We have been married for three years, and our relationship has always been very good. A few months ago, one of his female colleagues had a close relationship with him. I was a little annoyed and wanted to punish him even though I knew it wouldn't be a problem. That night he asked for sex, and I offered to leave that woman as a condition. He explained that I ignored him and fell asleep unhappy. Two days later, it happened again. It has been a month since then, and he has gone to bed as soon as he goes to bed without any requests for intimacy. I was scared, but I didn’t dare to ask him, and I didn’t want to “mellow down”. What should I do?

Expert answer:

What you did is an unwise act of sexual punishment. It is understandable that you plan to "act coquettishly" and bring your husband's daily behavior into your own orbit. However, sex between husband and wife is an emotional bond. Only when it is warm, considerate, harmonious and satisfying can it fully play its good role. Sweet words can be more persuasive than neglectful punishment. Moreover, when one party needs sexual satisfaction, he is met with artificial indifference, just like "a basin of cold water on the head." The emotional damage is worse than a few bad words, let alone repeated. Often this may also cause loss of sexual desire.

As the saying goes: To untie a bell, you need someone to tie it. If the matter started with you, you should take the initiative to solve it: don't mention the past, re-display the inherent gentleness, lingering, and coquettishness of women, and heal the wounds caused unintentionally in the past. You may have to actively arouse his sexual desire, use your feminine charm to heal during intercourse, "act coquettishly" afterwards, and even add a little gentle apology or persuasion. If we can do this, I believe that the temporary estrangement will be eliminated, and we will become more loving than before.

I would like to advise people: It is better not to use sexual punishment. Of course, it is advisable occasionally as a short-term display of "coquettishness" with the purpose of arousing more fervent requests from the husband.

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