Have you ever thought about why, when you were young, you always fell in love with the kind of grown man who could almost be your father? Do you really love him, or does his presence satisfy some desire of yours? Do you really admire him, or do you subconsciously need a sense of security as compensation? Psychologically speaking, what you desire most is what you need most, but in real life, the desire you need most often cannot bring you happiness, but instead leads you to greater loss and disappointment.

Here, exploring the reasons why a "little" woman falls in love with a "big" man may help you recognize your deep desires: maybe it is because you are too hungry in this area that you fall into the bias; or , you are too lacking in this aspect, so you are eager to find compensation in that aspect.

Reason: Loss of father's love in childhood

Your performance:

1. When you see him, you feel that your childhood without father's love has been compensated. .

2. Once you fall into his arms, another kind of loss will arise.

Your experience: Born in a single-parent family where your father died when you were young, or your parents divorced.

Psychological analysis:

Because you have always longed for a father subconsciously, when you are looking for a love partner, it is difficult to give up your original desire. And because you have no experience with your father, most of your desire for your father comes from your fantasy. Therefore, real people in reality will often deviate from your fantasy and disappoint you.

If when you see him, you feel that your childhood without father's love has been compensated, then rather than saying that you have found love, it is better to say that you have found a partner with a shortcoming in your heart. Although compensation and love are often very similar, in essence they are different: love is production, compensation is consumption; love is positive, compensation is negative; love is giving, compensation is taking.

Only in a healthy personality can love become a productive force: you give me love, and I produce more love because of your love. On the contrary, if you only regard him as the compensation for your inner needs, it will be difficult for you not to fall into the bias of blindly "enjoying" the compensation, so that you forget or neglect to give it to the other person, because your personality is not perfect and you lack the power of love in your heart. , in this way, even if he loves you very much at the beginning, as his desires are satisfied and time goes by, his love for you will inevitably not be lost; similarly, your love for him may also be affected by differences in age and personality. And fission occurs. As a result, you thought you could get away with it once and for all by relying on an elder-like man. However, once you fall into his arms, another sense of loss will arise spontaneously, and the compensation for the loss will bring you even greater disappointment.

Action plan:

1. Get out of the shadow of childhood

If you have been living in the fantasy of longing for father's love for a long time, it is imperative to get out of the shadow of childhood. Because only by getting out of the shadow of childhood can you face your future life; only by getting rid of the troubles of fantasy can you find your own preferences. Psychologists tell us that longing on the one hand will inevitably bring about depression on the other. Maybe you, like others, need the cheerfulness, vigor and enthusiasm of your peers. Then, forget the unhappiness of childhood. Once you get out of the haze of childhood, you will find that there is sunshine outside the house.

2. Don’t reject suitors of the same age

On the road to finding love, don’t be preconceived, let alone be autistic for no reason, and don’t think that you can’t be right except for grown men. Peers develop feelings. You know, many times we don’t understand ourselves, and people can only truly know themselves and find themselves in the opposite sex. Therefore, don't easily reject a suitor of the same age. Maybe you really don't feel anything at first. Once you open your heart, you will find unexpected freshness and fun in the actual interaction with "him".