Men say that because I am good and successful, so many women admire me. They prove their victory with their own achievements (money, status, reputation). Love is just an ornament on the halo of victory, making it shine, splendid and moving.

Most women want their men to be successful. Director Ang Lee's screenwriter Wang Huiling once said: Men's failure to learn, grow and progress is the source of women's pain. When husband and wife don't get along, wives often accuse their husbands of not wanting to make progress, but it's rare to hear men complain like this.

In the traditional "men's society", men who can successfully establish themselves in society must be outstanding and naturally admired. From wealthy men and beautiful women to talented men and beautiful women, they all emphasize the rules of life for men. Of course, in contrast, there is a set of norms that require women to be gentle, courteous, and thrifty. These social standards will naturally be transformed into conditions for mate selection, influencing people's choices in a subtle way, and determining the success or failure of marriage and happiness.

Standards will not be fixed, but the pursuit of improvement is an eternal good quality of men. Even if "housewife" was not a derogatory term in the past, it was not admirable. When it was replaced by "full-time wife", it became the dream of many women and was enviable - behind "full-time wife", there were mostly elite male writers. Support, women are proud of it. But on the other hand, "housewife man" or "full-time husband" is not feasible so far. From being a wife and a shadow a thousand years ago to being well-dressed and well-fed today, for men, the hard indicator of "progress" is indispensable. The detailed performance is as follows: having a certain social status, having a stable and promising job, a prosperous career, having a clear plan for the future, having a positive attitude towards life, and making continuous progress.

The current problem is: there are more and more outstanding women. In comparison, men can’t help but seem lazy and content with the status quo. The quiet tilt of the gender balance makes women on the road to love and marriage anxious.

There are too many examples around us: Those girlfriends who are waiting for marriage are almost all "white-bone spirits" who are both car owners and car owners, but without exception, their hearts belong to no one. I don't think women must enter marriage. Life status depends on personal free choice rather than external pressure. When it comes to being single, some people are happy, while others are terrified and confused. It’s not that girlfriends don’t pursue marriage, they just don’t get it.

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Female A has experienced countless blind dates, introductions from friends, marriage proposals in newspapers, and online relationships. She has a positive and correct attitude, but she is not like that among millions of people. one. Women who are smart and capable often discourage men in their first encounter. It is a kind of well-informed self-confidence after life experience, and more independent confidence. Most mediocre men are afraid of challenges.

Finally, I introduced someone with similar qualifications, but there was no news after the meeting. When I asked her privately, the answer I received was that this woman was arrogant and afraid that she would not be able to "raise" her. They don’t want you to raise them either. What man accepts being vulnerable in front of a woman? I understand that the so-called strength includes a series of contents ranging from intelligence and physical strength to social status, economic foundation, etc. When the two are evenly matched, men often lack the confidence to retreat in the face of difficulties.

Girl B has announced to the world that she is getting married, but as a result, relatives and friends who have prepared red envelopes are waiting for the bad news of parting ways. The girlfriend confessed: At the last moment, I couldn't convince myself to marry him. Originally, the purpose of getting married was to give an account to the parents, but when the girlfriend thought about having children after marriage, she suddenly questioned whether the groom-to-be could afford it. Yes, she has a high salary, and the man's income is average. When she thinks about having to support a family and children in the future, she can't help but feel timid. Why should I have to carry a baggage when I live a good life as a single aristocrat? If your living situation does not improve with marriage, why bother entering this besieged city?

The role positioning and behavioral norms that have been shaped in accordance with social norms for a long time exist in the form of unspoken rules, which have deeply rooted in the different mentality of men and women when facing marriage and family life, and have not been completely changed due to "gender equality".

Marriage is a woman's reliance. If this reliance is not strong enough, it will make women feel too insecure. It is not only material, but also spiritual growth. In a multi-dimensional space composed of economic ability, personality, spiritual thoughts, etc., it supports a woman's ideal love marriage.

So, when women choose marriage, they tend to choose someone better than themselves; therefore, women lament: Marrying well is not as good as doing well. Men never make this comparison.

Men say that because I am good and successful, so many women admire me. They prove their victory with their own achievements (money, status, reputation). Love is just an ornament on the halo of victory, making it shine, splendid and moving.

The woman said, I married an excellent man, so I am successful. They saw their own extraordinaryness from an outstanding image. They use each other's excellence to verify their own value.

As bystanders, we never think that a man’s success lies in the fact that his wife is excellent; on the contrary, we think that no matter how outstanding a woman is, if her man is useless, she will most likely be unlucky. What makes a woman great is that she makes a great man. These public judgments, which may not be correct, directly affect women's happiness.

When women pursue advancement and demand men, they are projecting themselves onto each other. They regard themselves as a mirror, hoping that the reflected man will be outstanding. This is also a kind of narcissism - loving yourself by loving the image in the mirror. The more perfect the image, the more successful and outstanding you are. Not everyone can get rid of the influence of "images". They will impose their own expectations on each other, and judge the quality of their marriage based on whether these expectations are realized or not.

The ability to love is actually to see clearly the distance between expectations and reality, and to accept the real person. In marriage, what we need to determine is not only the value of our own existence, but also not to judge our own success or failure based on the gains and losses of the other person. Fortunately or unfortunately, it does not depend on whether a man is aggressive or not, but on the same attitude towards life and mutual recognition and acceptance.

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