Ms. Liu is a professional woman from Fuyang City, Anhui Province. She has been married for 12 years and has an 11-year-old daughter. After her husband had an affair five years ago, they have been living in constant quarrels, and her husband often beat her to death. Later, after being warned by her family and the Women's Federation, her husband did not dare to hit her, but her pain did not end - her husband neglected her from then on, either not coming home for a long time, or trying every means possible once he came home. Insult her. This kind of mental abuse made Ms. Liu even more miserable, but there was nothing she could do about it. To this day, for the sake of her daughter's healthy growth, she still endures this unspeakable "pain" alone.

This is a typical case of "cold violence" in a family, but it is by no means the only case. According to statistics from the Beijing Hongfeng Women’s Psychological Counseling Service Center, among the 100 women who called the Hongfeng women’s hotline for help, 19 often suffered verbal violence; 36 suffered both verbal and physical violence at the same time, and some People endure torture such as not being allowed to enter the house, not being allowed to eat, and having their personal freedom restricted.

Mental "cold violence" is also domestic violence

Zhang Xiulan, chairman of the Women's Federation of Fuyang City, Anhui Province, said that Ms. Liu's experience is an easily overlooked problem in modern domestic violence - - Mental "cold violence". Currently, similar cases are on the rise among domestic violence complaints. As for the reasons for this phenomenon, Zhang Xiulan believes that with the anti-domestic violence propaganda in recent years, husbands who blatantly beat their wives will be criticized by the masses and regulated by relevant departments. Therefore, many people have adopted more covert measures such as mental injury. Means to deal with life partners, such as insults, neglect, verbal stimulation, etc.

What is worrying is that there is a huge deviation in society's current understanding of domestic "cold violence". Relevant surveys show that 50% of the respondents believe that mental violence such as restricting the wife's interactions with friends, not talking to the wife for a long time, refusing to have sex with the wife for a long time, ridiculing the wife's flaws and weaknesses, etc. are not considered domestic violence, but only Physical and sexual violence such as beatings, injuries to death, and abuse are domestic violence.

In fact, according to the definition of the Beijing Institute of Forensic Science and Technology: Domestic violence refers to one party deliberately using force, words or other means to inflict physical and mental harm or abuse on another party between family members. , is an illegal act that infringes on citizens' personal rights, mainly including personal injury, mental torture, threats of violence, restriction of others' freedom of movement, and sexual abuse.

Wang Xingjuan, the founder of Beijing Red Maple Women’s Hotline, believes that domestic violence should include four aspects of behavior. In addition to physical violence, mental abuse, sexual abuse, restriction of personal freedom and economic control are all family-related behaviors. The scope of violence.

The harm of mental "cold violence" is difficult to define

What kind of behavior constitutes mental "cold violence"? Through investigation, the reporter learned that the current "cold violence" prevalent in many families mainly manifests itself as follows: when a couple has a conflict, they slander each other, are indifferent to each other, reduce verbal communication to a minimum, stop or perfunctory sexual life, and are lazy. Do all housework etc.

A social survey on the status of domestic violence nationwide by the China Law Society showed that 88% of families with conflicts will ignore each other, and more than 30% will close the door and leave the house in anger or throw things. In 48% of families, there will be mutual abuse, and in about 20% of families, husbands will threaten and beat their wives.

Similar to physical violence, mental "cold violence" is also often manifested in husbands' violence against their wives. Qian Weiguang, deputy director of the Civil Division of the Intermediate People's Court of Fuyang City, Anhui Province, who has handled many divorce cases, said that not the majority of female clients are often punched or kicked by their husbands, but the vast majority suffer from it to one degree or another. There have been various kinds of mental "cold violence", but compared with the relevant definition standards for the degree of physical harm, it is difficult to find a legal basis for mental harm.

Qian Weiguang said that in fact, among domestic violence, psychological violence occurs most frequently, followed by physical violence, and sexual violence occurs at the lowest rate. He analyzed that in addition to the fact that some families with higher education levels are more or less concerned about the constraints of social roles such as "a gentleman talks but does not use his hands" and feels that violent methods such as fists and kicks are not in line with his identity. There are also cases where the perpetrator has a grasp of the victim's psychology and knows that torturing the victim mentally can even more mentally drag her down and make her submit voluntarily. In addition, with the increasing efforts to popularize the law, many people have gradually learned to use the law to "protect" themselves. If the combination of punches and kicks leaves scars on the opponent's body, he may be subject to a lawsuit. As a result, some people who have learned to be "good" adopt another more "advanced" method of violence. Since domestic "cold violence" is repetitive and hidden, and there are no scars or blood, no injury assessment can be made. Even if it goes to court, it will be difficult for the judge to determine who is at fault.

Women’s spiritual homes also need care

Physical wounds can be healed, but spiritual wounds are not easy to heal. As a form of hidden violence, domestic "cold violence" causes more damage than explicit violence, and can even cause hidden mental illness. Women who suffer from "cold violence" will be affected psychologically and spiritually to a certain extent. Most of them feel wronged and controlled, their emotions become fragile and easily excited, and they are often in a state of psychological loneliness.

Wang Xingjuan once received a call for help from such a woman: At that time, she was young and beautiful and married a man who was average in all aspects. She originally thought she would get better care. Unexpectedly, after marriage, her husband was always worried that she would have an affair, so he tried his best to ridicule and humiliate her. Over time, her temperament changed drastically. Not only did she not dare to interact with others, she also always felt that she was worthless and she often made mistakes at work.

Wang Xingjuan pointed out that in our society, more emphasis is placed on family-oriented concepts and the role of wives and mothers. This makes many women suffer from "cold violence" in the family. There are too many obstacles to prevent them from seeking help. She feels that It is women's responsibility to keep the family intact, and more often than not they choose to stay at home.

Now, preventing and stopping domestic violence is becoming the consensus of the whole society. Shandong Province integrated community resources and launched the "Zero Domestic Violence Community" activity. The People's Congress, Comprehensive Management Committee, Court, Procuratorate, Public Security Bureau, Women's Federation and other units of Fuyang City, Anhui Province jointly established a domestic violence relief center and disclosed the relief to the public. telephone number. Specialized domestic violence injury identification centers have also emerged in Guangxi. Various "women's shelters" and "protection centers" have sprung up.

I hope that the whole society, while paying attention to the social problem of domestic violence, will not only protect the victims' bodies from harm, but also pay attention to protecting their spiritual homes from being trampled on!