When the intimate relationship between husband and wife is on the rocks, this "rock" often appears in the bedroom. Research shows that in a happy marriage, sex only contributes 15% of happiness, while in unhappy relationships, 85% of the dissatisfaction comes from sex. When one partner wants to do something but the other doesn't, should you say "yes" or "no"?

The advice of marriage experts is: as long as one party makes an invitation, the answer must be: OK, OK, OK.

When high needs meet low needs: women have less sexual needs than men

In the early days of their marriage, Kate and Jack were deeply infatuated with each other's smiles, and their sex was great at that time. Kate loves sex as much as Jack does. What she didn't realize was that after her son was born, she didn't enjoy sex as much as before.

At first, she thought it was because taking care of the baby was too hard, so Jack helped with the baby more, getting up at night to feed and change diapers. Kate did feel a lot more relaxed, but she still didn't want to have sex. Later, they asked their elders to help take care of the children one night a week, and they went out to eat and watch movies to enjoy their time together. But it didn't do much for her low sex drive either.

The longer Jack went without sex, the more sullen and silent he became, and the more fussy and complaining Kate became. Sometimes she wanted to show some affection, and then Jack started asking for sex, which always ended in a fight.

Within a few years, the frequency of their sex dropped from several times a week to just a few times a year. In the end, they had to go to the doctor. A saliva test found that Kate's testosterone levels were low and Jack's was high, which explained why Jack often wanted to do it and she didn't.

Women with low needs: sex is important to their relationship

People like Jack with moderate or above sexual needs, regardless of gender, have a relatively low ignition point and are easily aroused by small stimulations. For them, it is not particularly difficult to have sexual desire, and it is easy to reach climax step by step. If they do not have sex for a long time, they will feel very uncomfortable psychologically and physically. This discomfort is difficult for a low-needs person to understand because he or she does not experience and feel the same way.

It must be known that people with high needs will have very strong discomfort if they are not satisfied for a long time, such as: the body feels tight, sleep problems, restlessness, difficulty relaxing, and more and more sexual thoughts come to mind. , sex began to become extremely important, and many ideas were distorted.

People with low needs should take responsibility for their partner's sexual needs and note the importance of sex to him and to your relationship. Focus on what you give in sex rather than what you gain in intimacy. You also feel genuinely happy when you please the other person.

Men with high needs: Please arouse your partner’s sexual needs

People like Kate with low sexual needs tend to have a relatively high ignition point. What can activate them may be the highest level of sexual stimulation, which is sex itself. In other words, in order for them to "think", they must first "do".

It must be understood that for people with low needs, getting the body excited is not an easy task and requires concentration and time. Just imagine this scene: you work for 10 hours, drive home for 40 minutes on a traffic jam, cook and wash the dishes, put the children to bed, and wash 3 buckets of clothes - this is when you desire the most The only thing is to go to bed quickly. You push open the bedroom door and find that there is a 30-meter wire rope leading to the bed, and your partner is already on the bed, passionate and impatient.

If he says: "Come and satisfy me." How would you react? What if he said, "Let me help you pass this 30-meter wire rope"?

People with high sexual needs take responsibility for their partner's intimacy needs, which means: "non-sexual" touching and contact, smiling, eye contact, sweet talk (but nothing sexual), asking him or her " How was your day?" Tell him or her something that made him or her happy or unhappy today, and take on more household chores.

Suggestion: Say "yes" first when you encounter a request

At any time, as long as one party makes a sexual request, the other party should try to satisfy it. This statement may be exciting to someone with a high libido and scary to someone with a low libido.

In fact, once sexual needs are stably satisfied, sex is no longer an important thing. The anxiety of being deprived of sex, the anxiety of making excuses, and the guilt towards the other person will all disappear, and the intimate relationship will be improved.

Kate and Jack later adopted this approach. At first, Jack was more demanding than Kate, but after two weeks, the frequency of their sex decreased, and eventually, they couldn't even remember how many times a week or month they had sex, they just had sex happily and spontaneously, but it wasn't Another extremely important thing.

Perhaps in Chinese-style marriages, more looming crises arise from the economy and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Sexual satisfaction and experience are always suppressed.

Sexual unhappiness leads to crisis, sexual harmony reverses crisis. As the old saying goes, "A quarrel at the head of the bed makes peace at the end of the bed." If the misfortune between husband and wife happens, you may try to use "sex" to redeem it.

10 tips to effectively improve the quality of your sexual life

1. Don’t wait for orgasm. When women find it difficult to reach orgasm, they may wish to try other sexual lifestyles, such as self-touch stimulation, reading paintings and calligraphy with sexual content, etc. This may be helpful.

2. There should be appropriate sexual fantasies. In this way, the sexual pleasure of both parties can be increased.

3. Don’t bring dissatisfaction into your sexual life. If you do not cooperate with the other person in your sexual life or temporarily suspend your sexual life due to temporary quarrels, sulking, and grumbling, etc., it will bring hidden dangers to your future sexual life.

4. Take responsibility for your own sexual pleasure. Mainly for wives, wives have the right to make active requests for their own sexual pleasure. When you are not in good spirits or in good health, you should politely refuse your husband. In your sexual life, you must find pleasure for yourself and work hard to make your husband understand your needs.

5. A harmonious daily life helps to promote a happy sexual life. In daily life, husband and wife take care of each other and understand each other, which is the best way to strengthen the relationship between husband and wife, harmonize their mood, and enhance their intimacy.

6. Constantly change the way you have sex. Using one method for a long time can easily lead to boredom. Both parties should continue to innovate and can try different times, different environments, different locations, different postures, etc.

7. If you have any sexual life problems, you should consult an expert promptly. If one party has sexual problems, they should not be too shy to hide the problem and avoid medical treatment, otherwise it will bring more family troubles.

8. Don’t strive for perfection every time. Some people (especially men) always expect every sexual life to be perfect, otherwise they either blame themselves or the other person. You know, even experts in this field cannot achieve perfection every time.

9. Don’t take temporary sexual failure too seriously. Temporary impotence in men and occasional inability to reach orgasm in women are normal phenomena and do not need to be taken to mind all the time to avoid anxiety, tension, etc., which will have a negative impact on future sexual life.

10. Create a harmonious sexual environment. A harmonious sexual environment has a positive effect on the satisfaction of sexual life. Messy living rooms, noise interference, and lack of isolation facilities will seriously affect the quality and quantity of sexual life.