A full scan of "shell marriage" to see if you have been tricked?

People are accustomed to calling marriages that have big problems and are on the verge of collapse "empty shell marriages." In such a marriage, at least one spouse's heart no longer belongs to the family, but there is no divorce due to various reasons. "Empty shell marriage" can be divided into five types and manifestations. Let's take a look at it with Brother Danding.

Giving type: They choose to stay behind for their children

Why do middle-aged couples who should enjoy the fruits of their children get divorced when their children go to college and work?

Most of these couples have experienced a giving-type empty marriage: choosing to stay behind for the sake of their children. A friend once told a reporter a past incident: After she was admitted to college, her parents insisted on sending her off together and even traveled together in the city where she went to school. But their moods were very low. At first she thought it was because her parents were sad because she was studying away from home. Later she found out that her parents had agreed a few years ago to divorce when she went to college. Sending her to school together was a way to say goodbye to their marriage. Ritual...

"Children from single-parent families have imperfect personalities, incomplete outlook on life, values, and world view, which is very detrimental to personal growth... These statements scare us as parents. The couple no longer have feelings for each other, but we both love our children and want them to grow up healthily, so for the sake of their future, we keep the family intact and prevent the innocent children from leaving a shadow," explained Ms. Huang, who was newly divorced. Reasons for staying in a shell marriage for many years.

Parties involved in giving marriages often believe that being a parent requires a sense of responsibility. Only when the children become independent can parents choose their own lives again.

Affair type: Cannot let others enjoy the "fruits of victory"

Affairs are the biggest killer of marriages. When one party cheats, some people choose to divorce, while others choose to stick to it.

Ms. Xiang is 40 years old this year. She knew that her husband was having an extramarital affair five years ago, but she chose to endure it. My husband belongs to the group of people who "get rich first". He has worked hard for many years and has his own company. Some friends knew that the couple was incompatible and advised her to divorce. She said: "When we first met, he was nothing. Without my support, could he be where he is today? He is the fruit of victory that I have worked hard for many years. Why should I give the fruit to others? Besides, like me, If a woman of this age is divorced, what kind of life can I find?"

And because of the traditional education they received, some middle-aged men who have had affairs do not want to reorganize their families. . Mr. Huang once had an extramarital affair. The wife found out and asked for a divorce. Mr. Huang did not agree. He said that even when he cheated, he never thought about divorce. The wife is a good daughter-in-law in the eyes of her parents-in-law, but the parents-in-law do not agree with their divorce, and the wife's parents do not agree with their divorce. So, the marriage continued like this, but it no longer had the sweetness of the past.

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Complete scan of "empty marriage" to see if you have been tricked?

Face type: It’s rainy at home and sunny outside

Ms. Zhang is 36 years old and works as a supervisor in a company. None of her colleagues know that she and her husband have been separated for three years. too much. "After we got married, we often quarreled, either because of different living habits or because of the interference of our parents. We lost interest in each other, lost patience, and hurt each other." Ms. Zhang also thought about divorce, but in the end she didn't. this way. "I am a strong woman in the eyes of others and very successful. I don't want others to think I have flaws, and I don't want to become someone else's after-dinner asset after the divorce..." So, although they separated, they agreed to give each other face. On the surface, they are still a "loving couple".

Many middle-aged people live in a "face marriage" like Ms. Zhang. It is rainy at home, but the sun is shining outside. They even have lovers and lives. The main reason why victims of "empty marriage" do not want to choose to "leave" is because they care too much about other people's opinions and would rather stay in the "empty marriage". We can also call this kind of marriage a "strong marriage" because the parties involved in the marriage have a certain social status and bring strength into the marriage. Marriage guidance experts believe: "Sometimes, marriage requires both parties to show weakness to each other."

Yin-Yang type: longing for passion, the soul is "derailed"

If marriage is compared to a tree, then, There is a kind of marriage that is like a "yin-yang tree": one side has lush branches and the other side has rotten branches. A few days ago, CCTV's "Half the Sky" column did a shell marriage program. A woman talked about her marriage and said: Her husband is very considerate and romantic, and she feels very happy. But suddenly one day, my husband who was abroad sent a text message saying that he wanted to break up. There was also a long letter telling him about his inner anxiety and pain. She knew her husband was not having an affair, but she never knew his pain. A marriage like this is like a "yin-yang tree" where one party feels happy while the other feels miserable.

There are examples of such marriages around us. Mr. Zhang, 42, works in a public institution and has been married to his wife for 15 years. When he got married, he thought he had found true love, but after these years, he seemed to have become autistic. Apart from helping his wife with housework, he no longer even had any interest in talking to her. Often it was his wife who was chattering away, but he didn't say a word. "I don't want to tell her what happened at work: every day when she goes to bed, I am restless and find it difficult to fall asleep. Sometimes I keep my eyes open until dawn. I always ask myself, is this my life and my marriage? I thought about divorce many times, but I felt that she had done nothing wrong and I would not tolerate it. I could only suffer like this, and my marriage was unknowingly drained..."

Mr. Zhang encountered it. What comes to mind is a psychological problem, which is what is understood in the popular sense as "spiritual infidelity." He is unwilling to be dull, longs for passion, and is often anxious because of emptiness and boredom. Middle-aged women also have this tendency.

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