Are you destined to commit suicide? When your peach blossoms are blooming, which category do you classify your love? Do you know the psychological needs behind your relationship? I hope you will get the correct answers under the guidance of psychological experts, so as to firmly grasp the core driving force of "sustainable development of love".

The desire for "one-night stand" is human nature

"One-night stand" generally refers to the situation between a man and a woman in a specific situation due to temporary feelings, impulses, love or the need to relieve loneliness. sexual behavior. American sociologist John defines "one-night stand" as: sexual behavior based on human animal sexual attraction. It ignores the norms that lovers should abide by when getting along, such as character, quality, cultivation, etc. The essential difference between "one-night stand" and prostitution is that the former is for the satisfaction of the sexual and psychological desires of both men and women, while the latter is for the satisfaction of one party's sexual desires. It is essentially a money transaction.

According to Freud's psychoanalytic theory, the desire for "one-night stand" originates from the call of the "id" and is the expression of human nature. Freud once pointed out in "The Future of an Illusion" that "man is an imbecile creature dominated by instinctive desires." Therefore, it is natural for people to desire "one-night stand". According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, sex is the satisfaction of human primitive needs, which exists at any time and without choice; while love is a high-level spiritual pursuit of human beings, which occurs under specific circumstances and is also there are choices. Maslow once said: "An important aspect that distinguishes humans from animals is that they have self-control." Therefore, heartbeat does not equal action. Under most conditions, people can restrain the impulsive desire for "one-night stand".

There are four types of "one-night stands"

"One-night stands" can be roughly divided into four types based on different psychological motivations.

Sex-induced one-night stand: Out of sexual instinct, one has a great fondness for a person of the opposite sex and desires intimate contact. The behavior is characterized by actively seducing the other party, waiting for the other party to respond positively, and expecting continued intimate contact.

Revenge-type one-night stand: Out of emotional injury, one has great resentment towards the person one loves (has), and hopes to make up for one's spiritual pain through sexual intercourse with others. The behavior is characterized by actively seducing someone of the opposite sex that one likes, expecting the other party to respond positively, but not necessarily expecting continued intimate contact.

Confused one-night stand: due to anxiety, great discomfort with a specific environment, feeling very confused, and longing for the comfort and warmth of the opposite sex. The behavior is half-satisfied and half-satisfied, eager to obtain the satisfaction of sensory stimulation to fill the inner emptiness.

Suggestive one-night stand: derived from situational suggestion, with great curiosity and expectation for sexual suggestion in a specific situation, and eager to try it. The behavior is half-prompt, and the "one-night stand" is pursued as a fashionable, popular or submissive behavior.

A prominent example of a sexually induced one-night stand was when the famous Chinese actor Jin Shan visited a certain country in 1951. Jin Shan was very excited about the meeting with the leader and said on the spot that he would conduct a good interview and write a good movie. The leader greatly appreciated this and asked his beautiful female secretary to serve as a tour guide and translator for Jinshan. But not long after, the two were found to have "made the mistake of going to bed." The leader was furious and ordered the female secretary to be shot. Since Jinshan was Chinese, he was handed over to Chinese leaders. Zhou Enlai ordered Jinshan to be escorted back to Beijing for processing. After returning to Beijing, Jinshan was expelled from the party, revoked from his administrative position, and placed under quarantine review. Thanks to the tolerance and protection of Jinshan's wife, Sun Weishi, Jinshan was spared the fate of complete decentralization. In December 1967, Jiang Qing still threw Jinshan into prison on the charge of "special suspicion". He was not completely liberated until the fall of the "Gang of Four".

A prominent example of revengeful one-night stands is the claim by Simone, a close friend of former British Princess Diana, that Diana had a one-night stand with John F. Kennedy Jr., the son of former US President John F. Kennedy. In 1995, Diana traveled to the United States to attend royal events. Kennedy Jr. had just founded George magazine and wanted to expand its influence by interviewing Diana. Diana declined JFK's request for an interview, but agreed to meet with him. Unexpectedly, when the tall and handsome little Kennedy appeared in front of Diana, she suddenly felt her heart beat. And little Kennedy was also excited by Princess Diana's sexy dress. According to Simone's account, Diana said afterwards: "We started talking, talking about one topic after another, and finally we went to bed. It was all magic chemistry." At this time, Diana had not yet divorced Charles. Prior to this, Charles publicly admitted his betrayal of the marriage on television, and Diana wanted to take revenge. The appearance of young Kennedy gave her a chance to take revenge.

A prominent example of a confusing one-night stand is the famous American player O'Neal's statement that he had a "passionate night" with supermodel Cindy Crawford. At that time, Cindy had just broken up with Hollywood star Richard Gere, whom she had been married to for four years, due to differences over the pregnancy of a child. This made her confused, frustrated, depressed, and in urgent need of comfort and consideration from others. At this time, O'Neal had just joined the NBA's Orlando Magic and was in high spirits. The two met and hit it off, leading to a one-night romance. After that, they did not renew their passion, as if nothing had happened.

