many criteria for choosing a mate, there is a clause that "choose a man based on his family qualities." "Family goods" include the loyalty of the other party's parents towards marriage. Many research results show that "extramarital affairs" are most easily contagious between two generations. If the previous generation had a serious affair, the probability of their next generation having an affair reaches 67%.

Extramarital affairs do have strong family hereditary characteristics. This kind of inheritance is not passed on to the next generation through genes, but affects the next generation through psychological "black memory". In other words, if his parents had an extramarital affair, no matter whether the extramarital affair is hidden or public, , his psychology will be deeply imprinted with the painful "black memory" of fear of abandonment and alienation, and this "black memory" will accompany him for most of his life, causing him to have extramarital affairs again. way to deal with this pain and fear.

Of course, many men will promise their partners that they have suffered a lot from the infidelity of their parents and grandparents, so they will never let the same tragedy happen to their children. But this wish is often difficult to realize. Because in the process of human beings from being dependent on their parents as children to growing up to become truly unique individuals, they will automatically transform the rules and characteristics in the environment into their own internal rules and characteristics. This kind of subconscious identification only succumbs to the things and people that have the most profound impact on him. It is not driven by him or transferred by his personal will.

2. Be wary of men’s bad friends, extramarital affairs are a plague in the circle of friends

Many women know that "extramarital affairs are hereditary" and think that everything will be fine if they marry a man with an innocent background and a harmonious family relationship? Big mistake.

"Extramarital affair" is not only a congenital genetic disease, but also an acquired infectious disease.

Even if a man grows up in a completely trouble-free family and marries a wife, he may not be spared from "extramarital affairs". This time, the virus spread among his social circle of friends. If a man is not careful when making friends, he will be overrun by the flourishing virus and the city gate will be lost.

As a species where male hormones dominate the mind, men’s animal nature is very obvious. Vanity and good face are one of the essential attributes, and unwillingness to be lonely and love for excitement is the second essential attribute. If the moral values ​​are not fully formed from childhood, after gaining some social status, it is often easy to be driven by the "animal nature" and choose a few wild flowers to show off one's status.

There may not be many such people in the circle of friends at the beginning. They unconsciously brought the virus of "extramarital affairs" into the circle, and promoted it through various "showing off male power". The weak-willed group soon became They will follow suit. When a single spark burns into a prairie fire and everyone in the circle of friends holds a lover's card called "Yujiehua", the one who is loyal to the marriage becomes an outlier. Even if a man doesn't want to cheat on his wife, he has to learn how to act when the situation arises. What's more, in order to keep secrets, cheating groups will always try their best to unseat these moral gentlemen, cajoling and provoking them, and supplemented by long-term "practical practice" and "leading by example", it is only a matter of time before men's morals decline and they follow suit.

A man's extramarital affair is always a nightmare for a woman, which is easy to encounter, difficult to escape, and impossible to get rid of. It is contagious like a plague. You can prevent it from this moment, but you cannot prevent it from that moment. It is possible that the foreshadowing was laid in his early childhood, and it is also possible that he was attacked in his middle age

What a woman can do is not only to cut off a man's signs of cheating; more importantly, he should cultivate his mind and body so that he can have a stronger inner and more attractive appearance. When a man is completely lost, he turns around gorgeously and seeks the second spring of life.

An affair sounds the alarm for a marital crisis

The disintegration of a marriage is not just the introduction of an extramarital affair, but also a period of ambiguity in the relationship between the two. In fact, having an extramarital affair from a different perspective is not only harmful, it can also sound a warning to you in a timely manner.

Marriage is in crisis and extramarital affairs are not entirely a bad thing. In today's society, it is no longer uncommon for extramarital affairs to occur in couples' marriages. First of all, since extramarital affairs have occurred in marriage, you must first accept this fact. Marriage The failure of your life does not mean the failure of your life. Let yourself be trapped in extreme sadness. The problem is difficult to solve. An affair is not entirely a bad thing, or it is a warning bell in your marriage, so that you know better how to deal with it. To care for a family.

