In recent online discussions, the relationship between personality and sex has been a hot topic. Feng Xuandong, a counselor at China Marriage and Love Psychology Network, and Lin Zi, director of Shanghai Lin Zi Psychological Counseling Center, believe: "A considerable number of people's sexual problems are caused by personality, and there are three most typical ones."

In fact, obeying everything is Avoidance

26-year-old Xiaoqing would blush whenever she saw someone of the opposite sex. After her wedding, she didn’t even dare to breathe in front of her husband. However, within a year, the two divorced. It turned out that her husband couldn't stand her crying after every sex.

Xiao Qing grew up in a rural area. Affected by her parents' patriarchal mentality, she believed that she was humble and should obey her husband in everything and not have her own ideas. Sex for her was nothing but sacrifice and fear. Unfortunately, her husband did not notice her state of mind, and her "tricks" became more and more frequent, which made her feel extremely frightened and even made her cry. She felt she was being "bullied" but had nowhere to tell her.

In Lin Zi’s consulting experience, there are many women who have this avoidant personality to varying degrees. This is related to the fact that parents have allowed them to establish the concept that sex is "unclean" since they were young, which can easily lead to their avoidance and fear of sex in adulthood.

What’s even more frightening is that once there is a conflict over sex, people with this type of personality will always imply to themselves that the problem must be with themselves, and that women are inherently inferior to men. Otherwise, they will blame themselves for not recognizing the other person clearly and finding the wrong partner, and quickly withdraw from the so-called "destructive" sexual relationship.

Lin Zi believes that in order to save this kind of relationship between the sexes, it is necessary to systematically desensitize women and help them change their sexual concepts step by step. Starting from asking wives to help their husbands undress, they will gradually reduce their sensitivity to the opposite sex. feeling of anxiety. Once you are completely relieved of the body of the opposite sex, the relationship between husband and wife can return to normal.

Behind the reserve is narcissism

In Feng Xuandong’s memory, there was such a phone consultation that he could not forget.

That was a shy man who didn’t understand why he couldn’t satisfy his newlywed wife. I wanted to see an andrologist but I was hesitant because he never had problems masturbating. His wife's complaints made him feel that he was "not like a man", and even psychological consultation could only be conducted over the phone.

After only hearing a general outline, Feng Xuandong realized that this was another case of marital conflict caused by narcissistic personality.

People with narcissistic personality often have almost all superior conditions: a stellar upbringing, a favored family environment since childhood, a high degree of education, and an excellent partner. They pay more attention to themselves and feel less about other people's feelings, and the same is true in sex life. They may even make unrealistic demands based on their own ideas and force the other party to accept them. Once the other party refuses, or cannot complete it, the sexual life will fall into a vicious circle of "the more demands, the more dissatisfaction".

" The sexual conflicts caused by narcissism are difficult to resolve. Unless he gets psychological counseling and truly learns to be considerate of others. Because this is a personality defect, the ability to experience being loved is very low. How to love He can't be satisfied."

Always suspected of having an affair

"If he is not at the company, he must be walking around at home anxiously waiting for his wife." Feng Xuandong used this. One sentence describes 30-year-old Mr. Luo.

Mr. Luo, like his wife, is a "strong man" who refuses to admit defeat at work. However, my wife seems to be more successful at work and often flies here and there for business trips and meetings. Every time she comes back, she always looks tired and somewhat resistant to Mr. Luo's enthusiasm that "a break is better than a wedding".

At first, Mr. Luo could understand his wife's hard work, but as time went by, the idea that "his wife was having an affair" began to appear uncontrollably in his mind. Even if he could not seize the evidence, he would like to see himself as a victim, behave like a victim in his sexual life, and constantly test his wife with various languages.

Unconsciously, the sexual foreplay turned into insults and sarcasm. Finally, the wife couldn't bear it anymore and proposed separation.

" People with paranoid personalities are extremely sensitive but have stubborn and rigid thoughts. If they start a family, they will often suspect that their spouse is unfaithful. Therefore, it is very easy to harm their partners in sexual life, and even have sexual abuse tendencies. " For In this case, Feng Xuandong's prescription was: People must learn tolerance and trust. Since you are married, you must give all your trust to your wife. This article comes from adult.6kmall.com and is published by netizens. This site only quotes it for reference. It does not mean that this site agrees with the views of the article. If you believe that the content and intellectual property rights of this article infringe upon your interests, please contact us.