Men and women who are immersed in love always think that age is not a problem. As long as everyone has a common topic and can maintain enough freshness, nothing is a problem. But will the age gap cause some marital problems in real life?

In fact, it is not a problem who is older and who is younger in marriage. It only becomes a problem when we all turn our thoughts and eyes towards it and pay too much attention to age. Many people think that if a young boy is looking for an older girl, he must have an Oedipus complex. In fact, this does not necessarily pose a problem in marriage. As long as you need it and she can provide it, you can be happy.

When a couple with a big age difference said to us: "We have been married for forty years and have been arguing for forty years." Our first reaction is: they must be quarreling in their marriage because of their age. . However, if I omit the words "large age difference" in the first sentence, then we may think that their marital problem is actually a quarrel.

Actually, I don’t think there is a problem in their marriage, and I should also wish them well and add a sentence for them: "I have been in love and happy for forty years at the same time." A bad marriage cannot last forty years. A marriage without love cannot be quarreled for forty years.

So, many marriages that seem unworthy, unequal, disharmonious, and unsatisfactory are actually good marriages.

For example, the age gap issue. Usually in traditional concepts, men should be bigger and women should be petite and cared for. Therefore, when a marriage occurs where the boy is younger and the girl is older, we feel awkward. In addition to our traditional concepts and stereotyped thinking, our aesthetic values ​​are also hindering our explanation of the problem, because psychologically, we feel that two people with a big age gap are not so good together. Meet our psychological needs for aesthetics. Secondly, there is a sense of security. I feel that men are smaller than me and insecure. Why do I feel insecure? That's because we are afraid of being abandoned. Maybe the core problem is that we are not confident enough, or we are not confident enough in the man. We think that the man is the boss. Only when he matures will he get more resources and be better able to take care of the family. If he is young, he may not be able to bear the burden of this family. In other words, here, people tend to equate physical age with psychological age.

From the initial psychological development point of view, girls develop earlier than boys, and boys generally lag behind by two years. However, as they enter adolescence and grow up, this psychological gap becomes smaller and smaller. Their mental age There is no difference with biological age. Why does our country’s marriage law stipulate that men must be two years older? This two years older does not mean that men and women are in the best state, but that at that age, the psychological development of men is more consistent with that of women. Boys are basically mature at the age of 22. As long as their mental age reaches the mature stage, it doesn't matter who is older or younger.

In fact, it is not a problem who is older and who is younger in marriage. It only becomes a problem when we all turn our thoughts and eyes towards it and pay too much attention to age. Many people think that if a young boy is looking for an older girl, he must have an Oedipus complex. In fact, this does not necessarily pose a problem in marriage. As long as you need it and she can provide it, you can be happy.

If we assume that marriage is serious and lifelong, then a woman will have more sexual pleasure finding a younger man. A man’s sexual ability declines quickly, but a woman’s sexual tolerance is very strong. . Of course, if the age difference is too large, for example, if the eldest husband is over 6 years old, it is best not for a woman who is not very confident about her own conditions. The reason is that marrying a younger husband is indeed a bit risky in today's impetuous society.

In our marriage counseling cases, the most variable factor in marriage is not age. Sometimes personality affects marriage more than age. First of all: the old person relies on the old person to sell the old person, always maintaining his desire for power and superiority in the marriage, and ignoring the changes in needs caused by the growth of the other party. Secondly: The young person develops a serious dependence on his child, and always follows his own whims and whims, or the two are tit-for-tat in marriage and refuse to give in to each other. Again: Women and men with Electra and Oedipus complexes want to divorce their psychological father and mother when marriage cures their problems or their Electra and Oedipus complexes are sufficiently compensated. Only then does the age gap constitute a marital problem.