A prominent example of suggestive one-night stands is the American cult leader David, who once used the name of the cult leader to induce all the adult women in his estate to have sexual relations with him. In the end, he was hunted by the government for hiding weapons. In order to avoid arrest, David ordered everyone to run into the thick flames and commit suicide. David claimed to be Jesus' helper, able to bring believers to eternal deliverance. He also proclaimed himself a living prophet, claiming, "If the Bible is true, then I am Jesus Christ." He took advantage of the believers' desire to have extraordinary abilities to rule them and establish a cult of personality. He deceived female believers and said that when the end of the world comes, he will lead everyone to heaven and kill the unbelievers. Many female believers were moved by his lies and approached David one after another, and were proud to sleep with him.

"One-night stand": from the "high-end" of the niche to the "low-end" of the public

According to relevant psychological and sociological research, among the above four types, sexual temptation is The type accounts for about 60%, the revenge type accounts for about 20%, and the confusing type and suggestive type each account for about 15%. In terms of education level ratio, sociologist Li Yinhe once said that "one-night stand" should be a common phenomenon in industrial society and urban society. Indeed, a "one-night stand" without the constraints of love and marriage, as long as it is consensual, does not harm others, and does not affect society, cannot be considered a violation of ethics; however, a "one-night stand" with the constraints of love and marriage will have other consequences for love and marriage. Varying degrees of harm caused by one party will bring serious consequences to the family and even society.

Xia Xueluan, a professor of sociology at Peking University, pointed out that "one-night stands" are more common among people with higher academic qualifications because it is mainly spread online. At the same time, the more highly educated people are, the more they can rationalize their behavior. explanation to achieve psychological balance. Zhu Jianjun, a psychologist at Beijing Forestry University, also pointed out that judging from the people he interacts with, most of the people who have "one-night stands" are white-collar workers. The reason is that these people get married late, and some are even afraid of getting married, but they need sex, so they look for sexual partners. In addition, there are some people who choose the free way because their lives have changed greatly. They are in Beijing today and Shanghai tomorrow and cannot establish a stable marriage.

Recently, a one-night stand survey report on mobile phone users initiated by a well-known domestic website shows that one-night stands are developing towards younger and lower-level ones. As a result, one-night stands are moving from niche to "high-end" through various channels. Popular "low-end". According to the survey, the groups prone to one-night stands are mainly students and migrant workers from other places. Experts analyze that most people who are prone to one-night stands are seeking excitement. First of all, because they have no clear goals in life, they hope to get rid of the emptiness of life through irresponsible sex. Such behavior may eventually develop into what is known in psychology. of "sex addicts." Furthermore, due to the gradual opening of sexual culture, the binding ability of traditional morality has become weaker, and people's attitude towards sex has become more open. However, due to their lack of ability to distinguish right from wrong and lack of self-control, migrant workers and students are easily attracted by "one-night stands" lure.

The myth of "one-night stand": It relieves anxiety and depression, but it cannot solve many personal crises

To sum up, "one-night stand" can only temporarily relieve certain anxiety and depression, but it cannot relieve it permanently. In other words, while "one-night stand" satisfies a person's physical desires, it also deceives a person's soul. Therefore, the idea that a man and a woman will develop feelings and even get married after a one-night stand is mostly self-deception.

What’s more, “one-night stand” can cause many personal crises, such as moral crisis and self-condemnation for indulgence. Especially for people with families, “one-night stand” is a kind of psychological crisis. It is a fresh spice of life, but it can also trigger self-psychological crisis and family crisis. Not long ago, there was a book that went viral called "Breaking Up After Dawn", which tells the true story of 19 urban women's "one-night stands". Some of them are addicted to indulgence, and some are temporarily out of control; some regret it after the indulgence, and some are indifferent to it.

French sexologist Alain Escher pointed out that men’s desire is more affected by body chemistry and needs to be vented at the right time, while women’s desire is more affected by the brain and needs to be fully paved. Therefore, what men seek in a "one-night stand" is excitement and freshness, while women seek affection and hope. In other words, when men try "one-night stands", most of their endings are a dot, with sex as the starting point and end point; while when women try "one-night stands," their endings are mostly like a triangle, with sex, love, and self-protection each on one side.

The famous American marriage counselor Gray has a view that "men drill holes, women dig wells." That is to say, when a man encounters a setback, the first thing he thinks of is to escape, just like hiding in a hole, and then slowly recovers; when a woman encounters a setback, the first thing she thinks of is asking for help, like sinking at the bottom of a well. Waiting for rescue, eager to get understanding and comfort from others. Therefore, the purpose of "one-night stand" is often not the sex itself, but to relieve tense emotions. In fact, physiological research also shows that when people are in a stressful situation, sex hormones will be activated and sexual desire will also increase. I'm afraid only the conscience of both men and women knows best what a "one-night stand" will bring to the parties concerned.

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