The first 3 years of marriage are the running-in period, the 7th year is the dangerous period, and 10 years later is the burnout period. The marriage age of 40-year-old men and 37-year-old women is generally about 10 years. In the first two or three years, everyone is in the running-in period and is still tolerant; when they are six or seven years old, they all know that it is very dangerous, so they are cautious; After 10 years, everyone feels that the other person is like their right and left hand, thinking that family affection has replaced love, so small things that were not a problem before will be brought up to make noises. There are too many small quarrels, which are very hurtful. In addition, after being married for 10 years, the couple has become very different in appearance and behavior from when they got married. Their personalities, outlook on life, outlook on money, attitude towards educating children, ways of handling stress, etc. Differences will be exposed without reservation during this period, and any one of these problems can be enough to paralyze a marriage.

External temptation causes infidelity

After 10 years of ups and downs in a marriage, the passion gradually fades away. If the mentality of both parties to the marriage is not adjusted in time, it may create opportunities for an affair to occur.

40-year-old men have overcome the naivety and fanaticism of young people and have the talents and experience of middle-aged people. They also have the wisdom to assess the situation. On the one hand, these mature performances allow them to continue to stand out in their careers and attract the admiration of young people of the opposite sex. ; On the other hand, it will make them increasingly unable to be satisfied with their original stable marital status and hope to seek new changes. If the wife does not adjust her state in time at this time, the middle-aged man will be attracted to the young women around him and have an affair. Many of them will even ask their wives for divorce.

After the passion subsides, there are two types of behaviors for women in their thirties and forties. One type of people, like men, are not satisfied with the status quo. Most of them will seek comfort from their colleagues and friends, and some will develop to the point of divorce. The other type will consider many factors, either trying to save their marriage, or silently enduring a depressed life without emotion.

Uncoordinated sex life separates the two

The difference in sexual ability is also the reason why men and women in their 40s have marital problems today. Professor Zhu said that on the one hand, women’s sexual ability and desire are strongest when they are in their thirties and forties, while their middle-aged husbands are facing a decline in sexual ability, and some even refuse treatment despite clearly suffering from erectile dysfunction. This will lead to discord between the two, and in serious cases the woman may take the initiative to request a divorce.

On the other hand, some middle-aged women in this age group may go to the other extreme of severe sexual desire degradation due to factors such as taking care of children and deteriorating health. If your husband's sexual desire is still strong, this will become an excuse for him to cheat.

Marriage is like this, full of unknowns. Couples who hope to be married for 10 years should be prepared for emotional accidents on the one hand, and on the other hand, they should manage their marriage carefully to ensure the stability of their marriage.

Five sentences that are most damaging to a couple’s relationship

Xiaofeng and Xiaoning divorced. Reason for the breakup: personality discord. This is perhaps the most honorable reason for a couple to break up. In fact, they knew it well. The two of them got to where they are today, only to quarrel over a few simple words and hurt each other's feelings. Before, their relationship had not completely broken down. However, whether you are angry or impulsive, this marriage is a divorce. It seems that inappropriate words can also be lethal and directly destroy the stronghold of the family.

There are no couples in this world who don’t quarrel. It's not the smile that says absolutely. If there are couples who don't quarrel, their relationship may not be harmonious. No matter whether it is a small quarrel or a big quarrel, it is called a quarrel. Arguments and quarrels don't count. Relatively speaking, quarreling is also a good thing. Quarrels are like earthquakes. If small earthquakes occur frequently, big earthquakes will decrease. Regarding relationships, there is a saying in China that no deal can be made without fighting. If this friendship is established, it will be deeper than the original relationship. A couple has conflicts and no longer even has the desire to quarrel. The marriage is really in name only. However, this quarrel is also very particular and skillful, and cannot cross the line. If the fight is small, the couple will cherish it more when they reconcile, but if it becomes a big fight, the confrontation will escalate and divorce emotions will arise, which is counterproductive. Quarrel usually comes from the mouth. Some words are said to be harmless, but some words are extremely destructive, directly destroying the relationship between husband and wife and causing the collapse of the family.

