The charm of online dating lies in the illusion of the Internet, and the harm of online dating lies precisely in its illusion. If you naively think that the Internet is a paradise and linger there, it will endanger normal real life. Friends, do not treat online dating as such. really!

After all, the romance of online dating is rooted in the illusory Internet. At most, it can only be used as a condiment or side dish in life. It must not be treated as a big meal. If you indulge in it, you will The gain outweighs the loss.

Indeed, there are also online lovers who actually become lovers in real life and get along well. That is because the two parties do not wear many masks when communicating online, so the two parties will feel the gap after meeting. It’s not big. You can still fall in love with abstract images online, but it’s naturally easier to accept real people offline.

However, not every online love will end with a happy ending, more often it will "die in the light". Ruffian Cai once said: The Internet usually produces three types of people. The first type will highlight his secondary personality on the Internet, the second type of person will become the kind of person he "wants" to be on the Internet, and the third type of person will become the person he "cannot" be on the Internet. That kind of person. Therefore, many people online wear masks. The person you like on the Internet may be a completely different person in reality. Therefore, the emotions generated online are not complete, and there are few successful examples of online love returning to reality. After netizens meet, the result is often sad. Examples like this are not uncommon in online relationships. The recent farce of online lovers only to find out they were of the same sex after meeting online is the best example!

Maybe people will argue that this is because they fail to distinguish between illusion and reality. If online dating is controlled in illusion, online dating will still be a paradise. This argument is actually untenable. After all, people are animals with emotions. There are a few people who can tolerate their intimate lovers online who are always so illusive and unpredictable; They calmly tell themselves that this is online love and it is illusory; how many people can coldly separate their emotions from reality, and in reality can completely pretend that things have not happened at all! This is especially true for online marriage. Compared with concubinage and bigamy, the psychological pressure it causes is not much smaller.

The impact of online dating is not limited to netizens. Spending a long time online will undoubtedly reduce the time you spend communicating with your relatives, friends, and colleagues, and will naturally bring inconvenience to your family, life, and work. . More and more American women are complaining that their husbands spend a lot of time chatting with strange women online, causing them to feel an unprecedented family crisis. Private investigator Dan Greter said that "extramarital affairs" caused by online chatting and online communication are causing more and more families to disintegrate. Among the cases he took over, 15% of "peach affairs" were caused by the Internet; many people Indulging in the sweet words of a stranger in the dead of night, turning a blind eye to the man or woman next to him who washes the dishes for three meals a day. An expert on marriage issues said: "The Internet connects the world, but it often causes problems about disconnection." Online dating has brought a powerful and destructive influence on our traditional concepts and models of love and family. impact.

Online dating slowly destroys marriage

Xing Shufen, Ph.D., Institute of Developmental Psychology, Beijing Normal University

“I am really at a loss, all I can think about is him, even at work. Sometimes, there is no way not to think about him. Why is this? We met and got to know each other through the Internet. He comes and goes without a trace like the wind. I have never seen his real face in real life, but He has deeply occupied my mind. I tried to control myself not to turn on the computer or surf the Internet, but in the end I accidentally opened it. I wanted to know what "clues" he had left, even if it was just a little bit, I felt at ease. I also know that he is also concerned about me."

This is a case of "online dating" between married people. The heroine is a married woman, but she still cannot resist the temptation of the Internet. , fell into the quagmire of "online love". According to the latest statistics from the Shanghai Divorce Legal Consulting Network, extramarital affairs have become the number one killer of couples in Shanghai, and "online dating" is the fastest growing form of extramarital affairs, accounting for 20% of all extramarital affairs.

Extramarital affairs are criticized by the mainstream values ​​of society in real life. However, the concealment of the Internet provides people with a relatively free space, so it has gradually become the main way of extramarital affairs. A researcher from the Department of Social Work at China Women's University believes: "Modern life full of competition makes many people feel boring, boring, and stressed, and they are tired but helpless; the trivial marriage life makes the topics for couples to communicate less and less. Both men and women are likely to find a safe haven online.”

Some people think that compared to extramarital love in reality, online love is much less harmful and can be forgiven, but this is not the case. American psychologist West Bay believes that love in traditional marriage should include three main components: passion, intimacy and commitment. Married people's online dating poses a challenge to the traditional view of marriage: extramarital affairs in reality are the pursuit of passion and the destruction of commitments, while online dating seems to be a softer extramarital affair. It is a "body in Caoying, heart in Han". "People are at home and their hearts are online. On the surface, their commitment to marriage has not been broken, and they can still find the long-lost passion in marriage. However, online dating leaves latent marital problems unresolved for a long time and causes long-term damage to marriages. Compared with other forms of extramarital affairs, the poison of online extramarital affairs to marriage is chronic.

