Nowadays, women are more likely to express their thoughts freely, even if it is erotic secrets, while men are just the opposite. They are simply mouthless gourds, always letting women figure out each other's "sexual thoughts" without saying anything. "It's just a car running on two roads, and to you, his thoughts and behavior are simply inexplicable...

Women's doubts: Is he dissatisfied with himself when he loses his "sexual interest"?

"I never thought that the reasons for his irritability, boredom and shirk about our bed for six months were so unexpected. Last weekend, I called him before getting off work. The phone call said that the weather was so hot, let’s just find a bar and drink some cold beer before going home. We drank more than a dozen bottles of beer that day, and then helped each other go home. Along the way, my drunk husband kept nagging. , saying that he has no ability to help me live a better life. Even though his classmates have promoted him, he is still stuck in the same place. He is a failed man who has lost his passion for everything... He burst into tears, feeling the uncontrollable pain. I was surprised to find that the reason why he lost all interest was that he was deeply dissatisfied with himself. How could things be like this? ——Yang Ge, a 32-year-old music planner

The secret: men’s psychology? Status is inseparable from the success or failure of work. If your husband feels that he is not qualified for work, then he will easily not be qualified for sex. So the worrying thing comes out. Not only is he disappointed in himself, but he also feels that his wife thinks he is a loser. As a result, he will randomly doubt his wife's thoughts and feelings, which will deepen the gap between the two. So you have to believe that his indifference basically has nothing to do with you. If you want to be affectionate, be proactive and let him know you still want him. In fact, once you start making out, he will be willing to discuss his feelings, and don't overly sympathize with him, don't let him feel that you are comforting him like a baby, and treat him as "a male animal who needs to share his pain." He is more helpful.

Women wonder: When he is "incompetent", what does "bossy" mean?

"At midnight, I was sitting alone on the bench downstairs. I was very tired. I didn't know why my life suddenly became a mess, especially our once harmonious sex. For a long time, we had each other. We have made a lot of preparations and efforts for bed, but his performance is always unsatisfactory. But what I don’t understand is why he vents his incompetence on me. He makes a loud and gruff voice. , and then kneaded me hard with his hands, often leaving me bruised and purple. We have always been in love, and he feels distressed every time he sees the scars on my body, but he seems to be unable to control his bossiness. For what?"

——Yu Ziman, 35-year-old hotel manager

The secret solution: The wife never understands how hopeless her husband is when he cannot maintain an erection. And if you kindly tell the dejected person that you don't mind, it may make things more complicated, because the fact that you don't mind will make him very concerned. Even temporary incompetence can cause him to completely lose his dignity and self-confidence. Sex therapy experts provide a "rise and fall exercise method", that is, during sexual intercourse, you stimulate his penis until it becomes erect, then stop stimulating and wait for it to subside before stimulating again. Repeated practice can help couples strengthen the idea that erection and decline are natural and natural phenomena. It does not mean that he is incompetent, nor does it mean that you are no longer attracted to him. The last thing I want to say is that communication full of kindness and humor can often make couples more "sexual". Remember, if you can always be like a group of close partners, there is nothing that can't be overcome.

Women’s doubts: It’s not my “guidance” that makes him at a loss, right?

“As many girlfriends have warned, men need training, especially in bed. Of course I think my husband and I can give it a try. I have read a lot of books and learned from my girlfriends. Finally, I started to implement a complete plan. I would design an atmosphere for my bedroom, and then I would give him specific instructions on all the actions. He tried to follow my instructions. Although the actions were a bit stiff, I was patient enough. . He seemed at a loss, even a little irritable. I did not receive the pre-designed effect, and his mood became more and more depressed. Could it be that my instructions made him not know what to do? ”

Solution: It was your "guidance" that confused him. Sex is a natural pleasure, but women often fail to handle the problem well the first time, leaving their husbands unable to adapt. Too much gesticulation will only increase his feelings of helplessness and routine, rather than sharing happiness. Even if your husband understands your intentions very well, he can't help but think that all this is because he didn't do a good job, so you racked your brains and worked hard. Yes, he may need you to tell him the way to be happy, or show him, but the time and place are crucial, such as breakfast the next day or when the two of you are drinking tea in the evening are good times. Make it clear that you are talking about yourself, not him, and keep the focus on yourself. Start with a sentence like "I would like..." rather than a sentence like "You should..." Your conversations.

Several private thoughts of men:

A. "I hate myself for being at a loss." Sometimes men feel at a loss in bed, such as "How should I caress her?" , she didn’t respond, I feel like a real failure.” And you should also realize that men at this time will not ask for help. At this time, if a woman can help him get through this period of confusion, the next step will be "a new village with bright flowers and dark flowers".

B. "My wife can refuse her irrational suggestions." Some crazy sex ideas may not be suitable for you. Although some ideas are indeed attractive, men themselves know that they are impossible to achieve, and it is even more incredible behavior for women. So when faced with such a proposal, it is best for women to firmly refuse.

C. "Sometimes I need her to be my speed reducer." Just like driving a car, men's sex also seems to pursue speed, but they are unable to control it. At this time, they need your help. Helped.

D. "I really hope my wife can come up with some bold ideas." Although most men know that women are naturally more conservative about sex, they hope this is not true, just like a male friend said: If my I’m crazy about women who can make anything in our living spaces sexy.

E. "It's really a blow to me not to have sex for so long." Women must realize that sex is necessary for men regardless of load conditions. Maybe you stopped having sex for a few months for various reasons, and he may understand that, but not having sex for a long time can only be a blow to him. So be sure to pay attention to whether the frequency of sex you have is too low.

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