According to the survey, most of the disharmony in the sexual life of couples is not due to disease or physiological disorder, nor is it a psychological problem. It is often due to one or both parties having some misunderstandings in sexual concepts, which leads to specific behavioral contradictions and conflict. Here, let’s first talk about some of the most common misunderstandings about sexual concepts among Chinese men.

1. Overemphasis on the number and frequency of sexual life

There is a public opinion among men that the more sexual intercourse the more qualified the man is and the more masculine he is; The wife will be more satisfied and happier. On the other hand, husbands who do it less often are said to be "unable to serve (or deal with) their wives" and are considered "not manly enough".

In fact, most wives do not think so. Compared with emotional communication and sexual life, according to an expert survey of 1,279 couples in 31 large and medium-sized cities (the following figures are all based on this survey), 78% The wife values ​​the former more than the latter.

Compared with the simple number of sexual life and the quality of sexual life (how many orgasms the wife can get from it), 85% of wives prefer high quality rather than large quantity.

Men’s sexual life practice is not “the more the better”. Between the ages of 30 and 35, more than half of husbands experience that their sexual needs have actually changed quietly, from needing large quantities to seeking high quality, hoping for deeper emotional communication and experience.

Because of this, if a man conceptually believes that the frequency of sexual life is the main measure of marital harmony, or even the only criterion, then he is likely to make two behavioral mistakes.

First, he may ignore or deny his wife’s emotional needs, simplify sex life and turn it into a series of actions. In severe cases, he may greatly damage his wife’s personality and emotions.

In fact, the frequency of a man’s sexual life is basically determined by his physiological condition and age. It is similar for all nationalities in the world, and almost every man will have periods of less sexual intercourse in his life. And some periods are so many that it is impossible to talk about the question "how many times should there be?" A man's sexual charm mainly lies in his mature personality, considerate and broad-mindedness and deep emotional persistence. If you don't pay attention to the cultivation of these aspects, but only care about or brag about the frequency of sex, it will be difficult for men to get rid of the misunderstandings in their sexual life.

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2. Overemphasis on the role of sexual techniques

In the specific circumstances of a specific couple, extremely appropriate sexual techniques will have a beneficial effect. But we must not forget that sexual skills must have four most fundamental prerequisites: First, both husband and wife must be absolutely willing and truly needed. Otherwise, it will not only violate the other party's personal dignity, but also cause psychological harm to both parties, and it will definitely not produce good results. Secondly, the relationship between husband and wife must be quite good. Third, the level of sexual knowledge and attitudes of both parties must be very consistent. Fourth, the sexual techniques used must have undergone rigorous scientific testing and proven their scope of applicability in clinical medicine. Any inconsistency between husband and wife's feelings and knowledge, any hearsay and half-knowledge, will have the opposite adverse effect on sexual skills.

What’s particularly important is that sexual techniques alone cannot create feelings of love and concern, nor can they fully communicate. In our country, at least half of the wives neither need nor appreciate their husband's sexual skills. They are especially disgusted with their husbands treating themselves as some kind of "tool" or "stage" where men can blindly "use" or "perform". In this case, couples will only become increasingly estranged, indifferent and even conflicted.

Every happy couple knows that the most advanced and versatile "sexual skills" are actually not actions but the heart. It is to pour and condense the true feelings of love, attachment, intimacy and care as much as possible in sex life.

3. An overly narrow understanding of sexual life

In the sexual life of couples, men will eventually ejaculate, but this is neither the entire content of sexual life nor its primary goal. Sex life is a vehicle for expressing love. It must include a mental preparation stage in advance, and the final result depends largely on whether the preparation stage is appropriate and sufficient.

Some husbands regard their physiological process as the first priority and cannot be adjusted, and the result is often too eager, crude and simple. Among urban couples in my country, 1/4 have never kissed each other, and more than half have never kissed deeply; 41%-53% do not touch their wives at all. But at the same time, 83% of people think that their marriage is very satisfactory or relatively satisfactory.

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