Surveys show that most of the disharmony in the sexual life of couples is not due to disease or physiological disorder, nor is it a psychological problem. It is often due to certain misunderstandings in sexual concepts of one or both parties, which leads to specific behavioral problems. Contradiction and conflict.

1. Overemphasis on the number and frequency of sex

There is a public opinion among men that the more times they have sex, the more qualified and masculine the man is; The wife will be more satisfied and happier. On the other hand, husbands who do it less often are said to be "unable to serve (or deal with) their wives" and are considered "not manly enough".

In fact, most wives do not think so. Compared with emotional communication and sexual life, according to an expert survey of 1,279 couples in 31 large and medium-sized cities (the following figures are all based on this survey), 78% The wife values ​​the former more than the latter. Compared with the simple number of sexual life and the quality of sexual life (how many orgasms the wife can get from it), 85% of wives prefer high quality rather than large quantity.

Men’s sexual life practice is not “the more the better”. Between the ages of 30 and 35, more than half of husbands experience that their sexual needs have actually changed quietly, from needing large quantities to seeking high quality, hoping for deeper emotional communication and experience.

For this reason, if a man conceptually believes that the frequency of sexual life is the main measure of harmony between a couple, or even the only criterion, then he is likely to make two behavioral mistakes.

First, he may ignore or deny his wife's emotional needs, simplify sex life and turn it into a series of actions, which may seriously damage his wife's personality and emotions.

Secondly, he may inadvertently increase his psychological burden. Once he gets older, or encounters special circumstances by chance and cannot maintain the high frequency he thinks he has, he will suspect that he has the "disease" of "impotence" or "premature ejaculation", and will fear that he will "sorry his wife", or even treat his entire body. Doubts or disappointments about personality and life goals. As a result, the stronger you are, the less you can withstand accidents.

In fact, the frequency of a man’s sexual life is basically determined by his physiological condition and age. It is similar among all ethnic groups in the world, and almost every man has periods of less sexual activity in his life. And some periods are so many that it is impossible to talk about the question "how many times should there be?" The human charm of a man mainly lies in his mature personality, understanding, broad mind and deep emotional persistence. If you don't pay attention to the cultivation of these aspects, but only care about or brag about the frequency of sex, it will be difficult for men to get rid of the misunderstandings in their sexual life.

2. Overemphasis on the role of sexual techniques

In specific circumstances of specific couples, extremely appropriate sexual techniques will have a beneficial effect. But we must not forget that sexual skills must have four most fundamental prerequisites:

First of all, both husband and wife must be absolutely willing and truly needed. Otherwise, it will not only violate the other party's personal dignity, but also cause psychological harm to both parties, and it will definitely not produce good results.

Secondly, the relationship between husband and wife must be quite good.

Third, the level of sexual knowledge and attitudes of both parties must be very consistent.

Fourth, the sexual techniques used must have undergone rigorous scientific testing and proven their scope of applicability in clinical medicine. Any inconsistency between husband and wife's feelings and knowledge, any hearsay and half-knowledge, will have the opposite adverse effect on sexual skills.

What is particularly important is that sexual techniques themselves cannot create feelings of love and concern, nor can they fully communicate and communicate. In our country, at least half of the wives neither need nor appreciate their husband's sexual skills. They are especially disgusted with their husbands treating themselves as some kind of "tool" or "stage" where men can blindly "use" or "perform". In this case, couples will only become increasingly estranged, indifferent and even conflicted.

Every happy couple knows that the most advanced and versatile "sexual skills" are actually not actions but the heart. It is to pour and condense the true feelings of love, attachment, intimacy and care as much as possible in sex life.

3. Overly narrow understanding of sexual life

In the sexual life of couples, men will eventually ejaculate, but this is neither the entire content of sexual life nor its primary goal. Sex life is a vehicle for expressing love. It must include a mental preparation stage in advance, and the final result depends largely on whether the preparation stage is appropriate and sufficient.

Some husbands regard their physiological process as the first priority and cannot be adjusted, and the result is often too eager, rough and simple. Among urban couples in my country, 1/4 have never kissed each other, more than half have never had a deep kiss, and 41% to 53% have never touched their wives at all. But at the same time, 83% of people think that their marriage is very satisfactory or relatively satisfactory.

It can be seen that it is not that the husband does not love his wife, but that he does not know how to love. He overemphasizes the final physiological result and ignores the process of emotional preparation. A horizontal comparison shows that almost 100% of couples with high education and high emotions have engaged in almost all kinds of caressing behaviors and often do so. They truly view sex as a life, as "making love" rather than completing physiological tasks. This is undoubtedly beneficial to the stability and quality of marriage and is worth promoting.

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