There are many people online but the success rate is low

The Internet group is dominated by young people, and the youth group has a strong sense of identity. The result of following the trend has led to the popularity of online dating among this group. Facing the increasing phenomenon of online dating, what is the attitude of young people? The survey shows that 65% of the respondents have a neutral attitude towards online dating, neither explicitly expressing opposition nor openly expressing approval. There are only a few people who clearly express their approval (12%) or opposition (24%) to online dating. According to a sample survey among students by relevant departments, 95% of students believe that there is no love in online dating, but 35% of students have experienced online dating. 91% of students are not optimistic about online dating, but contradictory to this is that 63% of students said that they would try it if given the opportunity. Among them, 56% believe that it is due to emptiness and loneliness, and 39% believe that distance brings beauty. 14% of students have experienced online dating once, and 21% of students have experienced online dating 2 to 3 times.

However, as to whether online dating is likely to succeed, the respondents' answers are quite divided: 8% of the respondents think it is "very possible", and 8% think it is "somewhat possible" and "uncertain" respectively. To 36%, 28%, and 25% and 4% of the respondents chose "unlikely" and "definitely impossible". Optimists believe that online dating pays more attention to the exchange of ideas and spiritual communication. Love based on this should be stronger and have a greater chance of success. Pessimists believe that online chatting is a relatively single way to get to know each other in the early stages of online dating. This way makes both parties lack actual real contact and understanding, so it is difficult to succeed.

Online dating changes values

Online dating is a new change in interpersonal communication and a new way of life for people. Its emergence will also bring about problems of one kind or another. The reporter interviewed some young people, and they all said that the success rate of online dating is very low, so why do many netizens still enjoy it? After careful analysis, the main reason is that people's values ​​​​have changed. In the past: a thing was either good or bad, and there could be no third situation. Nowadays, people generally believe that good and bad, right and wrong intersect with each other without absolute boundaries. Young people's curiosity for new things inspires them to try some fringe behaviors. According to the survey, today's young people have shown considerable tolerance towards online dating. Most of the respondents said that this is a matter of personal choice and will not interfere or judge.

Online dating may cause split personality

In addition, the survey also found that most online dating people come from cities. It may be that young people in relatively developed areas spend more time online and are less repulsive to new things, so they are more likely to fall in love online.

Through analysis, experts engaged in psychological education research have found that online dating includes a variety of psychological types such as game type, emotional sustenance type, romantic pursuit type, self-expression type, fashion pursuit type, and follow-the-crowd type. No matter which type it is, almost all have a common feature: regarding online dating as an online game and online emotional communication, "not only can all the rules of real society be completely thrown away, but also gender and identity can be blurred. , treating everything as a game. "Experts believe that after entering the Internet age, invisible network lines began to replace Yuelao's red lines. It is not surprising that many men and women who have never met or are even separated by oceans meet and fall in love through the Internet. But don’t regard online love as the pursuit of life. Surveys show that some young people do not rest at noon or night, and work overtime to fall in love online. This not only seriously affects their study or work, but also easily causes them to become withdrawn and even cause split personality.

The Internet is just a way of communication

The Internet is a very concealed way of communication. People’s interactions with the opposite sex range from the earliest introduction by a matchmaker to later letters and phone calls. The difference with today's online dating is that in other ways you can more or less see, hear, and come into contact with the other person's people and things, but on the Internet, you cannot have a perceptual understanding of the other person.

Marriage experts believe that for people living in the information age, the Internet is an inevitable form of communication. Falling in love or even getting married through the Internet can break the narrow interpersonal circle around you and expand your choices. However, because the online world is virtual and separated from the material basis, it does not have stability. For marriages and families that pursue stability, the practical effect of this method cannot be exaggerated.

Experts from the judicial department believe that using the Internet to fall in love is not a bad thing in itself. The key is how to avoid the risks and harms involved. Compared with other forms of love, it is easy to be fooled by superficial phenomena if you do not meet in person online. News of bad guys using online dating to commit crimes are common. Young people must be more careful when dating online.

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