When a marriage is in crisis, you are not the only one who encounters misfortune. With the changes of the times, the number of extramarital affairs has increased significantly compared with the past.

In family system arrangement cases, "affair" is a problem that is often encountered. After doing so many cases, I found that: extramarital affairs are a mirror of the growth of marriage!

Infidelity has always been a plague that women are deeply afraid of in marriage. In psychological counseling on marriage and emotional cases, I always analyze and emphasize with the clients again and again that in a relationship, the reason why one party chooses to cheat is because certain psychological or physiological needs of this party have not been met. So when an external stimulus appears, he will hold on tightly and be unwilling to give up easily. In other words, it is precisely because there are problems and crises in the marriage, but neither party in the marriage pays enough attention and makes efforts to solve these problems, that causes one of the parties to cheat. If you regard one party's affair as a catastrophe for yourself, then you will feel self-pity, unbearable grief and anger, and even break the jar and fall into a state of mind that you cannot extricate yourself from. But if one party's affair is seen as a disease in the marriage of two people, the affair will allow both parties to reflect and grow together, and then a marriage that has experienced hardships and setbacks will become stronger.

Is an affair a "betrayal" or a "reminder"?

A female author in Taiwan once said something very insightful: An affair touches the most fearful and painful "betrayal" complex at the bottom of human nature, and will cause huge psychological trauma to the parties involved that is difficult to recover from.

The meaning of marriage originally lies in the absolute trust and interdependence between each other. Just like a pair of conjoined sisters, each uses all its strengths to make up for the other's shortcomings, and cope with life together - this is what most of us think when we step on the red carpet of marriage. This exposes an undefended weakness in us. When an affair comes, many people cannot face the betrayal of the "Siamese sisters" and will do a series of crazy behaviors.

Open one eye, inoculate a cowpox into your emotional life, and increase your immunity. In this way, once "things" happen, they cannot harm our faith in life and confidence in survival. An affair is not necessarily a true betrayal, but it is a reminder, an unkind reminder. It is telling you that your marriage has caught a cold, and you need to take care of it and listen carefully, because marriages can get sick just like people.

You see it most clearly when you’re having an affair!

A crisis in your marriage is not something you are the only one to encounter. With the changes of the times, affairs have increased significantly compared to the past, and have become a more serious family problem that makes society uneasy. With this mental preparation, you can It's easy to see things through; when you learn that the other person is having an affair, the person who is never mentally prepared is likely to be overwhelmed with grief. If you occasionally behave abnormally, don't be ashamed of it. This is a normal reaction, just as emotional imbalance requires crying. Like catharsis.

But you should also pay attention to staying calm, and constantly remind yourself how to minimize the disaster so as not to harm others and yourself; carefully evaluate your marriage, is it still possible? If there is still hope, and you are willing to save it, then work hard for it. This kind of effort will have two benefits. First, it may restore the original integrity and affection of your family. Second, when the other party still insists on leaving, you can see the true face of the matter, so that you will not hesitate now or regret in the future. ; If the other person has indeed moved on, don't be limited to worries about gains and losses, love and hate, bravely give up on him, get out of this marriage, and don't forget that you still have countless beautiful tomorrows. The best way to punish the other person is to make yourself live a better life.

The failure of your marriage does not mean the failure of your life! If you feel extremely depressed, seek psychological counseling from a specialized agency, because talking is the best healing weapon. You will be able to clarify your thoughts, calm down your emotions, and calm yourself down before you know it. You have a plan in mind for a moment.

In fact, crisis = danger + opportunity. An affair not only brings danger to the marriage, but it also brings a turning point to the marriage to a greater extent. It makes each other realize the problems in the marriage, face them objectively, and deal with them correctly, which is likely to bring vitality.

After you have done a family system arrangement case, you will also find that an affair is a mirror in the family and marriage, and you can see your own problems more clearly.

The emergence of extramarital affairs can make you realize the importance of a harmonious family. If you want to continue, you must try your best to save it. If you are not in love, it is better to let it go as soon as possible.