In surveys by psychologists and marriage counselors, in reports by social agencies, and in articles by doctors and lawyers, sexual life problems are ranked first in the lives of other couples. According to surveys by relevant personnel, there were many factors that caused disharmony in family life in the past, but the incoordination of sexual life between husband and wife accounted for 50% of the many factors causing conflicts between husband and wife. Disharmony in sexual life causes couples to suffer day and night. In mild cases, they complain to each other, and in severe cases, they file for divorce. So, how can we make our sex life harmonious, especially in adulthood?

1. Sexual desire and sex life

Sexual desire is an individual's desire for sexual needs. According to foreign reports, men have the strongest sexual desire between the ages of 17 and 18, and women around 35 years old. The situation in our country shows that there are great individual differences in sexual desire in adulthood. Some are gradually weakening, some are gradually increasing, and some are basically unchanged.

Sexual desire and sexual performance are both distinct and related. Although some people have sexual desire, their sexual ability is low. Adult men generally have sexual intercourse 3-6 times a month, and the duration of each sexual intercourse is usually 7-20 minutes. The number of sexual intercourses and the duration of sexual intercourse can reflect the strength of sexual desire and sexual ability. Some people have low sexual ability, and have sexual psychology imbalance and sexual disharmony in their married life, but they usually bury it in their psychology. After a certain period of time, the psychological depression formed will further aggravate the disharmony in their sexual life, and further Increase distress. Due to the influence of traditional concepts and feudal ideas, a large proportion of people in my country are dissatisfied with their sexual life as adults. Therefore, how to adjust their sexual psychology, sexual function and their sexual life physiologically and psychologically is one of the major issues related to the physical and mental health of couples in adulthood.

2. Psychological preparation before married life

Compared with the newlywed period, the degree of sexual intercourse between couples in adulthood has declined. Due to the heavier burden, the intensity of the requirements for sexual life has also weakened, and emotional readjustment is required, among which the adjustment of sexual life is indispensable. . It is mainly reflected in the psychological preparation of couples for sexual life. Both husband and wife should understand under what circumstances it is easy to arouse each other's sexual desire and make them willing to have sex, and how to make each other "synchronized" with themselves.

Generally, sexual demands are more likely to occur under the following circumstances:

One is when you are in a happy mood. When something exciting happens at home or at work, or when both parties feel particularly amiable and lovely for some reason, sexual demands are often easily generated.

Second, when the body is healthy, a healthy body and emotions can easily cheer people up.

Third, the weather is warm and moderate. Too cold or too hot weather will affect people's sexual requirements.

The fourth is when the environment is quiet. The noisy environment around the house will destroy people's mood, cause irritability, and thus affect their sexual life.

The fifth is when accepting external stimulation. For example, certain scenes, certain scenes in movies and TV, and certain plots in novels can easily cause sexual impulses in couples.

After one spouse has a sexual desire, how can he pass it on to his spouse so that his spouse's behavior is "synchronized" with his own? This is the so-called "body love", which is the issue of how to send out sexual signals.

Sexual signals are generally sent through verbal actions and non-verbal actions. Verbal actions are divided into two types: direct and indirect: direct verbal actions are relatively clear, while indirect verbal actions include language and hints, related topics, etc., such as having some conversations about sex with your spouse to stimulate the other party's desire. Sexual desire; or urging the other person to go to bed early as a hint. Non-verbal actions are mostly intimate actions such as kissing, hugging, and touching.

When both sides or one of the couple has sexual needs, the best way to express them is "dumb words". This is a common method used by couples to satisfy their sexual desires. It can express each other's wishes skillfully without worrying about being rejected by the other party and hurting one's own self-esteem. Generally speaking, it is men who use the "dumb language" first. For example, after work, bring a bouquet of flowers to your wife, give your wife a small and exquisite gift, or help your wife wash the dishes, wipe the floor, etc. These actions can make your wife understand his intentions. This kind of "dumb language" between husband and wife, especially between middle-aged couples, is very rich and extensive. A raise of a hand, a lift of a foot, or an affectionate look can accurately express the intention and make the other party deeply understand.

3. Psychological conditions for sexual satisfaction of couples

The sexual life process of couples includes both physiological and psychological reactions. It is never just about satisfying sexual needs. The reason why human sexual behavior is different from that of animals is that it is driven by love. In this process, many complex psychological activities are displayed, making the sexual behavior clear selectivity and directionality, and the possible consequences of this sexual behavior can be foreseen. Among the various factors in the relationship between husband and wife, the relationship between love and sexual behavior should be the closest. Sexual life between husband and wife further increases their feelings for each other and consolidates and develops love.

Scientific research shows that the degree to which a couple is satisfied with their marriage and the level of sexual satisfaction they obtain are mutually influenced. In the life of a couple, if the sexual life is not harmonious and unsatisfactory, it is difficult to feel the happiness of marriage. On the contrary, it is difficult for couples to have a satisfactory sex life if their marriage relationship is not good.

So, how can you achieve sexual satisfaction? What psychological conditions affect sexual satisfaction between couples?

(1) Start from love and achieve emotional integration

Love is the foundation of the relationship between husband and wife. The sexual life between husband and wife comes from love. Two people love each other and finally achieve the greatest satisfaction of sexual requirements through sexual intercourse. It is impossible to obtain spiritual and physical satisfaction from the sexual intercourse life carried out in a bed without love. Similarly, even in a marriage relationship concluded by love, if sexual intercourse is not driven by love, sometimes it is just a release of sexual desire, which is also imperfect and cannot achieve sexual satisfaction.

Sexual behavior is essentially a psychological phenomenon. If the mind is in a state of imbalance, such as fear, worry, tension, worry, disgust, and anger, it will affect the satisfaction of sexual intercourse.

(2) Mutual understanding and cooperation

The intensity of sexual requirements between husband and wife will not be exactly the same, nor will the views on sexual pleasure, frequency of sexual intercourse, sexual preference and other issues be completely consistent. Husband and wife should be considerate of each other and should not be too demanding or forceful of each other. Otherwise there will be no sexual satisfaction.

Both parties should have a consistent understanding of sexual life through learning and communication in life, and understand and accept the different characteristics of each other's sexual responses and preferences, thereby strengthening the ability to provide pleasure to each other.

(3) Maintain mutual attraction

Frequent "expressions of love" between couples are an important factor in maintaining sexual attraction. Love can be expressed in verbal forms, such as "I love you", or in non-verbal forms such as kissing and caressing. This expression should be sincere, not flattery or insincere. The true expression of love can reflect the inner happiness and is a positive evaluation of the other party. It symbolizes the joy of sex and the connection of love, making the sex life of couples natural. Warm and easy to harmonize.

The sexual attraction between husband and wife is also reflected in many aspects. For example, husband and wife should keep their skin and underwear clean, and not be naked in front of their spouse, or be informal; do not have too frequent sexual contact; sleep in separate beds appropriately to make sex more enjoyable. Increased acuity. In addition, both husband and wife should try their best to express their positive qualities and overcome negative qualities, so that the couple can always maintain passionate sex and love, so that sexual satisfaction can be easily achieved.