December 1 is "World AIDS Day". While many volunteers tie red ribbons and take to the streets to promote AIDS knowledge and prevention, there is a group of people hiding in the shadows, fighting against the terrible AIDS monster. Fight.

According to estimates by the World Health Organization, there are about 740,000 people living with HIV in my country. Behind each number corresponds to a living individual.

Recently, reporters came to Heze and listened to the voice of an AIDS patient.

I am happy from the bottom of my heart that you took the initiative to shake hands with me

I am 47 years old this year, so I won’t say my name. You also know the reason. Although I undergo AIDS treatment every year According to the publicity, this disease is not contagious through normal contact, but I am still afraid, mainly because I am afraid that people around me will dislike it. I also have a son who is not married, and I am afraid that it will affect his marriage.

Now I live like a mask. If you are a patient at home, you must behave like a normal person to the outside world. Even though I look strong now, I know there is a demon hiding inside me that could kill me at any time. Over the years, I am no longer so afraid of death, but I have to take care of my family, and I cannot let my family be discriminated against.

Not many people know that I have this disease. Apart from my family, there are also some people in the village who are suspicious. My own people won’t say anything about me anymore, but there are still some people in the village who will point fingers. I only remember one time when the neighbor’s eldest brother was playing with his grandson. I walked over and said a few words and wanted to touch the child’s head. As a result, the eldest brother’s face changed and he reached out to block my hand, and then he walked away with the child in his arms. . At that moment, I really wanted to find a hole in the ground and crawl into it. How could I become a person like the god of plague?

But I don’t blame him. Over the years, I have encountered many embarrassing things like this, and I have become accustomed to it. Now I don't shake hands with others, I don't touch other people's children, I don't go to other people's houses to eat, I don't use other people's things, in short, I don't touch them if I can, so as not to scare others. But you took the initiative to shake my hand just now, and I am still happy from the bottom of my heart.

I had a grandson last year and I loved him very much, but I still rarely hugged him. My wife didn't know about it, and my son didn't say anything, but I had a shadow in my heart and was afraid for no reason.

After selling blood once, the nightmare began

How could I become a human or a ghost? It was caused by selling blood in 1994. At that time, there was a "blood head" in the village who said that as long as he drew 5 ml of blood, he could get 55 yuan. At that time, it only cost ten yuan to work outside for a day. Besides, 5ml was just a little bit and should be harmless to the body. A dozen people from my village and I went with him to a health center in Hui County, Henan.

We agreed to only draw 5 ml, but the nurse wearing a mask continued to draw 700 ml before stopping. I was very angry. The "blood head" explained that he would take out so much and then inject it back into the body later.

After waiting for two hours, I was called for a blood transfusion. I went in and saw that there was a large container with a lot of blood mixed together. The nurse drew a large syringe of blood and infused it back to the people who had drawn the blood one by one. I also received the infusion.

Later I found out that it was the blood residue after extracting serum protein, and they gave it to us again when it was no longer needed. Many people's blood was mixed together, and that's how I contracted AIDS. At first I thought my fate was bad, but now I think it was really caused by ignorance. Half of the people selling blood at that time got sick. Who can be blamed? It's my own ignorance.

The nightmare began then. Soon after, I felt weak all over. I kept catching colds and couldn’t take medicine, so I had to take a sling. Until 2003, two people died in the village. The two people we went to sell blood together were young, around forty years old. They were feeling tired and had a fever. They were lying in the hospital losing weight little by little, with blisters on their bodies, and they slowly lost weight to death. There was no cause of the disease at that time, and people in the village said it was a strange disease.

After they died, the district suddenly asked them to go to the hospital for a physical check-up and said they would be tested for hepatitis B. About half a year after the test, someone came to my house and said he was from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. He told me that I had AIDS. I had not heard of AIDS at the time, but I just thought it was strange. I was in good health, so how could I get sick? ? Seeing that I didn't believe it, he introduced the symptoms and dangers of the disease, and said that the first two people who died in the village died of AIDS.

Afraid of being seen, sometimes I go to the toilet to take medicine

I was blinded all of a sudden, there was a bang in my head, and the sky seemed to have fallen.

I couldn't recover from that period. I dreamed that I was dead and that my body was covered with sores. I couldn't sleep and was in a daze all night. My wife cried with me and kept trying to comfort me. Without her, I would have left long ago.

God is wise, my wife and children are fine. We used IUDs at that time and never used condoms. I have not been able to infect her in more than 9 years. I have to thank God. Just because of this, I feel that I have to persist in living.

I have been taking medicine since 2004. The medicine is provided by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention for free. It was very painful to take the medicine at first. I would vomit after taking it, so I would take it again. Sometimes I would vomit three or four times after taking the medicine once, and even the gall water would be vomited out. But I have to live, so I insist on eating.

After taking the medicine, I obviously feel that my condition is under control. I have been regularly tested twice a year for 7 years. CT4 (CT4 in a normal person’s blood should be about 800, and when this value is lower than 200 (when the patient needs to take medicine), it is usually between seven and eight hundred, but when he does not take medicine, it drops to more than 100.

Day by day, it seems that I am like a normal person, working in the fields, going out to work, building a house for my children and marrying a wife, but I am the only one who knows my pain. For so many years, I took medicine every day, always carrying outsiders on my back. Sometimes I would go to relatives’ houses and carry a small medicine bottle with me. I would swallow it quickly when no one could see me. Sometimes I would go to the toilet to take medicine because I was afraid that people would see me.

What is even more frightening is that I am worried about getting sick. I know that the disease will happen sooner or later, but I don’t know the date. I was like one foot outside and the other foot in the grave, living one day at a time. "Bloodhead" was so deceptive, I wanted to kill him at that time.

Three of the people we went to sell blood with have left now. Although we usually have a good relationship with them, I didn’t dare to visit them when they were sick. I just saw myself in the future, and the fear in my heart was gone. Dharma says.

In the "warm home", I don't feel lonely or scared

To be honest, I feel really lonely, and there are some things I can’t even say to my wife. She never said a word to blame me, and never gave me a bad look, but I knew she was suffering in her heart, and I couldn't add to her burden any more.

AIDS and cancer are both terminal diseases, but people have different opinions. In addition to being an infectious disease, it is also related to the original transmission route. Some people think that people who have this disease are not good people and are dirty. I can't just tell people when I meet them that I got the infection from selling blood, right?

Some AIDS patients live longer than cancer patients, and some can live for more than 20 years, but I still prefer that I have cancer. That way, I can at least lie in bed and receive sympathy and care from others.

It’s different now. I clearly have a terminal illness, but I can’t say it. I can’t express my suffering. In front of outsiders, you have to pretend to be a healthy person. Once you catch a cold and keep coughing, you will tell people that you are tired and out of shape. I haven't gone out for a few days, and when I go out, I always feel that other people look at me differently. This is all because of evil intentions.

I feel like I am living a double life.

At least the government has not discriminated against us. I am not trying to make a high profile. I am really grateful to the government and the local Centers for Disease Control and Prevention for their help. In addition to providing subsistence allowances and free tuition for our children, the district has also established a "warm home" specifically for us AIDS patients. Every month we get together to chat, communicate, and exchange treatment effects and experiences. . At that time, I no longer felt lonely or scared.

Every year, December 1st becomes our holiday, and everyone feels that they are being noticed. But after this day, life returned to normal. I really hope that one day, just like having a cold, AIDS patients can openly express their discomfort and pain, cry happily, and receive everyone's sympathy and care.