The more actively you try to eliminate the distance that exists, the further the man runs in order to maintain that distance. The harder you try to pull him out, the later he comes back. Remember: Excessive care and excessive closeness to a man may become chains that he instinctively wants to get rid of.

Men's Intimacy Cycle: Intimacy-Alienation-Intimacy

In fact, men have a secret that even he himself may not know: Men are like rubber bands. If you stretch the rubber band, as long as it does not exceed the elastic limit, it will rebound immediately as soon as you let go. This is the man’s “intimacy cycle”: intimacy-distancing-intimacy.

A similar situation occurs with men after they gain enough intimacy. With satisfaction and comfort, he couldn't help but start to reflect. He felt the urge to escape. He is no longer hungry for lack of love, he has new needs - he misses the feeling of being alone, he wants to have a person's world. He complained that he was too dependent, and he wanted to get back the feeling of being alone and free of imagination. On the surface, all this is more like an excuse for a man to escape, because he rarely makes it clear where the sudden impulse and yearning come from?

Therefore, men usually do not explain the reasons, but only think of "thirty-six strategies, taking the best option". What is left for women is only worry and panic. Regarding the "intimacy cycle", if men and women know nothing about the so-called "love", they will be suspicious.

Tired of the two people staying together, the man longs for another kind of passion, but the woman is unaware of it. She subconsciously makes the assumption that he doesn't care about her, and may even have other ideas. If he said "I just want to be alone for a while," would you accept that instead of automatically translating to "I don't love you anymore, so I don't want to see you"?

Men will get closer only after they "escape"

The reason why men escape is to satisfy their needs for "solitude" and "reflection". Just like a rubber band, it stretches out completely at first and then snaps back in the blink of an eye. Similarly, after a period of escape, a man will strongly desire love and miss the feeling of intimacy! Deep in his heart, there is greater passion and impulse; he wants to give his woman more love.

Therefore, the impulse to escape he had from time to time was not a decision, not a long-planned choice. It's just an "emotional event" that happens by chance. It is subject to a natural cycle or cycle. You will find that even if a man loves you deeply, he will periodically choose to "escape". After that, he became closer to women. Men are constantly changing between "intimacy" and "solitude". This is due to the nature of men.

The most common reasons for alienation among men

If, according to your observations, for no apparent reason, a man suddenly becomes very closed off, unwilling to talk, withdrawn into himself, and sometimes simply disappears - that is the time of the "alienation" cycle.

At this time, he was concentrating on solving one of his problems and completely cut off his concern for other things. He becomes forgetful and numb. Sometimes he would embark on something that required a lot of energy. In this way, he forgets about tension, such as working hard, watching a football game, driving a fast car, or watching a thriller movie. The most common reasons for alienation among men are:

1 The way he faced pressure

American psychologist John Gray calls men's sudden alienation behavior "hiding in the cave." If women rush to find someone to talk to when they encounter problems, then men are just the opposite. He prefers to face problems alone. At this time, he just naturally couldn't be distracted by other things. His brain and all his strength were focused on it. Moreover, the more independent, independent, strong, and silent the man around you is by nature, the more frequently and persistently he will enter the "cave".

2 He is looking for a solution to a certain self-problem

Telling it to you means admitting weakness and dependence. If a woman takes it for granted that she should seek help from her lover in a difficult situation, then a man will only do so when he is in the most dire straits. For this reason, the duration of a man's intimacy cycle is variable, everything depends on the complexity of the problem, from a few hours to a few months.

3 He messed up something

In this situation, silence and distance are necessary for a man to calm himself down. At this moment, he didn't want to talk or do anything, he might regret anything. This reason may cause men to enter the "cave", and the length of time varies. Most of the time, a few hours or a few days are enough. If the tension is long-lasting, the period of "escape" may last weeks or months.

4 Your relationship is very close, and he needs to adjust the level of intimacy

Men who are caught up in an intimate relationship fantasize about the joy of being alone and the beauty of freedom from time to time. Once his need for solitude and freedom is met, he will have an unstoppable yearning for intimacy. This reason is not only incomprehensible to most women, but also regarded as the most pathological.

Because this is most likely to happen after you have been dating for a period of time, when you are both crazy about love and everything is going great. Suddenly, the man either disappears at a certain time, or at least alienates you. How can we not make people panic and look for the reason for this inexplicable behavior!

When men "hide", what can women do?

Be as calm as possible. Do not, under any circumstances, try to pull a man out of the “alienation” part of his cycle! This is the general principle you must remember. The more actively you try to eliminate the distance that exists, the further the man runs in order to maintain that distance. The harder you try to pull him out, the later he comes back. Remember: Excessive care and excessive closeness to a man may become chains that he instinctively wants to get rid of.

So that you don't fall into a deep depression every time, just remember how different men and women are. If a woman can feel independent, then for a man, this is completely normal. He cannot live without this condition.

John Gray wisely pointed out a difficulty in getting along between men and women. It's not a big deal, it's just that men are used to this way of being alone, and women don't understand it. After understanding this fact, when encountering this situation again, a woman does not have to rush to jump in, or force the man to explain clearly. Do things that make you happy and give him some space to be alone, and the results will usually be happy.

Of course, it would be best if a man says hello to a woman before the "alienation" cycle comes. Before being irritated by a man's indifference, a woman is actually reasonable. If he says to you: "I've been under a lot of pressure recently and may not have the energy to care about you. I hope you can understand. I can handle it, don't worry." Then go shopping with your girlfriend obediently and go home to cook on time. , considerately give him a free space.

"Men are like rubber bands. If you stretch the rubber band, as long as it does not exceed the elastic limit, it will bounce back immediately as soon as you let go."