1. Belittle the other person and compare with outsiders

Recall, is this familiar to you? "You are a loser", "You are so useless", "You are really worthless", "Are you still a man?" "You are not as good as my ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, so-and-so..." and so on. Remember, you can argue, but there are rules. When you belittle the other person, you do not elevate yourself. It only proves that you are the same kind. There is a third party in the war between two people, which triggers the fuse. There is no sand in the eye of the beholder. Comparing people with others will lead to death, and comparing goods with goods will lead to throwing away. If you are not a sapper, don't plant or dig mines. Unless you want to explode.

2. Reveal each other’s shortcomings and tear each other apart

The so-called hitting someone is not a slap in the face, scolding someone is not a fault, these are the rules of the quarrel game. When they quarrel and can't reason out, they want to take advantage of each other, settle old scores, and frustrate each other. Therefore, the couple starts to retaliate, expose each other's shortcomings, and tear each other's skin. You are my dearest person, so you have to endure it for no reason. But you know what? The word "forbearance" means a knife on the head. Under the knife, it is the person closest to you who is injured. It is enough to ruin the relationship and turn love into hatred. This kind of pain is heartbreaking, the most destructive, and difficult to repair. Regardless of the quarrel, there are boundaries. Crossing the line can hurt feelings. If you want to have a good life, don't hurt your feelings, and don't expose your shortcomings. If the mirror is broken, even if it is reunited, there will be cracks. There will also be shadows in the photo.

3. Threatening to break up or divorce

"Can we live together, can we live together? If we can't live together, we will divorce!" This sentence is the missile that leads to the breakdown of the relationship between husband and wife, and it is the most lethal. If you don't want to break up or divorce, and you use this as a blackmail, thinking that you can calm the other person, then you are totally wrong. There are two results waiting for you: one is that the other party divorces in anger, huh, just leave, who is afraid of whom? The second is that the other party is temporarily restrained, but is actually operating in secret. Test the other person and threaten to break up. Over time, it will be like the story of "The Wolf Cried Wolf". If you often give such hints, the other person will subconsciously make plans to break up. If you are short on action, don't do this. This move is a dead move, and there is still room for maneuver in other quarrels. This time, it forces the other party into a dead end, and a slip of the tongue can lead to eternal hatred.

4. Silent cold war and use cold violence

Well, since everything I say is wrong, I won’t fight against you to the death at the head office, right? Don’t they all say silence is golden? Simply, I choose silence. really? They say that speaking harshly to someone is cruel, so how can it be considered cruel to have feelings slowly drained away during the Cold War? One kind of violence is domestic violence, which is direct physical destruction. There is another kind of violence, which is cold violence, but it is a double torture of the body and mind. The Cold War, invisibly, establishes an insurmountable wall between husband and wife. If it does not break out in the Cold War, it will die in the Cold War. If you are not afraid of death, are you still afraid of living? Deadlock, conflicts have really entangled you to the point where you are helpless and can only let it go? If you are willing to suffer in the grave, continue to let your emotions cool down until the day they become completely rigid.

5. Don’t show mercy when you are right and force the other party into a desperate situation

"Oh, it's all over if you're wrong? What did you do..." Well, he started to criticize again, and he was unforgiving at the last moment and refused to let the other party step down. This is a common problem in couples quarreling. Sadly, all previous efforts fell short. Sigh, suffocated. Calling it quits is a red flag for a quarrel and is a wise move. No matter who is right or wrong, compromise will be blamed? The person who takes a step back has a brighter future, and the person who receives the benefit should end it with a gong and a slap in the face, instead of being reluctant and leading to a silent ending. This is a good way to maintain an intimate relationship. Arguments between spouses are commonplace, the problem is not to get deeper into the conflict. After a quarrel, both parties should proactively seek ways to make amends to prevent resentment from arising. Resentment is often the beginning of a rift in a relationship. In a quarrel, it is best for one party to use humor to resolve the tense atmosphere, rather than exaggerating the conflict and forcing the other party into a desperate situation. If you really break up and get divorced, are you really happy?

As the saying goes, a kind word warms you for three winters, but a bad word hurts you for six months. Impulse is the devil, understanding is God. If you are too quick with words, you will lose something more precious. Emotions then become punitive and the tongue destructive. And when two people undermine each other, humiliate each other, and are hostile to each other, and the time of mutual silence is extended, the marriage will also die. Therefore, if you love the other person deeply, you must be sensible. Believe you, quarreling or even breaking up is not the ultimate goal. Unless, of course, you really want to.