Case: Recently, a reader wrote in a letter to express his bitterness, saying that he had two girlfriends, but he was upset because she was not a virgin and even wanted to commit suicide. He wrote in the letter: "I love her (first girlfriend) very much. I have been unwilling to accept the fact (she is not a virgin). I think about it all day long. I used to be cheerful and lively, but it turns out that every day "I didn't want to leave."

"Later I got a girlfriend. She was a good person and had a good personality. She was an ideal marriage partner, but she was not a virgin either. I originally thought I could accept this fact. , but I still couldn't accept it later. I was unhappy all day long because she was not a virgin. I always thought about how great it would be if she were a virgin..."

Psychologists pointed out that this friend's psychological problems The fierce contradiction comes from the inner "virgin complex", which reflects the male's desire to conquer and the sense of success. For men with a desire for possession, having a woman's first night means owning everything about her. "Virgin complex" reflects the subconscious mind of men that lacks self-confidence, security and pursues perfection. Teacher Zheng also introduced how men should deal with this situation.

The "virgin complex" reflects three types of subconsciousness in men

1. Lack of self-confidence.

He subconsciously worries that he is not strong enough and will become the loser, so he refuses to be compared. When a lover has sexual experience with other men, the potential danger of sexual comparison hangs over him and becomes a huge pressure.

2. Fear and lack of security.

If your partner has the sexual imprint of another man, she may already be someone else’s private property. It is safe to eliminate these possibilities. Possessing everything of your lover, including the past, present and future, can eliminate fear and satisfy the need for security.

3. Pursue perfection.

Neither your love history nor your partner should be flawed. Such a person is also very picky and rigorous in his daily life and work. He has excessive demands for everything and puts heavy pressure on himself.

How to adjust the psychology of "virgin complex"?

1. Face your girlfriend’s love for you.

When a man is not confident, he actually does not see clearly: after his girlfriend has been in love, she still chooses to be with him, which proves that in her heart, other men are not as good as this man. .

2. Recognize your own shortcomings.

When men feel that non-virgins have imperfect regrets, they should look at themselves. They cannot always be perfect and spotless, and they will also have other shortcomings. Rather than being unable to escape from the pressure of seeking perfection, it is better to accept some regrets and focus on enjoying the happiness of other advantages.

3. Understand, tolerate and cherish each other.

For two people to walk a lifetime together, they not only need to love each other's strengths, but also need to understand her weaknesses and tolerate her past. Life is a process of continuous growth. It doesn't matter what you experience. It is the most important thing to learn to cherish love through experience and have the ability to make your marriage happy. It is not appropriate to let the "past" ruin the pleasant "now". The hymen is not more important than a lifetime of marital happiness.

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